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Original poster

My childhood was horendous *Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains descriptions of abuse*

101 replies

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:03

Mum died when I was 7. Father married again 2 years later she was a total bitch. Widow with dd of her own aged 4. She used to batter me and my brother when my dad was out and he didnt give a shit either. Started period aged 11, she smacked my legs for hours coming back to hit me again and again as she said I was "dirty" for soiling my knickers. Then she held me down and tried to insert a tampon. I was hysterical and so embarrassed. I hated her. Always showed love to her own child but spat venom at me and my brother.
Dad divorced and married again to a much younger and very stupid woman who could show no love to anyone.
Very selfish and was just me me me.
I left home at 15 and went to live with a friend.
My childhood haunts me.

OP posts:
Draineddraineddrained · 07/01/2022 10:04

I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better. Are you happy with the life you have now? Have you considered any counselling or therapy?

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:06

@Draineddraineddrained

I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better. Are you happy with the life you have now? Have you considered any counselling or therapy?
I am happily married now with children. I have always wanted to have therapy as there is so much more to my childhood than I can possibly put here it would fill a library but I am so embarrassed to reveal the horrors that went on.
OP posts:
SameToo · 07/01/2022 10:08

That sounds horrifying! I’m so sorry you went through that. How are you now?

3scape · 07/01/2022 10:08

I'm very sorry. Parents failing to protect their child from physical and emotional harm do so much damage. Flowers You deserve better. Have you accessed any counselling or other therapies to help you?

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:08

Just writing in down and knowing that someone has read it helps me.

OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:12

My dad was no better. When I was 14 I remember one incident that I was late home from school by about 20 minutes. I had called in the dry cleaners on the way home where a lovely lady used to talk kindly to me. He asked why I was late and I lied and said that I had forgotten my bag and gone back to school for it. He went berserk and said that he knew I was lying as he had driven past the shop and seen me in it. He then punch me in the face.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 07/01/2022 10:12

That's awful OP, I'm not surprised it still haunts you. What was your mum like? Was she a good, loving mum? I know it's easy to say but you have no reason to feel any shame or embarrassment about how you were treated, none of it was your fault, you were just a child and should have been loved and protected.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:14

@Tal45

That's awful OP, I'm not surprised it still haunts you. What was your mum like? Was she a good, loving mum? I know it's easy to say but you have no reason to feel any shame or embarrassment about how you were treated, none of it was your fault, you were just a child and should have been loved and protected.
I only remember snippets of my real mum but they are nice memories. I don't remember my dad being a bastard until after she died. There is so much more to this story involving sexual abuse (not to me) as well.
OP posts:
Draineddraineddrained · 07/01/2022 10:17

@dotherighthing believe me when I tell you you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. You were an innocent child, nothing any of these inadequate adults did reflects on you in any say. A good therapist will have heard it all before and will not judge or be shocked. They will help you unpack the things that haunt you and to really believe, deep inside yourself, that you were not at fault. If you can afford it I really strongly recommend it. Or if you don't feel able o say it out loud you can get remote counselling, even counselling by email, if you find writing it down easier than talking about it?

I had a less than perfect childhood (nothing like yours though) and it really reared its head when I had my own kids. Are you finding that it's getting to you more now you're a mother? Do you still have any contact with any of your abusers?

Random789 · 07/01/2022 10:17

I'm really sorry to hear this. You deserved a childhood in which the adults around you loved and respected you, and cared for you properly. Flowers

I hope you can get past the idea of embarrassment and have some good quality counselling. It can't be that you should be the one feeling embarrassed or ashamed -- and the counsellor would respond with respect and compassion to whatever he/she heard..

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:20

[quote Draineddraineddrained]@dotherighthing believe me when I tell you you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. You were an innocent child, nothing any of these inadequate adults did reflects on you in any say. A good therapist will have heard it all before and will not judge or be shocked. They will help you unpack the things that haunt you and to really believe, deep inside yourself, that you were not at fault. If you can afford it I really strongly recommend it. Or if you don't feel able o say it out loud you can get remote counselling, even counselling by email, if you find writing it down easier than talking about it?

I had a less than perfect childhood (nothing like yours though) and it really reared its head when I had my own kids. Are you finding that it's getting to you more now you're a mother? Do you still have any contact with any of your abusers?[/quote]
Counselling my email would help me a lot. Do you know of anyone please? No my dad died 10 years ago and none of his children went to his funeral. The first step mother is probably dead now but the second step mother lives about 20 miles away. She is a nasty piece of work.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2022 10:20

Jesus you poor thing, that's horrifying to read.

Have you had counselling or therapy? You can't be expected to deal with that degree of trauma by yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Outlyingtrout · 07/01/2022 10:20

Don’t be embarrassed. The shame is not yours to bear; it’s your father’s and your stepmother’s. Please don’t let that feeling stop you from accessing therapy. It could transform your life. You deserve that.

imasurvivor2 · 07/01/2022 10:21

So sorry to hear this. I was abused too and been having counselling- it is helping. I've learnt it's not my shame but it belongs to my abuser. I do understand about feeling embarrassed as I have similar feelings but counselling is helping. There is a website which has forums specifically for adult survivors which may help you too. https://www.havoca.org Thanks

SnowyBerries · 07/01/2022 10:23

I'm so sorry for what you suffered

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:23

@imasurvivor2

So sorry to hear this. I was abused too and been having counselling- it is helping. I've learnt it's not my shame but it belongs to my abuser. I do understand about feeling embarrassed as I have similar feelings but counselling is helping. There is a website which has forums specifically for adult survivors which may help you too. [[https://www.havoca.org]] Thanks
Thank you so much. I am crying writing this! I get so upset when I recall all the horrible things that happened. No one EVER said I love you or well done, just cruelty every day.
OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:25

imasurvivor2
thank you so much, I have book marked this and will contact them xx

OP posts:
whinetime89 · 07/01/2022 10:25

Very similar to you. Mum died at 3. Dad got with a horrible woman who used to physically and emotionally abuse me, threaten me when he wasn't home and was vile. Lovely t9 the child her and my dad had. They split but it scarred me. My dad had 10+ woman in and out if my life. Another one whi wasn't overly nice. I split from my husband in 2020 and and so wary of any future relationship and anyone meeting my kids.

I feel you x

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:27

@whinetime89

Very similar to you. Mum died at 3. Dad got with a horrible woman who used to physically and emotionally abuse me, threaten me when he wasn't home and was vile. Lovely t9 the child her and my dad had. They split but it scarred me. My dad had 10+ woman in and out if my life. Another one whi wasn't overly nice. I split from my husband in 2020 and and so wary of any future relationship and anyone meeting my kids.

I feel you x

So sorry xx I am a very strong woman now as I have had to be. I was dragged up but I have a very responsible job and am doing well in life. I just want to the horrible horrible memories dealt with .
OP posts:
Pickledlipstick · 07/01/2022 10:29

Oh I’m in tears reading this! You poor thing and it broke my heart you used to go in a shop for a little bit of kindness from the lady. A little girl who lost her mum. So sorry this happened to you my lovely xxx

Mufasa1118 · 07/01/2022 10:29

I had a similiar childhood.

You are not what they said you are. There are a lot of fucked up people around, who do not love themselves. It is easy to take their anger out on a child.
See your own worth.
You are worthy.
I send you love.
We are more than our childhoods. So much more. Think that time in your life is over now and don't let them ruin your now

I send you love

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:30

@Mufasa1118

I had a similiar childhood.

You are not what they said you are. There are a lot of fucked up people around, who do not love themselves. It is easy to take their anger out on a child.
See your own worth.
You are worthy.
I send you love.
We are more than our childhoods. So much more. Think that time in your life is over now and don't let them ruin your now

I send you love

Thank you x
OP posts:
Draineddraineddrained · 07/01/2022 10:31

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

You can search for therapists here and filter by specialism and by online counselling x

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:33

@Draineddraineddrained

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

You can search for therapists here and filter by specialism and by online counselling x

Thank you xx
OP posts:
Mufasa1118 · 07/01/2022 10:33

I also can recommend a book.

It is called "Etched in sand".

A woman who overcame a really horrific childhood, and she went on to have a really great life.

She didn't want her abusers to win.

She said that all she needed in life was herself. And she went on to have a really brilliant life. It is a great book