Women want emotional support from a man but men want.....

[Inth3know]

Having a conversation with a friend today and we were discussing what men and women want/need from each. She insisted women want emotional support from her man but what does a man want from his woman? Or look for in a woman? This does not have to be in a marriage.

I like emotional support from a man and I would not continue the relationship if I was not getting this. But what does a man want? I should probably know this, it has got me thinking anyhow.

Someone happy, nice to look at who will give them a lot of praise and have sex with them.

Definitely emotional support and reassurance. Yes, sex, although in my experience that hasn't been the most important part. Beyond that, I would also say respect - men want someone who makes them feel better about themselves which ultimately comes through respect. DH and I have often talked about how the foundations of our relationship are kindness and respect.

I like having sex, good food and my house looked after too; I don’t see how that’s unique to men?

I think it’s about emotional support at the core - but if I’m going to make dubiously sweeping generalisations I’d surmise that men get a confidence boost from the feeling that they can make you happy, and that sex is a fundamental part of their emotional support experience.

I think that, for some men, the majority of their emotional support can come within marriage, whereas many women have ways of accessing support outside of that relationship

This thread is so depressing. My DH definitely turns to me for emotional support and our sex drives are well matched.

I don’t think it’s unusual for men to look for emotional support in their partners. At least not among my friends.

I dont think we necessarily want different things broadly-we want someone who will fit into our own life and us into theirs, compliment it and make it better and to be there for each other. It may mean different things-men are stereotypically cast as wanting sex, but I definitely want that too! Its important! But so is laughing together, growing and changing together (I know Dh and I are different people to when we married 16 years ago) and someone who will compromise 50% of the time. Someone who you can just be yourself around.

I think some men do want someone to wait on them hand and foot. DH would probably very much like that as well, but bollocks to that for a game of soldiers. I do cook though, but I actually like cooking so he doesn't really get a look in! Everything else though we share out.

Men are human! Of course they have the same needs as women - intimacy, emotional support, connection, bonding, sex... these are human needs.

Men want the same things we all want in a relationship surely, to be accepted and understood and loved unconditionally.

@DillonPanthersTexas

I guess I'm an anomaly then. I wanted an equal, a confidant, a best friend, an emotional connection, an ally, a shared set of values, a partner to face life's challenges with.

Snap. Exactly what I want in a partner.

I think men want an emotional connection, and the feeling of stability that a loving relationship brings. Sex is an aspect of this, as I think for men it is very intertwined with the emotional connection. Although my DH also hugely values non-sexual physical intimacy - e.g. the random cuddle while we're sorting stuff out in the kitchen.

Men often get less emotional support from their friends than women do, so they are more reliant on romantic relationships for it.

I think the stereotypical view of a man wanting sex and a housekeeper can sometimes be true - but only for those men who are most stuck in toxic masculine behaviours. In my experience it hasn't been the norm (although I've been picky when choosing my partners).

I'd go with the emotional support and add in companionship.
Sex is good but sometimes it doesn't quite come together due to work/health etc but we still love being together.

He has a small number of good friends but doesn't talk to them about personal issues much, these he talks to me about, his hopes and fears. Although even these he sometimes keeps to himself if he thinks it'll cause me problems. As someone has said he wants someone he can be himself around, he doesn't worry about 'correctness' as I don't take offence, I know he'd never want to hurt or offend me nor I him.

If anyone was the 'cheerleader' it was him, he helped me change career paths and helped me study for the course. He did most of the child care when we had babies, loved being a dad. Had his own place when we got together so I knew what his housekeeping was like, hasn't changed. He enjoys cooking and is a better cook than me so looking for a cleaner/cook wasn't high on his list, if it was he picked the wrong person. If things need doing we just do them, we don't have a his and hers list. We shop together, during covid its about the only time we went out together.

So all in all I'd go with the support and companionship plus of course sex. I think we're well matched as I suspect when you boil it down its pretty much what I want as well.

Men want the same things we all want in a relationship surely, to be accepted and understood and loved unconditionally.

Nope, sex, meals and laundry only.

@GalesThisMorning

Men are human! Of course they have the same needs as women - intimacy, emotional support, connection, bonding, sex... these are human needs.

Men want the same things we all want in a relationship surely, to be accepted and understood and loved unconditionally.

Men might want to be loved unconditionally, but it might be the very worst thing you can do.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I recently decided as a single mum I want a wife and a husband I need all the stereotypes provided !!!

Brilliant! I used to have very similar thoughts 😂

This thread is so depressing

Ha , go on tinder for a month
Then come back

An old ex of mine was also on tinder and he said all the women had too many issues and weren’t intelligent
Think men hate it too !!!

Men definitely want emotional support , someone to talk over hard situations over with , a person they can open up to . Agree with other posters that they often don’t get this from friends . Also a companion that can do things with as a couple.
I’m talking about my experience from long term relationships, not young guys dating .

Mt DP definitely turns to me for emotional support. As I do him. We do express that support differently though. Stereotypically, I start with the "female" "let's talk about your feelings thing", whereas he does the "male" "let's look for practical solutions thing". Sometime we both have to tell each other we are looking for a different kind of support.

And I think the sex thing is also misunderstood. Women generally are more tactile with a wider group of people. It is socially acceptable to kiss and hug friends, parents, acquaintances much more readily than it is for men. For men, that need is mostly met within a relationship and during sex, particularly if they are the more stoic partner in a relationship (ie aren't very tactile outside of the bedroom) Women get their need for touch met from more than just sex with their partner, so need that side of sex less. Massively generalising there obviously!

I agree with respect, sex and emotional support. I'm not sure in what order! My DP probably needs more emotional support than I do because he doesn't discuss anything (meaningful) with friends/family whereas I have more support from others (although am careful not to discuss anything too personal to the relationship). Sometimes that's annoying as if we have differing viewpoints, he will never get an alternative perspective gently pointed out by a friend whereas I do have that outlet.

I have dated and been in longterm relationships with both men and women. In my anecdotal experience, men in general have a higher sex drive (though not all!) but most of all they seem to have been looking for physical affection, hugs and closeness, which I suppose is emotional support. Also, fun company.

I think there can be something in that idea that women want to be understood and men want to be admired.

I’ve met a lot of guys who would be perfectly happy as long as they have sex, admiration and a hot meal.

Then again, i’ve also met men who want the whole shebang- partnership, emotional intimacy, someone to share with and be companions with. Very mutual and both giving and receiving support, connection, fun, being understood and respect.

Anecdotally most men i’ve known have a different sex drive to the women i’ve known. As in not necessarily higher or more powerful just more able to switch it on and off at the drop of a hat! Like can go from 0-horny in a second it seems!

@DillonPanthersTexas

Men want the same things we all want in a relationship surely, to be accepted and understood and loved unconditionally.

Nope, sex, meals and laundry only.

Probably reflects more on the guys you meet than men in general.

May be worth asking yourself what you want. Judging by posts on MN it tends to be good looking, hot sex and lots of fun who morphs into tidy, likes housework, children and family life. Comes as a shock when they seem to be stuck on sex and fun when you've moved onto family life. Perhaps spending more time finding out about long term desires/needs before starting a family is good.

I find most men I know well want emotional support more or would miss it more after a breakup from their partners because they don’t get it as much from their friends, whereas female friendships tend to offer more of this.

I find the answers to this really sad and I’m glad I know some nicer men!

@WrigglyDonCat

Interesting that the OP kind of split between what do men want and what do they look for. When thinking about it, I took 'what I want' as what do I want to receive in or get out from a relationship, whereas 'what I look for' seems more about the characteristics that form an attraction for me.

Top of my list (in no particular order) for what I suppose I look for, apart from a good level of physical attraction:
A brilliant mind, especially the rare ability for true critical thought
Mental and physical resilience and toughness
Independence of thought and action - not feeling the need to fit in with the masses
A love of cats (well all animals, but cats is a must
A love of a simple, quiet life with lots of tasty rustic home cooking (by me, although always happy to accept help or eat other people's creations...)
No religion (see brilliant mind above)
No spiritual fluff or new age woo (see brilliant mind above)
No umbilical to a mobile phone or similar device

What do I want, well that's much harder to pin down. I want the intellectually challenging conversations. I want the moments where the pair of us roll around in stitches of laughter over something really silly that has set us off. I want the feelings of security and stability that come from a good relationship. I suppose all of these things really count in one way or another as emotional support, although not always perhaps in the way originally meant.

And of course, another want, the simplistic suggestion of many above, sex, is always welcome and yes probably for me falls under the idea of emotional support.

Many women want physical good looks, height, a “brilliant mind”, a high earner, helps around the house and emotional support. A surprisingly high number of men just want emotional support and, yes, sex.

A woman who they find attractive
An uncomplicated life without too much drama.
Affection and sex.

Men aren't a monolith. Neither are women. You can't just say "men want X" or "women want X" and it be true.

So much pointless generalising on this thread - men don't know how to do emotional support, men don't do X Y Z.

By saying that and acting as though that's true you strengthen the patriarchal, toxic masculinity bullshit that means men feel it's okay to act that way and stops younger men learning that they don't have to suppress the elements of themselves that aren't 'what men do'.

My 6 year old cousin, upset because he got told by another boy at nursery that he wasn't allowed to play in the play kitchen cos cooking is for girls. Where's he learned that? If he hears some variation of "X is what boys do, you shouldn't do Y it's for girls" for the next 12 years, what kind of man will he be at 18? Someone who believes those things.

So maybe start seeing women and men as faceted individuals and stop perpetuating (and accepting) the stereotypes.

Many women want physical good looks, height, a “brilliant mind”, a high earner, helps around the house and emotional support

Right now I want
Someone I fancy and want to shag
Solvent
Emotionally literate
Similar values

I’m not asking for much

Agree with this
A woman who they find attractive
An uncomplicated life without too much drama.
Affection and sex

Nailed it