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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Women want emotional support from a man but men want.....

81 replies

Inth3know · 04/01/2022 22:32

Having a conversation with a friend today and we were discussing what men and women want/need from each. She insisted women want emotional support from her man but what does a man want from his woman? Or look for in a woman? This does not have to be in a marriage.

I like emotional support from a man and I would not continue the relationship if I was not getting this. But what does a man want? I should probably know this, it has got me thinking anyhow.

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 05/01/2022 04:38

I haven’t found men to be less likely to want emotional support.

I laughed pretty hard at the person who wants a brilliant mind…..like his own, I presume.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

sofato5miles · 05/01/2022 04:46

Most men's closest confidente is their romantic partner. I most definitely have had that role in my relationships.

Sex for me is vital, it has been for some but not all my partners.

I am not very domestic, yet have had a lobg marriage and am now in a committed relationship with someone most definitely more into cleaning and tidying than me.

But we are in love because of our mental, physical and emotional compatibility which DP said he had always craved. I had too, so we had similar wants and needs. We are both equals financially which also helps.

LavenderAskew · 05/01/2022 04:52

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

The three F's. Fed, fueled and fucked.

I read that somewhere. Not original content.

Isn't fed and fueled be the same thing?

I think me want emotional support too, it's just more likely to be through sex.

madisonbridges · 05/01/2022 05:02

@Waferbiscuit

Women who are uncomplicated. Happy, simple, easy.

Also they do seem to want and expect to have domestic servitude/support.

I'm a woman and I want this in a man.
madisonbridges · 05/01/2022 05:03

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

Sex, clean house, meals provided
I want this too.
AlDanvers · 05/01/2022 05:52

Depends on the man and depends on their age. Thinking about the 3 men in ky life I have known best.

My current Dp needs emotional support. Outwardly he is very stoic, his father was a twat and impressed on him that boys dont cry and fight and are twats and that women love this. How dp never ended up in prison (or dead) from his upbringing I dont know. Only me and his younger sister have seen him cry, apparently since he was about 12 according to his step mum. He does think that sex increases intimacy. But then so do I, so it works.

But he definitely needs someone to listen to him and talk things out with. And he can only do that with a couple of people he completely trusts.

My dad is extremely stoic. The emotional support he needs is just from being with him. Mum passed away a few weeks ago. He has cried in front of me twice. Thought admitted he has cried when alone. He thanked me for all my support. I don't think I provided any. I was just doing what needed to be done and looking after his practical needs. I finished mum Christmas shopping for the grandkids, had him round for dinner or he has cooked and we have gone there, attended funeral directors appointments, keep going with my kids, ask if he needs any shopping when I go. He is quite self sufficient as he did lost of the house work and shopping. Mum's death was sudden, but she had been getting visibly older and he had taken alot on as soon as he retired. So alot of the stuff, I do. He doesn't need. But he has found me offering or thinking of things for him, as a show of support and he seems really touched by my efforts. For me I was just doing what you do when you mum dies. He says when he was younger he would have just wanted space and everyone to leave him alone. But now just having someone there, even if it's him doing the cooking is nice as an example.

He did shed a tear on Christmas day. When he was in the living room with Dp. Dp just sat on the arm of the sofa, put his hand on his shoulder and didn't say anything. Again, Dad was rely touched by this. Dp didn't think he had done much and said he wished he could find some word of comfort.

I obviously have no idea what he was looking for when he met mum when they were 19 or looking for in a wife. But I suspect its very different now he is in his 60s.

My exh definitely wanted sex. But more than that I think he wanted a cover. He wanted to be able to do what he wanted when he wanted. He also felt pressure to have the normal wife and kids. He pushed for kids. We had 2. Since we spoke he doesn't bother with them. But does keep getting girlfriends with kids, living in with them and playing happy families. His girlfriends are always professionals, appearing to have their shit together and financially stable. Like me. I spent years holding the finances together providing a stable base for him while he did whatever he wanted. He admitted towards the end he wanted sex because ghat was confirmation I belonged to him like a dog pissing on a lamp post. Which is why he was comfortable sexual assaulting me.

Oddly, neither exh or dp have expected meals, cooked or the house kept by me and gave both done at least their fair share. Ad worked shifts but always did alot when he was home, when I was young. Dp probably does more than me. But that's due to the fact that I usually work more hours. So anecdotally, my experience of men wanting that from me is non existent.

Antsgomarching · 05/01/2022 06:11

My DH appears to have got married so he has someone to send interesting articles to. Happy to receive. I think men do want emotional connection, my DH only really talks to me I think.

Kbyodjs · 05/01/2022 06:25

I think men want emotional support but in a different way (perhaps more ego massaging) and a lot don’t know how to provide the emotional support that women need

BillMasen · 05/01/2022 06:43

@Anonforthis1234

PS: by "we're conditioned to be stoic and taught this is "desirable" not just by society, but by women specifically too" I mean, that we're taught by society that women specifically find this desirable - not that women themselves teach us its desirable specifically!
Spot on

I want an emotional connection. Of course I do.

If you think men don’t then you’ve believed this, that men need to be stoic, tough, unemotional.

Overall this thread is a really depressing insight into what a lot of women think of men

knittingaddict · 05/01/2022 06:52

My limited experience of being married to one man for 30 plus years, tells me that they want exactly what I want - companionship, someone to share their lives with, someone to talk and laugh with, someone to support them emotionally and physically, and sex.

Obviously that's a test group of one couple, but we both want sex and to be emotionally supported. I not sure it helps to assign one particular set of needs to a particular sex. It might be true for some couples, but definitely not all or even most.

Manonymous · 05/01/2022 07:16

Women who are uncomplicated. Happy, simple, easy.

Ironically that means women want men who give emotional support but men want women who don't need emotional support.

VaguelyInteresting · 05/01/2022 07:20

IME men want an easy life- by which I mean not to be relied upon for emotional support...

Explains a lot.

VaguelyInteresting · 05/01/2022 07:21

I do think they also want to be emotionally supported though. So not “without connection”- just biased in one direction.

Hippychicken1 · 05/01/2022 07:26

Most relationships end over lack of sex and lack of money obviously that’s simplifying it but it’s what I’ve noticed

So for me my DH wants sex - decent sex life with his wife I’m happy to ensure that we both get that

My DH is happy to do everything around the house cook clean walk the dogs all the diy take me anywhere I want as long as he had a good sex life
In return I’m happy to have a good sex life and keep him happy as I hate cooking can’t do DIY and basically I’m a lazy cow 😂

We both give each other emotional support him more than me . he was fantastic with my parents when they were weren’t well and he deals with a lot of what id often called wife work
Yet he is a very strong alpha male secure in-himself that he doesn’t give a shit if people think he’s doing all the housework or wife work.

I know a lot will say I’m stupid and maybe submissive but I’m not
I’ve been married 23 years so it must work for us

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 05/01/2022 07:29

Companionship and sex.

heidbuttsupper · 05/01/2022 07:30

Sex
An easy life

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 05/01/2022 07:32

Not arsed about the meals and domestic stuff. I can do that easily.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/01/2022 07:35

I recently decided as a single mum I want a wife and a husband
I need all the stereotypes provided !!!

Whatwouldscullydo · 05/01/2022 07:36

Sex, the ability to opt in and out of family life . And someone.who doesn't mind them living the single life.

With absolutely no ability to connect the dots. That they won't get any of that without treating their partner with love respect and that sex starts with the brain not humping your.leg like a dog as u try to wash up

DillonPanthersTexas · 05/01/2022 07:46

I guess I'm an anomaly then. I wanted an equal, a confidant, a best friend, an emotional connection, an ally, a shared set of values, a partner to face life's challenges with.

MephistophelesApprentice · 05/01/2022 08:00

Don't care about clean houses (actively feel unhappy in them, thanks abusive mother), I can fix my own meals.

But sex IS emotional support. A space to be yourself at the most primal and vulnerable, and to share the joy of that with your partner.

Veeveeoxox · 05/01/2022 08:04

A domestic appliance who does everything and a shag Sad

Sarahlou63 · 05/01/2022 08:08

I remember an exh's online profile which said that he wanted to meet someone "who would engage and be engaging" which I thought was rather elegant.

Sunshine4you · 05/01/2022 08:13

Men want respect foremost and love second.

FindingMeno · 05/01/2022 08:14

Sex and mothering.
Eww.

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