Would you stay with your partner if they decided to transition?

[RedRobyn2021]

I'm watching an episode of Queer Eye where this transwoman's partner said they stayed with them after they decided they wanted to transition and it got me thinking

If your partner decided they wanted to transition would you stay with them?

No

Very few transwomen have any genital surgery at all.

If you can by sexually aroused by genitals of either sex, that doesn't really matter.

Note: I am not saying all women should be able to feel this; just that for those naturally inclined to find both sexes attractive, physical changes such as genital surgery and breast implants, aren't going to be the sexual dealbreaker they might be for a woman who has no sexual attraction to women.

No it would mean the way he saw the world was fundamentally too different for us to be compatible any more. No different to if he decided to become extremely religious. I've learned that love is not the always most important thing in a relationship so no, even if I loved them I couldn't accept a partner who believed that they were/ could become the opposite sex by conforming to stereotypes.

@gunnersgold

That girl on queer eye was so lovely . The way she just accepted her partners transition! Although he obviously still had all his parts so I'm not sure if when / if they go it will be different ! I really admired her though !

Why do you find that admirable?

I'm not saying it's wrong to stay if that's what you want. People make their own personal choices. But why do you think there is a moral value in it, and why is this choice the superior one?

If you can by sexually aroused by genitals of either sex, that doesn't really matter

Do you realise actually what the process of the surgery should they have it entails though? Sometimes parts of the colon are used. At first glance it may appear to be similar. It functions in a very different way. Including quite possibly a loss of sexual sensation.

I cant speak for anyone else but a lack of enjoyment from the partner would actually make me really really uncomfortable. I couldn't do it.

But, for me, my partner would then be a woman. I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman?

If you can by sexually aroused by genitals of either sex, that doesn't really matter

It very much does

@RocksOnTheHill, we clearly disagree on what a woman is.

I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman

They would be a man dressed as a woman , you cannot change your sex.

@Whatwouldscullydo

If you can by sexually aroused by genitals of either sex, that doesn't really matter

Do you realise actually what the process of the surgery should they have it entails though? Sometimes parts of the colon are used. At first glance it may appear to be similar. It functions in a very different way. Including quite possibly a loss of sexual sensation.

I cant speak for anyone else but a lack of enjoyment from the partner would actually make me really really uncomfortable. I couldn't do it.

That's moving onto a different issue. If your partner was no longer able to enjoy sex, then the question would become whether you would be prepared to have a sexless relationship. That's an issue that can drive apart any couple.

I don't think anyone should feel obliged to stay in a permanently sexless relationship, but how much of a dealbreaker no sex would be is going to depend on how important sex was before the transition.

[quote gunnersgold]@ArabellaScott .. .
I wouldn't stay with my husband if he transitioned but my comment wasn't about me . I personally just found her to be a lovely person that's all .
Whatever your beliefs she was happy with her decision. 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Great, she was a lovely person.

I would just like women and young girls to feel that they are able to put themselves first and make choices according to their own wants, needs, happiness rather than that of others.

Rather than thinking they have to be 'kind' above all else. It too easily can actually be harmful.

@RocksOnTheHill

But, for me, my partner would then be a woman. I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman?

A woman is an adult human female. A human of the reproductive sex class capable of producing ova and being pregnant. (The existence of fertility conditions doesn't change this. You have to be a certain reproductive sex class to have certain conditions.) A body that is designed to become pregnant, labour and lactate has quite comprehensive physical differences to one thar isn't designed to do any of this, and instead is intended to create and ejaculate sperm. Honestly, the features of a female body are usually pretty obvious to anyone who has actually inhabited one.

You can't change sex. You can take hormones that might alter your hair, voice and breast tissue, and you can surgically alter your body so it looks more like the other sex. You may even "pass" and be very attractive (though probably not). But there's nothing you can do to go back in time and grow along the other pathway.

Your sex will affect your bones, heart size, fat to muscle ratio, fast twitch muscle, haemoglobin levels, Q angle and many more. Women are not just men without the dangly bits.

You cannot change sex.

Has anyone read the stories of women this has happened to? I'm sure in some situations it's fine but in many relationships the transition follows years of secrecy and gaslighting.

The women who talk about it are vilified for not being on board with their husbands desires.

I don't think anyone should feel obliged to stay in a permanently sexless relationship, but how much of a dealbreaker no sex would be is going to depend on how important sex was before the transition

You talk like everything would just be the same.

Again with the surgery , everything else would fall to you. While they recover. The dilation schedule alone is a luxury someone that if they are a spouse with family responsibility, they have decided they can take the time for while you pick up the slack.

Its a decision that shows alot of entitlement tbh.

@Flapjak

I wondee how many men would stay with there wife of 20 years plus who had her breasts and vulva surgicalky altered, grew a beard and deepened their voice to emulate a male. Probably next to zero whereas aome women seem to wear staying with a transitioning male as a badge of how kind and accepting they are

But women should do whatever men want us to do and we should celebrate his fetishes and his desires and his secret life and his magical essence or else we are heartless and unsupportive!

@RocksOnTheHill

But, for me, my partner would then be a woman. I don't understand how if they'd transitioned they wouldn't then be a woman?

Nobody can change biological sex so a man cannot become a woman. A woman cannot become a man.

A cow cannot become a bull.
A rooster cannot become a hen.
A ewe cannot become a ram.

@ArblemarchTFruitbat

Very few transwomen have any genital surgery at all.

If you can by sexually aroused by genitals of either sex, that doesn't really matter.

Note: I am not saying all women should be able to feel this; just that for those naturally inclined to find both sexes attractive, physical changes such as genital surgery and breast implants, aren't going to be the sexual dealbreaker they might be for a woman who has no sexual attraction to women.

I am attracted to women (and men). I am not attracted to male bodies that have silicone implants attached to their male chests, their testicles removed and their penises inverted in an attempt to mimic a female body.

Some of these comments are really skating dangerously close to cotton ceiling territory.

Again with the surgery , everything else would fall to you. While they recover.

But so it might if you had surgery for any reason. Yes, it's elective surgery, but people might have elective surgery for all kinds of reasons. I'd love a breast reduction if I could afford it - are you saying it would be unreasonable of me to ask my husband to pick up the slack while I recovered?

Nope - not my thing at all.

If people have genital surgery they don't have genitals of the other sex. They have genitals of no sex. Surgery can make the genitals look superficially like the other sexes and have some small degree of similar function. It's a fallacy to think they actually have the other sexes genitals.

No, definitely not

But so it might if you had surgery for any reason. Yes, it's elective surgery, but people might have elective surgery for all kinds of reasons. I'd love a breast reduction if I could afford it - are you saying it would be unreasonable of me to ask my husband to pick up the slack while I recovered?

Presumably your larger breasts cause problems for u.

Unlike a healthy body of someone who is choosing to inflict the chance of a very possible longterm disability onto themselves

No, I don't think I would. I'm attracted to men not women, so we'd lose that element. We may love someone for who they are, and not their appearance, but a transition isn't just about appearance, it's a bigger shift.

A friend who is a trans man said he felt a significant relief at being able to be himself completely once he came out - before he was what we may call a 'tomboy'. To me this means transitioning is more than clothes or any changes hormones make. It is the whole person.

If my partner was honest with me about things when they made this decision , I'd like to think I'd be supportive after getting over any initial upset over the end of our relationship.

I’d say never say never. If you asked me a few years ago I’d have probably said a big fat no as had always been attracted to the opposite sex. Now, not so sure anymore. You can find yourself insanely attracted to someone who is same sex as you, but you block them out of your life as you discover you’re only projecting on them as they are the opposite sex of your partner’s version. So, unless the situation presented to me, I wouldn’t be able to say yay or nay. I love my partner very much btw, and we are still together despite all the shit life presented to us in the 20 years since we’ve been together.

Not a chance in hell.