Page 4 | My childhood was horendous *Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains descriptions of abuse*

manchester86 · 07/01/2022 12:06

I'm so sorry you had to go through this op, no child deserves this sort of childhood and I'm so glad the lady in the shop showed you the kindness you deserved. Sending you so much love and strength going forward.

Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:08

After reading all the lovely comments, I wish I had told my father what a cruel, selfish, nasty, vicious shit he was! Maybe I am wrong but he deserved it.

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stupiduser · 07/01/2022 12:09

I am so so sorry for the treatment you endured, my heart breaks for you, the little girl and the adult. I wish I could just hug the little lost girl you were. I can't imagine how thoughtless the person was who said it was a long time ago and to get over it. You and children like you are the reason I became a foster carer and the reason I adopted my precious DD. I can't imagine what she could have gone through if she was left with her birth parents.

Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:10

@stupiduser

I am so so sorry for the treatment you endured, my heart breaks for you, the little girl and the adult. I wish I could just hug the little lost girl you were. I can't imagine how thoughtless the person was who said it was a long time ago and to get over it. You and children like you are the reason I became a foster carer and the reason I adopted my precious DD. I can't imagine what she could have gone through if she was left with her birth parents.

Its people like lovely you that the world need more of xx

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3beesinmybonnet · 07/01/2022 12:10

Grrrr just typed a long post and lost the whole lot but to summarise: Havoca is brilliant and the forums are really supportive.
Good luck OP, sending you a big virtual hug
((((( ))))) xx

Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:12

@3beesinmybonnet

Grrrr just typed a long post and lost the whole lot but to summarise: Havoca is brilliant and the forums are really supportive. Good luck OP, sending you a big virtual hug ((((( ))))) xx

So much kindness from strangers, thank you xx

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Dozycuntlaters · 07/01/2022 12:15

Oh OP, I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, you and the little girl you once were. You're right, your father was a complete shit, a disgrace but you know what, it would have done no good to tell him that when he was dying. It would have just be another opportunity for him to be cruel to you, because I'm sure he would have been.

You sound wonderful and strong and I bet you are a fantastic mum to your children. Counselling would definitely help you, because you are grieving. Not for your dad, but for the childhood you should have had, for the father you should have had.

Sending you love and strength, you're amazing!

sugarapplelane · 07/01/2022 12:16

My heart goes out to you.
You could be writing my story too. Mum died when I was 8, Dad remarried within a year to an evil woman with a 4 year old DD of her own. 2 half sisters soon followed. Her Dd's treated like princesses and me like Cinderella.
My Dad wonders why I went NC with him 20 years ago
I can empathise completely.
I have a wonderful family of my own now and a good job but I struggle with life and it's all down to my horrendous childhood.
My way of coping was to study, study, study so I could move away.
I was lucky in that I was in close contact with my maternal Grandparents and I escaped there every school holiday

Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:16

@Dozycuntlaters

Oh OP, I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, you and the little girl you once were. You're right, your father was a complete shit, a disgrace but you know what, it would have done no good to tell him that when he was dying. It would have just be another opportunity for him to be cruel to you, because I'm sure he would have been.

You sound wonderful and strong and I bet you are a fantastic mum to your children. Counselling would definitely help you, because you are grieving. Not for your dad, but for the childhood you should have had, for the father you should have had.

Sending you love and strength, you're amazing!

Spot on xx

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PhoenixIsFlying · 07/01/2022 12:17

I have pm you the therapist I used. It is good you posted on here, talking are the first steps to healing. Sending love xxx

Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:19

@sugarapplelane

My heart goes out to you. You could be writing my story too. Mum died when I was 8, Dad remarried within a year to an evil woman with a 4 year old DD of her own. 2 half sisters soon followed. Her Dd's treated like princesses and me like Cinderella. My Dad wonders why I went NC with him 20 years ago I can empathise completely. I have a wonderful family of my own now and a good job but I struggle with life and it's all down to my horrendous childhood. My way of coping was to study, study, study so I could move away. I was lucky in that I was in close contact with my maternal Grandparents and I escaped there every school holiday

I am glad that you are happy now X My father seemed to believe because he had a bad childhood, we should too. Well I broke the mould and my kids are happy, loved and free of all the shit I had as I know your will be .

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Original poster

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 12:20

Do you think people choose to be cruel or just are?

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M1RR0R · 07/01/2022 12:22

OP, you sound like an amazing, strong women.
Your abusers are scum and no you can’t just ‘get over it’. I hope you find peace

Dozycuntlaters · 07/01/2022 12:24

It's a choice, it must be. They know what they are doing is wrong but they still do it.

SortMyHouse · 07/01/2022 12:30

This reminds reminds me of Arthur Labinjo.

This also reminds me of a character called Siggy in The Vikings, Bjorn's daughter by Purunn.
Basically, Purunn runs off. Bjorn doesn't care. Baby Siggy about 3 to 4 years old is hungry, dirty as no one looks after her, her uncles and step grandmother look at her in disdain. Poor kid drowns as she tries to wash the dirt off herself as she's ashamed because she's being picked on for being dirty.
I know this one is just a story, but this story set in the Viking times, the real case of Baby Arthur and your life OP just echos that without a mother a child is in danger.
Mother is more important than father.

My own mother is an absolute B* however, I do wonder because I'm her child maybe that's why I'm not dead? Or she knew when to stop and not go too far.
However, I will still stay without a real mother a child is doomed.

My partner has a step mother that isn't very maternal due to her own shitty childhood. She was very strict with him about school.
I tell him he's lucky, what was the worst she did? made him study so he could get into an elite institution in France! Not bad as far as step mothers go.
(He has a real mum as well, but lived with dad).

stupiduser · 07/01/2022 12:36

I think it's a mixture of nature and choice. You could have chosen to carry on the cycle but chose not to. Some see no different and carry it on. It is beyond the realms of many that these things happen which is almost a good thing as then they won't behave this way. Prison is too good for people who can act cruelly to others

stupiduser · 07/01/2022 12:38

Your story has made me go and hug my DD who is 11 very tight (off school today). We are all blessed with our children and although being a parent isn't always easy it is a gift

FabriqueBelgique · 07/01/2022 12:38

I’m so sorry

I don’t know why some of us are born into these families but I do know that you can - eventually - turn your experiences into huge strength and empathy for others, and you’re already doing better for your own family, breaking a line of abuse that may go back for generations.

Sydendad · 07/01/2022 12:38

@dotherighthing

Do you think people choose to be cruel or just are?

I think people are mostly just copying behaviour they have experienced and choose to not do an effort to change their behaviour and do the right thing. A choice of doing nothing basically. Also often children are the easy target, so they choose to take out their frustrations and pain on someone who can't fight back. So more weakness than choice I would say.

baffledbunny · 07/01/2022 12:46

@dotherighthing

Mum died when I was 7. Father married again 2 years later she was a total bitch. Widow with dd of her own aged 4. She used to batter me and my brother when my dad was out and he didnt give a shit either. Started period aged 11, she smacked my legs for hours coming back to hit me again and again as she said I was "dirty" for soiling my knickers. Then she held me down and tried to insert a tampon. I was hysterical and so embarrassed. I hated her. Always showed love to her own child but spat venom at me and my brother. Dad divorced and married again to a much younger and very stupid woman who could show no love to anyone. Very selfish and was just me me me. I left home at 15 and went to live with a friend. My childhood haunts me.

fuck so sorry to hear this. I hope you get the support you need as this is something no child should ever have to go through.

I just don't get how people can treat children this way.

MNHQ

KimMumsnet · 07/01/2022 12:46

Hello, OP. We're sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you.

We hope you don't mind, but were moving your thread to our Relationships board now.

We also thought we'd pass on to some links to organisations that might be helpful to you:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/#SupportForAdultSurvivorsOfChildhoodAbuse

www.havoca.org

napac.org.uk

supportforsurvivors.org

goldenochre · 07/01/2022 12:46

I am so sorry that this happen to you OP. Im in tears in middle of work but i am just glad you are alive and well with your own little family xx

Lots of hugs. I just there was a way to go back in time!

BettyfromBristol · 07/01/2022 13:21

Just reaching through my phone to give you a hug now as an adult and an even bigger hug to the little girl you were xx

whinetime89 · 07/01/2022 13:41

@dotherighthing I am the same- my life is in a good place. Often people will say "I don't know how you are so normal" after knowing the upbringing I had, however it is a testament to us and our strength that we have come out the other side despite the awful things that happened xx

Highfivemum · 07/01/2022 13:52

I couldn’t just scroll on without commenting. I am truly sorry that you had such a terrible childhood. I feel talking about it will help you enormously. You are a victim but you have come out and managed to now lead a normal life. Be proud of yourself. You deserve all the happiness in life. Best wishes.