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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My childhood was horendous *Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains descriptions of abuse*

101 replies

dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:03

Mum died when I was 7. Father married again 2 years later she was a total bitch. Widow with dd of her own aged 4. She used to batter me and my brother when my dad was out and he didnt give a shit either. Started period aged 11, she smacked my legs for hours coming back to hit me again and again as she said I was "dirty" for soiling my knickers. Then she held me down and tried to insert a tampon. I was hysterical and so embarrassed. I hated her. Always showed love to her own child but spat venom at me and my brother.
Dad divorced and married again to a much younger and very stupid woman who could show no love to anyone.
Very selfish and was just me me me.
I left home at 15 and went to live with a friend.
My childhood haunts me.

OP posts:
Sydendad · 07/01/2022 10:33

This never goes away. I had a nasty childhood as well with birth parents being drug addicts and alcoholics, foster homes, adoptive parents who I always wondered why they wanted children, sexual abuse by adoptive brother and adoptive uncle, physical abuse by adoptive father. Left home at 16. I can tell you that I struggled with life considerably after. Managed to finish school,, have a good job and even get married and have kids. All in all good but completely blanketed with depression.
Therapy really was a life saver for me and the fact it's a professional byou are talking to makes all the difference, they are never going to repeat anything you say. They did help me feel that I wasn't mad and that it all rally happened and that I was feeling the way I did for good reason. Just that knowledge helped me move forward.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:34

@Pickledlipstick

Oh I’m in tears reading this! You poor thing and it broke my heart you used to go in a shop for a little bit of kindness from the lady. A little girl who lost her mum. So sorry this happened to you my lovely xxx
Bless you thank you. xx
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Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:35

@Sydendad

This never goes away. I had a nasty childhood as well with birth parents being drug addicts and alcoholics, foster homes, adoptive parents who I always wondered why they wanted children, sexual abuse by adoptive brother and adoptive uncle, physical abuse by adoptive father. Left home at 16. I can tell you that I struggled with life considerably after. Managed to finish school,, have a good job and even get married and have kids. All in all good but completely blanketed with depression. Therapy really was a life saver for me and the fact it's a professional byou are talking to makes all the difference, they are never going to repeat anything you say. They did help me feel that I wasn't mad and that it all rally happened and that I was feeling the way I did for good reason. Just that knowledge helped me move forward.
Thank you xx
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Draineddraineddrained · 07/01/2022 10:35

Another very therapeutic thing is raising your kids the way you would like to have been raised. But it can be hard with a difficult background. When they're babies and toddlers it can seem easy, but when they hit more challenging years and especially the age you were experiencing such hardship it can be very difficult for an abused parent not to feel huge frustration and even anger at their children, comparing what they had with what their children have and wondering why it isn't "enough" for them to behave etc. There's a really good book by Phillipa Perry about how our upbringing affects our parenting and how to deal with it xx

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:37

@Draineddraineddrained

Another very therapeutic thing is raising your kids the way you would like to have been raised. But it can be hard with a difficult background. When they're babies and toddlers it can seem easy, but when they hit more challenging years and especially the age you were experiencing such hardship it can be very difficult for an abused parent not to feel huge frustration and even anger at their children, comparing what they had with what their children have and wondering why it isn't "enough" for them to behave etc. There's a really good book by Phillipa Perry about how our upbringing affects our parenting and how to deal with it xx
You are very profound thank you. XX
OP posts:
liliainterfrutices · 07/01/2022 10:38

I'm so sorry.
Based on my experiences a therapist will work with you very very gently until you feel ready to tell them what you need to. A skilled and compassionate one will know how to handle not pushing you beyond what you can handle. And the comfort of feeling heard and accepted and cared for is amazing.
Good luck, OP. You deserve so much better.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:40

@liliainterfrutices

I'm so sorry. Based on my experiences a therapist will work with you very very gently until you feel ready to tell them what you need to. A skilled and compassionate one will know how to handle not pushing you beyond what you can handle. And the comfort of feeling heard and accepted and cared for is amazing. Good luck, OP. You deserve so much better.
Thank you. Yes I will get some help it has been too long. XX
OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:42

My brother who is younger than me is also feeling the same but he will not even talk to me about it. The second step mother made him stand bare foot in the snow outside the back door for an hour when he was 4 as he made a mess with something. ( I can not remember what it was) but I do remember her locking the back door and removing the key so I could not let him in.

OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:43

No first step mother not second. So many bloody women I got mixed up,

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/01/2022 10:43

Do sorry you had such s traumatic experience with SM. You Dad is a disgrace for allowing it to happen. I hope you are happy with your DH and own DC. Therapy would help you. You could also write it all down, all the pain and misery and burn it.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:46

@caringcarer

Do sorry you had such s traumatic experience with SM. You Dad is a disgrace for allowing it to happen. I hope you are happy with your DH and own DC. Therapy would help you. You could also write it all down, all the pain and misery and burn it.
My dad was a thief, a liar and a thug. When he was dying in hospital the nurses were fond of him and treated me badly as I did not go very often ( i am shocked that I went at all!) they thought I was a bad daughter but little did they know!
OP posts:
Makingnumber2 · 07/01/2022 10:51

There's a special place in hell for people who abuse vulnerable and innocent children- I hope they're rotting there right now. I'm so sorry you and your brother had to endure such abuse. You didn't ever, ever deserve to be treated like that- like all children you deserved love, support and kindness. I hope both you and your brother can find and access the type of support that will bring you some healing and peace in the future. Flowers

Fraternaltwin · 07/01/2022 10:54

Honestly I could have typed this myself. My mum died when I was a toddler. Dad remarried within the year. Had another kid. Me and my older sister were emotionally and physically abused by the pair of them. Younger half sibling treated like a queen. Slapping across the face and hitting with a wooden spoon and a belt we’re a big thing in our house. My dad also sexually abused me when I was a teenager.

I left home in late teens. I no longer have contact with dad or stepmother and my life is happier for it.

I actually found that the gravity and extreme cruelty of their behaviour only hit me after I had my own first child. I had counselling which helped. I look on it now as a blueprint on how to never ever parent.

I’m so sorry for what you went through. 💐

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:55

@Makingnumber2

There's a special place in hell for people who abuse vulnerable and innocent children- I hope they're rotting there right now. I'm so sorry you and your brother had to endure such abuse. You didn't ever, ever deserve to be treated like that- like all children you deserved love, support and kindness. I hope both you and your brother can find and access the type of support that will bring you some healing and peace in the future. Flowers
Yes I hope the lot of them burn in hell. I am not normally a bitter person but where they are concerned I am.
OP posts:
Oneearringlost · 07/01/2022 10:56

Can you report her for historical abuse?

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:57

@Fraternaltwin

Honestly I could have typed this myself. My mum died when I was a toddler. Dad remarried within the year. Had another kid. Me and my older sister were emotionally and physically abused by the pair of them. Younger half sibling treated like a queen. Slapping across the face and hitting with a wooden spoon and a belt we’re a big thing in our house. My dad also sexually abused me when I was a teenager.

I left home in late teens. I no longer have contact with dad or stepmother and my life is happier for it.

I actually found that the gravity and extreme cruelty of their behaviour only hit me after I had my own first child. I had counselling which helped. I look on it now as a blueprint on how to never ever parent.

I’m so sorry for what you went through. 💐

How very sad and horrible. I am so sorry. Flowers
OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 10:58

I wanted to tell him as he was dying what a shit he was, but I didnt as I thought it would be cruel!

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saltandherbsandnothingnice · 07/01/2022 11:01

So sorry OP. That sounds so so hard and traumatic for this child, you. Please do more healing and good quality therapy, even just unpacking some of what happened will help. You need this and are worth it. Sending love and strength to you now and to child you enduring such hardship. X

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 11:02

My second step mother (only 11 years older than me) had 2 children of her own when she married my father but he did not want them so they were put in care. They are both in their 50's now and probably have the same issues as me. I have no idea how to find them. That is the sort of woman my father married for the 3rd time.

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Butwhhhyyyyyyy · 07/01/2022 11:03

I could have written your post, from my Mum dying at 7 and Dad remarrying a woman only 10 years my senior 2 years later and she soles out all the abuse you could imagine, I am sorry for what you went through, I know what it is like. counselling has helped me somewhat but it can not take away what happened.

beastlyslumber · 07/01/2022 11:04

That's so awful OP and I just want to send you love Flowers Also some ideas that may be worth exploring:

There's a wonderful book by Pete Walker called cptsd from surviving to thriving. There are also some good online communities such as the "crappy childhood fairy" and Patrick Teahan's youtube channel. Also reddit/cptsd might be helpful.

You might find a good therapist through the Better Help app - all online.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 11:04

Thank you everyone. I DOES help just writing it down and I will definitely look into getting some counselling

OP posts:
spiderlight · 07/01/2022 11:05

I am genuinely in tears reading this. I just want to reach back through time and give 11-year-old you a huge hug and tell you that you're not dirty, that you're a good girl and that you deserve to be loved.

Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 11:06

@beastlyslumber

That's so awful OP and I just want to send you love Flowers Also some ideas that may be worth exploring:

There's a wonderful book by Pete Walker called cptsd from surviving to thriving. There are also some good online communities such as the "crappy childhood fairy" and Patrick Teahan's youtube channel. Also reddit/cptsd might be helpful.

You might find a good therapist through the Better Help app - all online.

Thank you I have book marked them. x
OP posts:
Original poster
dotherighthing · 07/01/2022 11:07

@spiderlight

I am genuinely in tears reading this. I just want to reach back through time and give 11-year-old you a huge hug and tell you that you're not dirty, that you're a good girl and that you deserve to be loved.
I cried when I read your comment. I am not very good at accepting kindness. x
OP posts: