Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Complicated finances

121 replies

Caradel · 06/01/2022 16:50

My partner has brought up a complex money issue which I really have no idea where to start with it, so any helpful perspectives would be appreciated.

Last year my partner and I bought our first home together. We equally contributed to the deposit and costs of the purchase.

It was a renovation project. My partner did a lot of the work himself, I couldn't help physically due to being pregnant. He did this over 2 months whilst his business was closed for the summer. We equally contributed to all the renovation costs. I did a lot of the admin and anything else I could do that wasn't physical labour. I didn't take anytime off work to focus on the renovation as I wanted to save my annual leave to add onto my maternity leave once baby was born.

He now says he wants some financial compensation/recognition for the contribution he made by doing all that work (which has increased the value of the property). He is saying that he has also lost earnings during these 2 months, even though he had a planned closure of his business during those months. When I've questioned this he lists potential things he 'could' have done in those 2 months to earn money. This is the part I dislike as I dont think bringing these 'could' scenarios is helpful or relevant.

I've known all along that he has held some resentment that he worked really hard on the property (it was very difficult and a lot of things went wrong) and I didn't do much. But it wasn't out of choice...I was growing a baby!

This issue has only just come up now because we are taking about our finances whilst I'm on maternity leave. I've said a few things about not thinking it's fair that I contribute equally to monthly costs when I'm not earning. And only now has he bought up this issue about the renovations. I should say as well that he is trying to grown his business, is worried about financial stability, worried about supporting a family , and I think that is influencing the way he thinking about things.

He is a kind, decent, honest man and we really value fairness and equality in our relationship. So I am looking for advice to help me see things from all perspectives. Please do not just side with me as I am female/mother/mat leave etc..

OP posts:
dittymcdit · 07/01/2022 08:14

@Caradel so now you're on mat leave I assume your income has gone down? And from your OP I understand that you're still making the same financial contribution that you did whilst you were still working?
This (if correct) on top of your current issue does not show your DP to be a kind decent man Sad

thetinsoldier · 07/01/2022 08:18

He doesn't sound kind or decent. Tell him you'll invoice him for the time you spent growing your child...

And don't give up work.

2DogsOnMySofa · 07/01/2022 08:24

Sounds very bizarre, if you start down that route then you end up thinking about childcare, housework etc etc

Iamnotamermaid · 07/01/2022 08:25

You both need a better, less DIY financial arrangement. If, as you say, he wants to remortgage some of the house (more than 50%) to invest in his business than you (ideally both of you) need to discuss with a financial advisor and/or solicitor to ensure both parties interest are protected and secured.

Charging you for the work he did on it is not the way to go.

AtillatheHun · 07/01/2022 08:31

So he is using your family home as leverage to prop an ailing business arhat (I’m guessing) you have no share of??? No. Sell, take your 50% and buy something for yourself. Or tell him to get a business bank loan that isn’t backed by your home as security.

lucillelarusso · 07/01/2022 08:34

Say you want 75% of the property as compensation for growing his child inside your body. He's horrible OP

Isonthecase · 07/01/2022 08:42

Did he have to pay half the bills when his business was shut to support the family by working on the house? Because if he did I think you need to when you're not working to support the family by being on maternity.

I really think you need a joint bank account for family expenses that you contribute to proportional to income. This sounds far more transactional than a loving relationship should ever be so you need to hash out the finances.

BumbledBee · 07/01/2022 08:43

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus

He's clearly being ridiculous. However if he wants a logical argument surely you are losing money by taking maternity leave to raise his child. Is he going to financially compensate you for the loss of earning and impact on on your career progression? That would be more than a couple of months salary. I got an enhanced maternity package and still lost 26k in earnings by taking my maternity leave.
This.

Clearly it isn't possible to quantify the value added by your child. So he will need to forget the value added from his work on the house. Loss of earnings, however, could be workable, but it isn't going to come out in his favour!

anxiouswaiting · 07/01/2022 09:22

Ah, I assume he will be compensating you for all the hard work your body did growing and birthing the baby that your share then, yes? Because of course you could have been using those 9 months doing something else.

Also he will be paying you half the cost of childcare for the time you are off caring for the baby?

He is not a kind man and his attitude is very unattractive!

Iloveacurry · 07/01/2022 09:30

He’s a twat. Work out how much salary you will be losing when you’re on maternity leave and ask to be compensated by him!

Saltypeppa · 07/01/2022 09:31

Wow, this raises huge red flags. Not normal or decent behaviour. Quite shocking.
Show him this thread if he suggests he is being reasonable.

Randommother · 07/01/2022 10:36

Ok, so I’m going to give a different perspective. He’s looking to release equity that has been created from the work he has done on the house, to invest in his business. If the outcome of this is a more profitable business, and therefore better financial security for your family then I’m not sure what the issue is. However, if you feel that it’s too much of a risk that would put you in debt and potentially not reap the rewards he thinks it will, then the answer should be no. Either way, the decision, the risk and the reward should be something that is shared equally between you.

Keepitonthedownlow · 07/01/2022 10:42

@Randommother

Ok, so I’m going to give a different perspective. He’s looking to release equity that has been created from the work he has done on the house, to invest in his business. If the outcome of this is a more profitable business, and therefore better financial security for your family then I’m not sure what the issue is. However, if you feel that it’s too much of a risk that would put you in debt and potentially not reap the rewards he thinks it will, then the answer should be no. Either way, the decision, the risk and the reward should be something that is shared equally between you.
Thing is, it's not making better financial security for the family. The OP is not married, so objectively she would be worse off, while the partner's business is of no benefit to the OP. He obviously views the relationship as two separate financial entities. Not a joint enterprise. He is not 'all in' or thinking of the OP. OP is vulnerable financially in many ways and he has shown his true colours.
sjxoxo · 07/01/2022 10:45

@Randommother

Ok, so I’m going to give a different perspective. He’s looking to release equity that has been created from the work he has done on the house, to invest in his business. If the outcome of this is a more profitable business, and therefore better financial security for your family then I’m not sure what the issue is. However, if you feel that it’s too much of a risk that would put you in debt and potentially not reap the rewards he thinks it will, then the answer should be no. Either way, the decision, the risk and the reward should be something that is shared equally between you.
@Randommother the problem with him using the capital from the house as investment fir the business is that they aren’t married - the business is his asset. The house is a shared asset as they are both owners. So essentially he is asking op to give up a portion of her capital for his business. On top of him asking for her to pay him for the work he’s done on their joint asset, whilst she takes a reduction in earnings during maternity, yet he wants her to still pay 50% of bills. As there’s no mention of marriage or civil partnership (or alternative legal framework) it puts the op at financial risk.. plus his lack of partnership! X
Sunnysideup999 · 07/01/2022 10:48

Wow. Charge him rent for growing your baby

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2022 10:53

It’s not complicated. At all. I’m not sure why you think it is. I’m equally not sure why you say he’s kind and decent, please don’t minimise how ridiculous and awful he’s being.

Why aren’t you married?

Did he want the baby?

What money is he expecting you to pay half from while you’re on maternity?

How much do you know about his business? It’s got to be in a bad way if he needs to take money from the house to keep it going.

I haven’t seen your other thread, what else has he done that’s upset you?

You’re very vulnerable right now. Take this as the stark warning it is about how he sees your so called partnership and your role in it.

Randommother · 07/01/2022 10:56

Ok, I missed the part about them not being married. For this to work the risk and reward has to be shared equally, otherwise it’s untenable.

IamGusFring · 07/01/2022 10:58

he wants a slightly larger share of the property, to remortgage and release the equity so he has cash to invest in his business

He sounds like a selfish man and this is a no no .

ProudThrilledHappy · 07/01/2022 11:14

Fucking hell. He’s complaining that you being unable to help with renovations because you were pregnant with his child makes him entitled to a greater share of the property??

Even without reading your other thread he sounds like a total cock.

Keepitonthedownlow · 07/01/2022 11:16

Also remortgaging to a finance a business sounds really risky. And the OP will be liable for the debt, with none of the reward from the business, unless he had a Ltd Company and gives her shares.

ProudThrilledHappy · 07/01/2022 11:18

Wow just read your other thread. Does he know the baby is half his or does he just think you went and got yourself pregnant from swimming in a magical baby lake?

Sounds like he doesn’t want any financial responsibility to his own child at all.

tiredanddangerous · 07/01/2022 11:26

I assume he's panicking because his business is in trouble? Don't let him put the house at risk.

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 07/01/2022 11:29

This is one the worst financial relationship issues I've ever read about here op.

It's not complicated at all. He doesn't see you as a team , that's the truth of it.

Please think about whether you want to be with him any longer and certainly don't have more children with him. You wouldn't want to inconvenience him financially by being pregnant again now would you?

ProudThrilledHappy · 07/01/2022 11:36

@Keepitonthedownlow

Also remortgaging to a finance a business sounds really risky. And the OP will be liable for the debt, with none of the reward from the business, unless he had a Ltd Company and gives her shares.
This is the crux of it too, he wants to benefit from your financial investment in the property but puts you at risk of the increased mortgage cost of the business fails.
TracyMosby · 07/01/2022 11:40

He is a kind, decent, honest man and we really value fairness and equality in our relationship
Fair and equal doesnt mean the same. He isnt kind or decent. He is out for himself.

This is not a good man, op. Do not disadvantage yourself further. He will already be near impossible to get child maintenance from him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread