My childhood was horendous *Content warning added by MNHQ: thread contains descriptions of abuse*

[dotherighthing]

Mum died when I was 7. Father married again 2 years later she was a total bitch. Widow with dd of her own aged 4. She used to batter me and my brother when my dad was out and he didnt give a shit either. Started period aged 11, she smacked my legs for hours coming back to hit me again and again as she said I was "dirty" for soiling my knickers. Then she held me down and tried to insert a tampon. I was hysterical and so embarrassed. I hated her. Always showed love to her own child but spat venom at me and my brother.
Dad divorced and married again to a much younger and very stupid woman who could show no love to anyone.
Very selfish and was just me me me.
I left home at 15 and went to live with a friend.
My childhood haunts me.

I’m so sorry to read this. My DC is 11. I can’t imagine her pain if I was gone and she had to deal with this. You poor, poor little thing. I hope you have a lot of happiness in your life going forward. You deserve every bit of it.

Hello OP - your post has really moved me. Here is another big loving hug for 11 year old you, and also you today. I'm glad you have a happy life now x

I am so sorry to read what you have been through. It breaks my heart to think of the cruelty. I went to therapy and what really helped was remembering back to childhood pain and then imagining hugging and comforting my past self. It might sound strange but was very healing. Sending you love xxx

I can not watch any kindness on TV without crying or see the kids nativity without crying. I know I am crying for myself and it has to stop. I told a friend at work some of it and she said "it was a long time ago just get over it" but i am struggling to get over it.

@dotherighthing I definitely think counselling would help you, it certainly has helped me. However, I totally understand your feelings and at 55 I am still trying to be good enough!

One thing I hold dear is a comment my daughter made to me. She knows some of my childhood experience and she said that the positive outcome was that I knew how to the the best mum to her and her siblings. I will hold those words in my heart until the day I die, and I'm sure the same is true of you.

Oh OP when you say no one ever said they loved you and that you got in trouble for talking to someone in a shop that was kind to you it breaks my heart and reminds me of some of the awful cases of child abuse there have been in the news lately. I'm so sorry that you had such a horribly abusive childhood, I hope you have love around you now x

When I was getting married. (paying for all of it ourselves) I went to my fathers home after not seeing him for 6 years and asked him and my 2nd step mother to come to the wedding. SHE jumped up and said "the only reason you are asking is so that we pay!" Needless to say I stayed well away after that. I dont really know why I asked them in the first place but abused children often still have feelings for evil parents.

@dotherighthing

I can not watch any kindness on TV without crying or see the kids nativity without crying. I know I am crying for myself and it has to stop. I told a friend at work some of it and she said "it was a long time ago just get over it" but i am struggling to get over it.

Your friend at work sounds very callous and is not the right person to talk to about any of this. Hopefully as pp have suggested you can find a good therapist or a wise person to talk this through with. It was definitely not a childhood you or anyone could “get over” just like that. It sounds truly horrific, lonely, neglectful, cruel and abusive.

I have to go now but will come back and read again as your lovely comments are really helping me. thank you to everyone xxx

You're strength is so admirable. I'm sorry you went through that, I hope you find a way to access councillling in a way you're comfortable with as you truly deserve it

Just a final note. My father also moved us 50 miles away from my mums family and when you are 7 there is nothing you can do. I lost touch with all aunties and uncles and grandma and now they are mostly dead.

Your friend at work was terrible for saying that to you. I never experienced anything like what you went through but therapy was a life changer for me. I was lucky I really connected with my therapist. You need to talk all of this out. You need your pain to be validated. How awful too that even as an adult the abuse continued. I can see if I can find my therapists details and pm you if you would like? He was quite expensive but kindly reduced his rate for me and I went every other week Xxx

@PhoenixIsFlying

Your friend at work was terrible for saying that to you. I never experienced anything like what you went through but therapy was a life changer for me. I was lucky I really connected with my therapist. You need to talk all of this out. You need your pain to be validated. How awful too that even as an adult the abuse continued. I can see if I can find my therapists details and pm you if you would like? He was quite expensive but kindly reduced his rate for me and I went every other week Xxx

Yes please thank you very much. x

@dotherighthing

I have to go now but will come back and read again as your lovely comments are really helping me. thank you to everyone xxx

Be kind to yourself above all.

I have no words OP, the cruelty you endured was not your fault. They were evil, horrible people and you could not have done anything to change who or what they were.

All I can say is that even though I’m a stranger I’m proud of you. The strength it takes to stand up and face the world after enduring such abuse is nothing more than a feat of strength and the fact you went on to become a good person after all they put you through is a testament to how good of a person you are.

You hold that little girl’s hand every day, you make her feel safe and loved and she is in awe of you every second.

You cannot reverse the damage she endured or take those memories away but every day you as the adult go a little way to healing her. Every moment you play with your children, every board game, every laugh and giggle was you enabling that sad little girl another chance at her childhood. Every time you treated yourself to new clothes, a new haircut, new bedding, a day out, a trip to the cinema, tea out - you were treating her, buying her something pretty and she loves you for it.

Time heals a myriad of wounds but many will never close, I cannot recommend counselling enough but most importantly please remember to love and forgive yourself you are worthy of kindness and good things, regardless what they told you. They are the baddies not you.

Parenting really makes us remember our own childhoods, being a better parent than we had helps as a wise pp said.

What has also helped me (now my own child is grown and flown) is re-parenting myself. By acknowledging the parts of me that didn't get nurtured healthily and nurturing them now. (Example: I was dressed like a boy for years and just bought myself a fantastic pair of bright pink trainers, I am full of childhood glee every time I put them on, I am 50 for gods sake!)

A freedom for me also came in the deaths of my abusers, the world felt safer after that, I think their deaths maybe trigger us into feeling safer to finally talk and let it all out, accept, heal and move forward.

Also, bizarrely maybe, please remember there is fun (and new shoes!) to be had on this brave journey you are walking, that will not only help you but your own children and grandchildren going forwards

I am so sorry you endured such hell. You are a survivor and I have total admiration for you. If only you could go back and give your child self a huge hug. Therapy would be great but be prepared that you need to find the right therapist you click with. Don’t be out off if it doesn’t work out immediately. Your GP may be able to help with therapist they hear good feedback about. Take care OP.

I have an 11 year old daughter and am in tears over your post. I am sending you love to both the little girl you were who so deserved it and to the adult you now who I hope will receive it. My mother was brought up in a difficult home and yet was a wonderful mother to me. She broke the cycle and that helps heal. When I was in my teens she had 2 years if psychotherapy that helped her move from being anxious person to the strong woman she is today. She is now nearly 80 and it Christmas I asked her if she could reflect on her life what she felt she will tell her grandchildren. And she said that for her adult life she has been lucky and life had been wonderful even if hard at times. I hope you will be able to say the same too.

Echoing other posters- I'm so sorry you had this experience and I am glad you got through it.

Mine haunts me and my siblings too but all in very different ways. My younger sister still self harms and has massive anxiety, but on the whole seems well. I'm hot and cold with my own children, I know it and am still working on it. My older sister just cannot, still, let go of her childhood and still has so much anger about it. Everything she does is still affected, especially parenting her two children (who are now really quite emotionally fucked up as a result).

She thinks she's a wonderful parent and she is trying her best, but she's not willing to change the way she thinks about things so won't approach talking about it in different terms.

The impact of trauma accumulates with age, not everyone needs to address it but those who do and know it, really should.

I wish you all the best op, that chapter of your life is finished, that little girl made it and no longer needs rescuing - just healing.

Poor little girl. I want to give 11 year old you a hug and tell you that you are loved and precious.

None of this was your doing, OP. They were the ones at fault. Please take whatever steps needed to come to terms with the terrible way you were let down.

My friend had a truly appalling childhood and has made enormous strides through good counselling.

Please talk to your GP about getting therapy. You don't need to tell them the details but I promise it will help you.

And please don't' be embarrassed; none of this is your fault.

A lot of us have had shit childhoods. It's what you do with the rest of your life that counts and it sounds as though you are settled and happy. Just time to wave goodbye to the demons of days gone by.

Best wishes with it all and keep talking to us if it's helping. x

This is absolutely horrendous and I am so so sorry you had to live through that. Sorry if I’ve missed it in previous posts, could you get any form of comfort at all if you built up the courage to report her awful crimes to either a support agency or to the police? Also, I agree with previous posters that therapy could also help. X

I am so sorry - what a dreadful time you had. Sending a gentle squeeze of ❤️

@dotherighthing I'm so sorry about your awful childhood and very angry on your behalf. You did not deserve any of it. I hope you get the help and support you deserve. Don't bother with people like your work colleague who dismiss you.
Hopefully even just sharing it will help a bit. Sending love .

None of us 3 children went to my mums funeral as we were too young so she just disappeared! My father never told us where she was buried as she was buried not a cremation. We asked for years and he said he did not know. We later found out she was in an unmarked grave and my brother very recently (only a few months) found the plot and had a head stone made and erected, I now feel that I have somewhere to grieve although it is 50 miles away.