Alcoholism question

[BTF21]

I am preparing to leave my partner. I cannot take his drinking anymore. My question is, how can his liver function test results be okay when he drinks so much? I would estimate on average 150 units a week. I have heard a few stories like this where they drink everyday but their liver function levels come back normal. This then makes them think their drinking is fine and they carry on. Does this mean they can drink everyday well into their old age with no consequences?

No it doesn't. In my experience in can take 10/15 years to kill them sometimes depending on various factors. Sending you love and support

@UserThenLotsOfNumbers Thank you. He had a liver test done a couple of years ago. They said it was slightly high but nothing to worry about. I gave him an ultimatum when I found out the true extent of his drinking and he did a 2 month detox. No alcohol at all. He looked so much better. But it’s gradually crept up again and even if he has a couple of days off in the week he hammers it at weekends. Over xmas its been worse though. So I’m mentally preparing to leave in a couple of weeks as I will have somewhere to go by then. I just need to live this nightmare for 2 more weeks 😭

The day will come when the damage becomes Irreversable so carrying on will result eventually in death

My FIL a lifelong alcoholic died in Febuary, he had cancer (3 times), 2 strokes, 2 heart attacks all if I had to guess (I am a Dr) alcohol related. He was 73 he looked 103 and the last 8-12 years of his life were miserable largely due to his drinking, but his liver was fine.

The problem with the human liver is that it is incredibly resilient and can take enormous amounts of punishment - but by the time the tests are showing anything really serious, there's often no recovery. Liver function tests are not a good indicator of whether or not alcohol is damaging someone's health.

Alcohol also damages the heart, by the way. It was alcohol-induced heart disease that killed my husband.

@Georgeskitchen he has been a heavy drinker for 20 years plus. So I don’t understand how his levels aren’t high. It makes my argument weak when I say he needs to cut his drinking down for health reasons.

I was drinking around 150-170 units a week at the end of my active alcoholism. My liver function was coming back very slightly high. I’d been drinking heavily (up to 100 units a week) for about 10 years, and at the higher level mentioned for about 2 years. I personally think that my time was nearly und I would’ve started suffering from health complications very shortly if I hadn’t have stopped. I was getting aches in my side and a swollen feeling around my liver, although of course I hid that from my GP and loved ones.

I look back at photos of myself then (I’ve been sober for 2 years) and I look bloated, grey, dead behind the eyes. I thought I looked OK - I was clean and wore make up and nice clothes etc - but I looked ill and I have no doubt I would’ve become very seriously ill within a year or less.

I wish you lots of luck and best wishes, OP. Living with an alcoholic in denial is soul destroying. I will spend the rest of my life in AA and making amends to my family for what I put them through, but if I started drinking again, I wouldn’t expect their support. It just wouldn’t be fair.

X-post. My first boyfriend died in 2016 (aged 41) "Heart failure" they said -fairly sure it was the booze.

It doesn’t matter what you say or what the tests show. If he’s been drinking like that for 20 years he won’t stop. Your arguments matter less to him than his desire to drink. Just leave.

He was my boyfriend aged 13 and 20 , not aged 41.

I think he will go downhill even more when I leave. It’s the same old story that he’s a great guy, has a job, so many good traits, but his drinking is too much to live with. He’s a functioning alcoholic. So many people, family and friends bury their heads. I guess that’s easy for those who aren’t around him 24/7 though.

The coroner told me my mother’s liver was ‘fine’ but she’d died of gastroenteritis. The rest of her body couldn’t take the punishment she was giving it through her alcoholism.

I was amazed tbh, but it was obvious her cognitive/brain function was already hampered years before the end.

My dad has just died due to alcoholism, apparently the liver can show as fine right up until it fails completely which is what happened to him.

Liver test results is a red herring.

You know there’s a big problem. He denies it.

You can’t control or cure the problem.

Suggest seeking help from, for example, Al Anon.

It’s not your responsibility, OP, no matter how much of a good, caring person you are. You will never stop him from drinking. He has to want to stop himself. Some people have to lose something - marriage, kids, job etc - before they stop. Some people have to lose everything. And some people don’t and won’t stop no matter what they lose, even when it’s their life they might lose. You have no control over it, you didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it.

Look after yourself ❤️

@LighterMorning before I met him he was much worse. Sounds strange but some days he looked fine. Other days you would tell he was a drinker. I remember seeing him in the day light on a bad day and it shocked me. But then he detoxed and looked so much better. He has massively cut down. But it’s still too much. Some weeks worse than others. But over Xmas it’s been 2 weeks of drinking everyday starting early aft. I’ve realised I don’t want another year like this and I need to leave.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b00793zq/rain-in-my-heart

You may have already seen this, it's heart breaking. There is a man who dies from cirrhosis after being dry for 20 years.

You seem so focused on him and his health.
You're leaving.
Focus on YOU.

Oh and he doesn’t deny he has a problem. He will fully admit it. But I think he sees it that he’s massively cut down since meeting me and he’s trying.

As a clinician I would ask what liver tests did he have? A raised GGT level would show up high first unlike a bilirubin level which is often normal until the end stages.

As others have said leave for yourself as your life is being negatively affected whether or not his liver is

britishlivertrust.org.uk/

Thank you all. I know I need to leave. Its hard when you love someone though and I know he has tried. He needs to stop altogether though and I don’t think he will do that. I don’t want to be his carer though in 10 years time due to alcohol related illness. I’m only in my 30s. I will read those links a few of you have sent me. Thank you.

@SecretDoor I’m not sure what type of test he had.

You did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.

You may well be confusing love for him with being codependent yourself. Not saying you do not love him as such but codependency and alcoholism go hand in hand. His needs are not more important than yours.

You need a plan to leave him as soon as you are able. Being with him does not help you or for that matter he. Your own recovery from his alcoholism will only properly start when you and he are apart.

Liver tests are strange - my dm had a liver test and her ggt level was to quote her gp "off the scale" ( which was scary to hear ) and was told that it was due to her drinking. ( alcohol )
She rarely drinks. ( alcohol ) Thankfully.