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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating advice!!

36 replies

Sophiex22 · 13/01/2022 19:41

Having just recovered from heartbreak I met the man of my dreams over Christmas on a night out. We shared a kiss on the evening and texted a lot since, he keeps mentioning meeting up but never plans it. He keeps going quiet (blames it on his work schedule and being a bad texter) but when we do speak he’s so interested in my life etc.
Should I tell him I would like to meet up or just leave it for him to contact me?
I’ve not liked anyone like this for a long time and dated a lot of men last year!

OP posts:

BetsyBrush · 14/01/2022 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

prettymum · 14/01/2022 12:23

One thing I've learnt since jumping on to the dating life 2 years ago, life is too short to spend waiting and questioning and with the right person, you shouldn't have to do that.
Current guy I'm seeing around 2 months now asked me when we're going out to see a film at cinema within 2 messages on tinder, I suggested film I wanted to see, he booked straight away on a day suitable for both and it has been the easiest thing ever where I haven't been left hanging. There are plenty of men out there, if you want to meet, just bring it up and if its still a struggle, move on. The dating scene should be fun, not making you anxious, you're worth more than that.

BetsyBrush · 14/01/2022 12:28

@ChristmasFluff

I bin off men who don't ask me on dates. Interested men ask a woman out, however shy they are.

But plenty of time-wasters will let the woman take the lead - and some of them will even go so far as to marry someone (having been led into it of course, not actively planning and executing a proposal) - and then you have that relationship that women come on Mumsnet moaning about - "I'm always the one who has to plan things, he never arranges date nights or mini-breaks' etc etc.

Men are genetically programmed to chase. If they are not chasing, there's a reason. You do not need to know that reason, but you do need to heed their lack of interest.

Never be impressed by wooing that can be done whilst sitting on a toilet

Never be impressed by wooing that can be done whilst sitting on a toilet

This is a great line!

Sunnytwobridges · 14/01/2022 14:20

When men are interested in talking, texting and flirting but reluctant to meet up, it's often the case that they have a wife or partner at home and they are just living a bit of a fantasy, embarking on an emotional affair. (This often happens with OL dating)

Very very true. This happened to me a few times. I'm not very forward in asking to meet up, so when I have to be the first one to suggest a meetup after talking and texting for weeks then I know that something else is up and it's not a good thing. A couple turned out to be married, most of them just wanted to kill time chatting and never wanted to meet up.

Another possibility is he's just not that into you. I will say that sometimes I'm guilty of slow to respond, not initiating texts/calls when I'm just not that interested in someone.

Gettingonwithit12 · 14/01/2022 15:45

I am hating this about the apps. I am building a collection of penpals who don’t seem to be making any signs of wanting to meet up (or are extremely vague about it). Went on one date, he said he’d love to do it again, but has made no effort to arrange a second date- and yet still texts for general chit chat every few days! I know I could push for a meet up, but is it really worth it? Surely if they wanted to go out, they would say so…

TheFoundation · 14/01/2022 15:50

People use dating apps for different reasons. If someone seems to want to chat when you want to meet up, just move on. There's no rules, and nobody's doing anything wrong. Dating is about filtering out the incompatibles, so if filtering out the incompatibles pisses you off, the apps probably aren't for you.

RoseSays · 15/01/2022 09:51

@Gettingonwithit12

Is your time precious to you? If not then carry on chatting to a random online. My time is precious to me....I like to spend it on MN

but hopefully you see my point!

Gettingonwithit12 · 15/01/2022 10:18

@RoseSays yes it’s a good point! I think the problem is I’ve been a bit lonely and down lately and so have just been going along with it all. But ultimately, pointless chatting with randoms is boring in itself! I’m getting nothing out of it. I need to get out of this habit I think.

heartbroken40 · 15/01/2022 10:27

As everyone else has said. Men WILL ask you out if they're interested. I follow a ruthless approach. No invite by day 3, I bin them. I've had something like 25 dates (might have been more) and I've met someone amazing two months ago although it's early days. I told him I'll keep my profile until the one year mark but not go on just to keep him on his toe too (he is VERY keen). He's deleted his instead

Please don't be a doormat!

layladomino · 15/01/2022 13:15

Saying 'men will ask you out if they're interested' is up there with 'men will get away without doing any housework if they're allowed to'. Not true of everyone, and reflects an old fashioned view. And do we want to stay in those times?

If you want to be an equal in your relationship, then that starts on day one. Don't wait around like the princess in the tower waiting for the knight to fight for her and save the day. If you want to have a date with someone, ask them on a date. If they say no or mess you around, then say Good Bye.

I am not going to be a spectator in my own life. If you wait to be asked on a date you're letting him drive the speed of the relationship from day 1. That can lead to waiting for him to make the decisions / waiting around for a romantic proposal / he decides if you can discuss having children. I know this is all way in the future, but you need to act like an equal person from the start, and say what you want. Don't play games and don't accept anyone else playing games.

I'm quite old by the way, and I really thought we'd gone past the old fashioned dating rules.

Sonaftersonafterson · 15/01/2022 13:50

Urgh. This.

Honestly, if he is making excuses this early on... forget it.

If a man is seriously into you, he will snatch you up! Believe me. He should be ultra keen at this stage and he doesnt seem that way to me...or to you...hence your post.

Ask him straight. Can we meet on X date.

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