Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

But a man transitioning to being a transwoman isn’t changing sex @Theroadtoselfdiscovery He’s playing out a stereotype of what he thinks being a woman is.

I’d be suggesting talking therapy and an intense examination of his bodily dysphoria and also the weird view that if you don’t feel comfortably masculine, it means you must be a woman, rather than the idea of masculinity you’ve internalised.

No.

Humans can't change sex. I couldn't be with someone who thought this was possible. Thankfully my partner shares my GC views, even though we are both very gender non-conforming in our own ways.

Biology is real.

No, one of the things I like about my DP is his maleness; he is a big, giant, hairy, baldy, man with a permanent 5 o clock shadow and I find that very attractive. The thought of him even dressed as a woman is ridiculous. He’d look like a pantomime dame.

There's no chance of that ever happening but I probably would stay with him. I love him, he's my best friend and I married him for life.

Prompted by this thread I watched the Queer Eye episode; the girlfriend appeared so marginalised as to be insignificant, merely an audience to her partners 'authenticity '. No surprises there.

To answer OP's question, no. Not in a million years. I asked Dh how he'd feel in the reverse situation; the look of panic on his face was quite something.

No. I am a heterosexual woman attracted to men.

@RocksOnTheHill

But, for me, my partner would then be a woman. I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman?

Because women are not men without a penis. We're a completely different category of human.

@billydilly

Prompted by this thread I watched the Queer Eye episode; the girlfriend appeared so marginalised as to be insignificant, merely an audience to her partners 'authenticity '. No surprises there.

To answer OP's question, no. Not in a million years. I asked Dh how he'd feel in the reverse situation; the look of panic on his face was quite something.

I've seen a few instances of men transitioning and they are all very similar to the Queer Eye episode, at least on the surface. Lots of public backslapping of the man and his new identity without any regard to the feelings of his wife or children and how traumatic this may be for them.

The men in question without exception behaved very erratically and often in a highly hurtful if not abusive way towards their wives/girlfriends. Lots of displays of anger, highly sexual/provocative behaviour in their female persona on social media, and very little presence as a father in their children's lives. I know one transwoman who has refused to have contact with their primary age child because the child refuses to call them 'mum' and not 'dad'. Pretty grim.

The reality is that there are usually people who are there to offer support to the wife/girlfriend, but they rarely do so in a public way (like on social media) for fear of a pile-on.

@RocksOnTheHill

But, for me, my partner would then be a woman. I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman?

This is really interesting. Do people genuinely believe that transition = genitals are now those of the other sex, genuinely and completely?

The reality that if someone actually undertakes surgical transition the result is a facsimile of genitalia which do not perform like the real thing. A neo phallus doesn’t get erect on its own. It may be made from skin grafts from the arm or thighs - incredibly painful. It won’t ejaculate. The body won’t create semen.

A neo vagina is a cavity. It doesn’t provide a passage through the cervix to the uterus. It may be made from skin taken from the colon. This means it will smell like the colon and has hair inside that may be very unpleasant to live with. It has to be dilated with special instruments on a regular (daily?) basis to prevent it sealing up.

Do people not know this?

Do they also not know that most of the time no genital surgery takes place.

I did read (I will find the source if possible) about a case where a man with AGP went through with castration and then of course lost all the sexual desire that had fuelled the AGP in the first place.

Presumably your larger breasts cause problems for u

I'm a 34 E so it's more that they look horrible and matronly, although it's a PITA having to wear a bra 24/7 because I can't sleep comfortably without one, and I sometimes get rashes under them in summer. But they're not disproportionate enough to qualify for NHS surgery, so it would be an elective and largely cosmetic procedure.

No. He would look vaguely female, but still have a male build and 50 years of male socialisation and behaviour. He would still be trying to mansplain to me, order the kids around and interrupt.

And I don't fancy women, so that would be that.

Is also be wondering how much lesbian and sissy porn he had been watching and how much his mental health was being affected by his internet use.

Do women seriously think that straight men who do this aren't indulging a fetish?

And for balance, dh wouldn't like it either. I've dressed up as a man for fancy dress on occasion. Dh was very unsettled. But mainly I think, because I'm more handsome than him, as a man.

@Bitbloweyoutthere

And for balance, dh wouldn't like it either. I've dressed up as a man for fancy dress on occasion. Dh was very unsettled. But mainly I think, because I'm more handsome than him, as a man.

This has made my morning!

No. Humans cannot change sex and I would not be a handmaiden to what I see as a delusion.

I didn't stay, I split as soon as I walked in and found him wearing my clothes. A lot of previous problems in our relationship suddenly made sense once I found out he is an AGP. My only regret is that I met him in the first place.

I posed the question to my OH. His immediate response was 'I'd be your mate'. 😂
I love him for who he is, but the romantic connection has a lot to do with the way he carries and presents himself. I think that would disappear if he were trying to become a woman.

Many people are saying it is about the genitals and they would still accept them whatever the situation there was. That would be the last thing I would consider, it would either have been 20 years of lying or AGP, not attractive in any way at all.

It's all very nice and sparkly sounding until you actually think about the reality of how you would end up living. Do people know what an AGP actually is?

I feel like I was used by a man who pretended he wanted a relationship and sex life. He didn't. He wanted to use me as a mirror to act out his own fantasies, and it was grim.

Not a chance

Maybe. It would depend if he acted very differently or not. If he was just himself with some surgery and different clothes, I'd probably stay.

Also, while I could give him pronouns and call him a new name and help him shop or whatever, if he needed me to literally think he was a woman, I wouldn't be able to give him that. So he might not want to stay with me.

I'm a 34 E so it's more that they look horrible and matronly, although it's a PITA having to wear a bra 24/7 because I can't sleep comfortably without one, and I sometimes get rashes under them in summer. But they're not disproportionate enough to qualify for NHS surgery, so it would be an elective and largely cosmetic procedure

So they cause skin rashes and problems.sleeping. lack of sleep being a prelude to much in the way of many other health problems. So they do cause problems.then. amd a breast reduction would be a viable solution to those problems.

That is still not remotely comparable to a perfectly healthy body being surgically altered with the intention of not remotely even functioning like it was before. The male recipient of the surgery being left with severely reduced sexual function, painful scar tissue , possible incontinence no more sperms production, , if the colon is used it still smells like the colon, revision surgeries and long term dilation required . The gain is what?

This is not comparable to breast reductions

@twomumsonebump

Without a doubt. She's more to me than just her genitals. I love her heart and soul, and if it came down to losing her or letting her be her true self then I wouldn't even question it.

Ironically the genitals would probably be the one thing that didn't change, so it's nothing to do with that.

They're entire appearance, voice, mannerisms will change. Name. I wouldn't be interested but I'd wish them the best.

I really can't imagine - it's outside anything I could envisage.