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Original poster

Morning texts when you're dating someone..

115 replies

Sharpie0870 · 02/01/2022 23:11

I've NC for this.
After being single for 2 years, I took the plunge and made a profile on a dating app. Only one person really engaged me in conversation and we swapped numbers. So far, every morning for the past couple of weeks he's messaged me first thing to say "Hi Gorgeous" literally just that. Nothing else.
Why does this annoy me?
I can't explain why, but it really bothers me.
Just wondering what others views are on Hi Gorgeous texts?

OP posts:
pictish · 03/01/2022 08:46

@Weedoogie

Start your relationships the way you would like them to be; be honest and open (and kind). Don't ever allow yourself to be supressing your feelings as if they are less valid than your prospective partner's. Get into the habit of telling him how you feel and expect the same back - from the start
Great advice.
LetsStartAgain111 · 03/01/2022 08:47

@Weedoogie

Start your relationships the way you would like them to be; be honest and open (and kind). Don't ever allow yourself to be supressing your feelings as if they are less valid than your prospective partner's. Get into the habit of telling him how you feel and expect the same back - from the start
I second this.
Letitsnoooow · 03/01/2022 08:49

This is exactly why I don’t give my number out until we have met. Some men literally want to text all day long starting with the morning text when your heart sinks as you know you are going to get bombarded.

As you are going back to work, I would tell him, sorry you won’t be able to text much and certainly not first thing in the morning.

5thHelena · 03/01/2022 08:51

@7eleven

My first thought is that he’s texting several women the same message every morning. So generic.
My thoughts exactly. He's probably sending half a dozen every morning..
Roo626363 · 03/01/2022 08:51

I had this with a guy I was dating briefly ..I had met him and we’d slept together but he text me ALL the time...and he didn’t usually have anything to say it was always just ‘what you up to?’ And if I didn’t reply within an hour or so I’d get something like ‘are you ignoring me, lol’ or ‘you must be busy then’ etc. He was good looking snd the sex was great ..he didn’t act needy in person but this made me stop seeing him in the end as it drove me round the bend. Sometimes I just wanted a quiet evening or to be out with friends without being on my phone..it’s just a mismatch I guess some people have different ideas about the right amount of contact and you need to be aligned on that

ravenmum · 03/01/2022 08:59

Thought this was going to be another one of those threads about how a man didn't text often enough; that you were expecting morning texts and he didn't send you them Grin
As he might possibly be doing what he thinks you want him to do, rather than what comes naturally to him, I might suspend judgement until meeting, but I'd find it annoying too and a sign that we might not get on.

I'd probably joke about it, tease him a bit: "Have you got your phone set up to automatically send that text every morning?😂" or "After all these morning messages, what are you going to do if you don't even like me 😂" and then "not sure what the etiquette is these days, but don't feel obliged to write every day, a quick text every now and again will be fine :)"

And yes, if he takes offence, then I wouldn't have wanted to meet up with him anyway.
Next time meet up sooner!

bongobingo43 · 03/01/2022 09:00

@MuesliNameChange

Could you maybe respond with 'morning' (and nothing else)? Sends the ball right back to him so if he actually wants conversation he will have to send something better. He might recognise you're sending something pointless/unengaged to demonstrate that that's what he is doing. Or he might not.
This is exactly what I'd do.

With OLD if all I get is a "hi" all they get back is a "hi"

If take the same approach with this

RobertSmithsLipstick · 03/01/2022 09:25

I couldn't be bothered to have this inane exchange every day.

NashvilleQueen · 03/01/2022 09:26

Playing devil's advocate, there has been many a thread on MN with posters saying that they expect a good morning text from their bf/partner. He may be suffocating but equally he may be doing what ex gf's have told him they want in a relationship.

It would drive me mad especially if there's an expectation to respond. If otherwise he's worth your time perhaps just mention it casually and tell him it's not needed.

UnsuitableHat · 03/01/2022 09:30

Ick.

Original poster
Sharpie0870 · 03/01/2022 10:05

Low and behold, I told him today I'm working and I'll catch up with him in the evening... I receive a "hey gorgeous" text.. Least he's mixed it up and said hey instead of hi..
I've ignored it 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpie0870 · 03/01/2022 10:08

I think pp who said he's probably doing what he thinks women want him to do and he may have been accused of not texting enough.
"What you up to?" is equally as infuriating as "hi gorgeous"

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 03/01/2022 10:09

@WanderingLost167

But. A lot of women do like them, because they feel that the guy is thinking about them...
... and create a false sense of intimacy and a fake relationship. I was on the phone comforting my mate on Christmas Eve because a guy who does this had blocked her again. He just does it to make her dance to his tune. It's sucked her right in.
Aphrodite31 · 03/01/2022 10:20

@Lovelymonkeyninetynine

Is it that much of a big deal? There's likely to be lots of things you have to compromise on with men while dating and if it's little things like this I can't see the issue. I'd zoom out and look at the big picture with this man or anyone else you might date in the future. A lack of response or response in a different tone to the morning message will let him know you're busy or not keen on his tone. Don't lose a good one over something trivial though!
Yes I think this, too.

It's a bit like - he's got a lot of great points, but you don't like his choice of car. Should you therefore write him off all together, or is it something you can live with/maybe change?

Having said that ... he could also be attempting to groom you, in a rather crass and formulaic way 🙈

We don't know the rest of what he says. Up to you to judge if you meet. If the rest is good, worth meeting at least - then you'll know everything.

Aphrodite31 · 03/01/2022 10:20

@Summerfun54321

How a guy comes across is person is way more important than how they come across over WhatsApp. I met my DH online. We sent a couple of messages and he came across as boring as hell, in reality he’s my soulmate but happens to be dyslexic and is terrible at writing messages. You narrow down your options if you judge too much in advance of meeting.
Yes, this
Aprilx · 03/01/2022 10:54

Is he trying to be funny maybe? I’d probably reply “hi there handsome”.

Although I would find this over familiar with someone I had not yet met!

ALittleBitConfused1 · 03/01/2022 11:24

Oh god don't over think it. This is an example of us girls making a mountain out of a molehill. Poor bloke has probably been told women like morning texts. So he's just sending his equivalent of good morning.
If you really don't like it you could just not read it. Then send your normal text when ever you get round to it in the day as you normally would. I wouldn't really see this as a big deal or some kind of intrusive demand of your time.
You're under no obligation to respond to any message until you're ready to.

gravybones · 03/01/2022 11:49

It's just a turn of phrase, but yeah it wouldn't be my choice of words.

He's just being nice. Once you get to know him better you could say "don't all me that it's cheesy!" Or something

Original poster
Sharpie0870 · 03/01/2022 11:49

That's what i mean, as irritating as I find it. I don't want to be a cow about it and judge him immediately. Whether or not he's sending the same texts to other women I can't say for sure but he seems to want to talk to me all the time.

OP posts:
IamGusFring · 03/01/2022 11:54

Having a son who was using OLD he has said that it is a minefield as what some women want , another doesn't - texts , length of time before contact etc . Meet him and see how it goes.

Flyinggeese1234 · 03/01/2022 12:04

Agree with IamGusFring, if you don’t like them (and I wouldn’t either) just don’t respond, and maybe send a totally unrelated text later in the day.

See how the first date goes and don’t judge too much just yet.

gannett · 03/01/2022 12:10

@Sharpie0870

That's what i mean, as irritating as I find it. I don't want to be a cow about it and judge him immediately. Whether or not he's sending the same texts to other women I can't say for sure but he seems to want to talk to me all the time.
Probably best to sort it out directly and face-to-face.

If he's just doing it because he "thinks women like it" then when you tell him you don't like it, you'll probably both be relieved and can move on to normal communication.

If he's doing it because he's needy and wants to message inane shit when he has nothing to say... well, if you tell him directly you're not into it, it becomes his problem. He either adapts to the communication style you prefer, or it's an incompatibility and you both move on.

Original poster
Sharpie0870 · 03/01/2022 12:13

I think you're right, it is an issue to deal with face to face. I'm fairly low maintenance and happy and don't need constant texts! Sure he'll like to hear that.

OP posts:
Flyinggeese1234 · 03/01/2022 12:35

Anyway OP all the other signs seem OK so hope you have a lovely first date when it happens.

Shunter350 · 03/01/2022 12:43

I’m a guy who is seeing someone through OLD and have also conversed with ladies through WhatsApp etc.
To call someone who one barely knows “gorgeous” or similar is patronising and misogynistic.