Mother moved out with baby with in the UK

[Moonsago]

My collegue ( also good friend) has moved out of the house without telling to her husband. He knows where she is but she refuses to come back or have any sort of communication with him.

She is staying in a flat by herself with the child. She refuses to communicate or show the child to the father. She just is astronomically pissed with her H for being an arse and beleives its over. Husband beleives it not and he dosnt beleive he was wrong as he believed everything was rosy and his wife was happy. However, obviously he is wrong and this came as a bitter surprise to him.

Could this become a legal issue as the couple is still married and she just shuts down with the baby?

@Moonsago

So, the H does NOT want to be seperated. Apparently custody only comes into picture if they decide to seperate?

H is really craving the baby and has lost his peace and in a bad state. However he dosnt realise that he was a diffucult spouse.

Mother dosnt want to go back to him but also wont initialise anything, just blacked out. I do agree she was brave but just worry if she will get into some trouble if the H puts a kidnap case on her.. as he has given me long messages on how he is getting desperate and angry on her sneaking off with the baby and plans to talk to social services etc..

Can she be in trouble as a primary carer?
Baby boy is 8 months old.

It's not kidnap and wont be classed as that

I think you need to think about if you're being used as a pawn for an abusive man.

Most women get married and want to have a family and they want that relationship to last.

It has to be a bad bad situation for a woman to up and leave with an 8 month old baby. There's likely a very good reason she had to sneak off rather than risk being battered.

It sounds like he's looking to threaten and bully her into coming back.

I'd cut this friend off. Men who abuse there wives don't make good friends.

"He's not allowed to see his child AT ALL. Any parent would be upset by that and it's never beneficial to the child unless there are serious reasons for no contact!"

Says who? The law isn't always right. Sometimes no parent is better than a crap one. I don't know the details of the couple in question in this thread so I can't comment on why she is withholding contact, and even though I never withheld contact from my ex, I know wholeheartedly that it would have been in my children's best interest if he had just disappeared and left the kids and I alone after our split than for them to have to witness and be on the receiving end of his selfish nonsense.

He is finally basically out of the picture now and my teenagers are much happier and no longer have to be held hostage by his weekends that he always insisted on having and then never showing up for.

But yes...that consistent abandonment (as well as him using his access as a means to basically abuse me with contact I personally didn't want to have with him 'about the kids') was better for the kids than just getting rid him right from the outset

@Blossom64265 "There is a court system in place to facilitate this."

Wrong. He is the baby's father and has equal right to see and co parent his child unless there are compelling reasons why not, and the mother being angry with him isn't one of them.

The court is there to facilitate it when things go badly wrong and usually when one party is being unreasonable, although not always.

The reality is that unless there are extremely compelling reasons, ie chronic drug addict,paedophile etc then the court will force contact arrangements

Let's not forget that the enforcement of contact with abusive, controlling men is often wrong. Without going into distressing detail, there have been plenty of cases where, despite even evidence of violence from a man, the court has insisted he be permitted to see his children and the man has gone on to harm the children.

I'm 75% certain that I actually know these people described by the
OP. The details of the couple I know are pretty much exactly the same

Nah, doubt it. The whole situation is not uncommon. Wives leave husbands and take the children every day, husbands leave wives with the children every day.

@Chickendinna

Even if you did know them, which is unlikely, you only have what gossip you've heard, likely from him.

It's the standard MO of an abusive man. If she's as bad as he claims, he's done zero to protect the child. He's stayed. He didn't take the child himself and approach the courts for custody.

All these men claiming their partners/exs are crazy are suss when all they do is malign her to anyone who will listen, but then do nothing about it, happy to let her raise the children.

So you really don't know. You weren't there.

Oh !.. I am so glad that a forum couldbe so informative and supportive.

So, for the pp who asked if my friend was aware of me posting it.. yes she asked me to get some info online including some forums.. so I also had few chats onnher behalf with solicitors ( I paid for one and she paid for the second one). I chose mumsnet because well ... 'mums' net.

Also I told her that I am resting my case with her as she has told me that she plans to move in with a collegue of ours that we know and he has agreed to support her... I dont know the whole story myslelf so I am nit comfortable dealing with it. Also I think he will support her from now?.. I dont know.

Thankyou all for being so kind to me... and pardon me starting a thread and have drip fed info here ( so was I)!

Please tell your friend the last thing she needs to do when leaving an abuser is to immediately move in with another man.