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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Women want emotional support from a man but men want.....

81 replies

Inth3know · 04/01/2022 22:32

Having a conversation with a friend today and we were discussing what men and women want/need from each. She insisted women want emotional support from her man but what does a man want from his woman? Or look for in a woman? This does not have to be in a marriage.

I like emotional support from a man and I would not continue the relationship if I was not getting this. But what does a man want? I should probably know this, it has got me thinking anyhow.

OP posts:
Nightday · 04/01/2022 22:53

In my experience sex on tap, someone who will do 90% of the daily drudgery, some who doesn’t nag and someone who gives them adulation all the time.

I haven’t had much luck.

Kenwouldmixitup · 04/01/2022 22:54

Sex

AmandaHoldensLips · 04/01/2022 22:55

Sex

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/01/2022 22:55

Men want emotional support too.

Waferbiscuit · 04/01/2022 22:57

Women who are uncomplicated. Happy, simple, easy.

Also they do seem to want and expect to have domestic servitude/support.

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 22:58

Sex

SlB09 · 04/01/2022 22:59

F

ShippingNews · 04/01/2022 23:02

Sex and cooking nice meals.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2022 23:03

Sex, obviously.
Seriously though, men may have a greater need for emotional support from a romantic relationship because, traditionally and stereotypically, their friendships can be more superficial.
I don't really think domestic servitude is what they're all looking for because not all relationships lead to cohabitation.

LampLighter414 · 04/01/2022 23:05

Men want emotional support too.

But yes sex.

Two way affection (if you are the type to let them come to you for affection, be proactive and give your DP a random kiss or cuddle and see how much they appreciate it)

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 23:13

Everyone wants emotional support - from a committed partner. It's shouldnt be reason on its own to get with someone though.

Men want emotional support from their partners too. But they also want other things. As we all do.

...they just might want certain things more sometimes 😉

Heruka · 04/01/2022 23:13

I agree that they also want emotional support and that this may be achieved through sex in a way that it often is not for women. Some mens idea of emotional support however is achieved through the subservience of a partner. Others are a bit more flexible and able to critique the patriarchy, not as many as you’d hope…

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 04/01/2022 23:34

Sex, clean house, meals provided

LadyCatStark · 04/01/2022 23:48

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Sex, clean house, meals provided
Sadly, this.
WrigglyDonCat · 04/01/2022 23:58

Interesting that the OP kind of split between what do men want and what do they look for. When thinking about it, I took 'what I want' as what do I want to receive in or get out from a relationship, whereas 'what I look for' seems more about the characteristics that form an attraction for me.

Top of my list (in no particular order) for what I suppose I look for, apart from a good level of physical attraction:
A brilliant mind, especially the rare ability for true critical thought
Mental and physical resilience and toughness
Independence of thought and action - not feeling the need to fit in with the masses
A love of cats (well all animals, but cats is a must
A love of a simple, quiet life with lots of tasty rustic home cooking (by me, although always happy to accept help or eat other people's creations...)
No religion (see brilliant mind above)
No spiritual fluff or new age woo (see brilliant mind above)
No umbilical to a mobile phone or similar device

What do I want, well that's much harder to pin down. I want the intellectually challenging conversations. I want the moments where the pair of us roll around in stitches of laughter over something really silly that has set us off. I want the feelings of security and stability that come from a good relationship. I suppose all of these things really count in one way or another as emotional support, although not always perhaps in the way originally meant.

And of course, another want, the simplistic suggestion of many above, sex, is always welcome and yes probably for me falls under the idea of emotional support.

hazandduck · 05/01/2022 00:00

My DH has told me numerous times that he doesn’t really talk about his feelings to anyone except me. He’s such a closed book he has said before I am the only person who knows him or has seen him cry etc. I didn’t get that really as I have so many people, friends, siblings, my parents, that I turn to for emotional support. He has nobody else, despite having friends and loving parents, and our little girls, that he feels he can be himself properly around. So I think in our relationship, he definitely needs emotional support more than I do.

I sadly do agree though with the above comment that almost every man I know expects a degree of domestic servitude (and childcare) from a woman, be it their mother, granny, aunt, sister or spouse. Those old engrained gender roles are bloody hard to shake off.

Anonforthis1234 · 05/01/2022 00:07

Obviously depends on the men and, unfortunately, there still are many who fit the stereotype of a surrogate mother once they've flown the nest.

That said, about men and sex...

I agree that they also want emotional support and that this may be achieved through sex in a way that it often is not for women

I've gone NC on this as I'm a fairly regular poster and feel a bit bashful chatting about this, however, as a man, by and large I agree there does seem to be something that's a bit more vital about sex for men than for women. That said, for me, the importance isn't so much the thrill and "urge" as it were - its more the way making love really does increase intimacy.

When I think about it, its when two people are really at their most vulnerable - naked, showing their whole body off warts and all, exposing the most sensitive parts of their body. Even more so during the act itself where women allow the man to penetrate them. That must take a hell of a lot of trust (to a lesser extent, similar for men too with oral, since you're putting one of the most sensitive organs of your body somewhere where serious damage could be done, if the one giving it were so inclined!)

Maybe its the fact that men, generally, aren't so good with the whole sharing and communicating of emotions (as a PP noted above - largely, I feel, because we're conditioned to be stoic and taught this is "desirable" not just by society, but by women specifically too - the whole "strong and silent" type). Its often noted that men have to have a "reason" to bond - whether its playing sports or going fishing or putting up a shed - where the bonding occurs almost under the pretence of it being a happy side-effect (just watch Gone Fishing). So I guess it stands to reason sex might be a similar. Hopefully things are slowly changing in this regard for men though.

Anonforthis1234 · 05/01/2022 00:12

PS: by "we're conditioned to be stoic and taught this is "desirable" not just by society, but by women specifically too" I mean, that we're taught by society that women specifically find this desirable - not that women themselves teach us its desirable specifically!

RoseSays · 05/01/2022 00:23

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Sex, clean house, meals provided
I am going to be single forever! I'm really done with being subservient, I can't face doing it again, I just can't love someone who puts me on that position, plus I don't earn particularly well so I don't get to compete with that instead. I'm doomed (although I do like sex)!
Babyvenusplant · 05/01/2022 00:26

I've actually found the men I've dated have craved emotional connections more than I even have.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 05/01/2022 00:34

The three F's. Fed, fueled and fucked.

I read that somewhere. Not original content.

Derelicthome · 05/01/2022 01:15

A cheerleader (not literally but someone who is all ‘yay you’)

RantyAunty · 05/01/2022 03:15

Women want emotional support. It seems something very few men know how or are willing to give.

Tealtalk · 05/01/2022 03:27

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Sex, clean house, meals provided
Yes basically a prostitute who doesn’t charge and a mother Sadly I think this is true
Ivyonafence · 05/01/2022 04:14

This is so depressing.

I hope we're wrong.