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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Morning texts when you're dating someone..

115 replies

Sharpie0870 · 02/01/2022 23:11

I've NC for this.
After being single for 2 years, I took the plunge and made a profile on a dating app. Only one person really engaged me in conversation and we swapped numbers. So far, every morning for the past couple of weeks he's messaged me first thing to say "Hi Gorgeous" literally just that. Nothing else.
Why does this annoy me?
I can't explain why, but it really bothers me.
Just wondering what others views are on Hi Gorgeous texts?

OP posts:
Lampan · 03/01/2022 00:46

Urgh this would annoy me too. It’s like the next step up for the kind of person who just sends a ‘hi’ on a dating app.
It’s low effort and puts the onus on you to turn it into a conversation. I would also dislike the ‘gorgeous’ especially from someone I’ve never met - so many men on these apps are just thirsty to have a relationship with anyone at all - I’m massively put off by this as I’d hope that anyone who wanted a relationship with me had got to know me and decided that they were interested in me and not just any random they match with.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 03/01/2022 00:47

I would assume the message is going to multiple women hence the impersonal nature and regularity of it. Can you program your phone to auto send text messages?

I don't know a single woman in real life who likes these generic text messages.

You have nothing to lose - you can ask him what is up with these generic morning messages. Maybe don't respond to the next one at all - see what he does - then just say you don't know what to make of them and once work starts back up, you won't have time to respond.

Nelia5 · 03/01/2022 01:00

Ah the morning wank texts usually followed with what are you up to ? and I’m thinking of you
In the hope of getting some naughty response. Boring and predictable

DukeofEarlGrey · 03/01/2022 01:14

Ugh, would annoy me too and put me off meeting him tbh - though I have a fairly low tolerance level. It's a lazy text that invites a reply I couldn't be bothered to send.

Also, I absolutely wouldn't want a morning text every day from a man I haven't even met yet - is this normal now?

1forAll74 · 03/01/2022 01:33

I would hate this as well.. I read about some people on here, who seem to text people all day long, after only just meeting eachother.. Its just a habit now they all have phones, but cant truly be that necessary.

crochetmonkey74 · 03/01/2022 01:38

Meet him and see what you think. Could be an easily sorted thing once you know if you like him or not

Whatabambam · 03/01/2022 01:56

I've had these before and I bail out because it's over familiar. Definitely gives me the ick. It feels like he's either projecting his image of you as a person he's developing in his mind or he's objectifying you as a generic female rather than an individual person. Neither of which are great. I would exercise caution if I were you.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 03/01/2022 02:05

I wouldn't reply.
Then if he asked just say sorry I'm usually too busy at that time.

MMmomDD · 03/01/2022 02:05

If you like him otherwise so far - I’d wait until meeting him in person and tell him then.
If you click in real life - this little bit of irritation can be easy to fix.
Some women like these sort of messages. He doesn’t know that you don’t. You need to tell him.

arcof · 03/01/2022 02:08

Why don't you want to be a "bitch" about it? Just tell him you don't like it. If that scares him off then it wasn't meant to be

EmmasMum12 · 03/01/2022 02:16

I have and do say 'my names xxx, it's not gorgeous'

Usually I'm called a prude or uptight and I never hear from them again. 🙂

Life is about compromise but I choose the compromises I'm prepared to make!

BasicDad · 03/01/2022 03:02

@MMBaranova

I'd send back "alwight 'andsome" until he got the message.

Good one and it fits the Equal Response Rule.

Under the ERR you reply to short messages with up to, and no more than, the number of words in the message.

God this is just as bad and cringeworthy as men/players and 2:3 message rules.
pictish · 03/01/2022 03:57

"Also, I absolutely wouldn't want a morning text every day from a man I haven't even met yet - is this normal now?"

I was thinking much the same.

aurynne · 03/01/2022 04:44

"Good morning, I only use messenger for communication with actual meaningful content and only date men who use it the same way. Have a lovely day, gorgeous!"

sixpencenonethepoorer · 03/01/2022 05:38

I agree. Lazy and meaningless. It's as though he's read a generic guide on 'how to be a boyfriend'. I'm sure there's a way of setting your phone onto 'repeat this text daily at 8am' mode.

A friend of a friend gets flowers delivered every month on the anniversary of the day they met. It's been going on for years. The florist does all the work, her OH pays by direct debit and doesn't lift a finger. She thinks it's great!

I'd probably meet with him, given that all else seems good - just to see if his real life persona is different. Benefit of the doubt and all that.

MargotMoon · 03/01/2022 06:40

If you're due to meet in person on Saturday I'd just put up with it until then and see if you get on. Then if the morning texts persist, address it!

Weedoogie · 03/01/2022 06:57

Start your relationships the way you would like them to be; be honest and open (and kind). Don't ever allow yourself to be supressing your feelings as if they are less valid than your prospective partner's. Get into the habit of telling him how you feel and expect the same back - from the start

MuesliNameChange · 03/01/2022 07:01

Could you maybe respond with 'morning' (and nothing else)? Sends the ball right back to him so if he actually wants conversation he will have to send something better. He might recognise you're sending something pointless/unengaged to demonstrate that that's what he is doing. Or he might not.

Isitreallyme12777 · 03/01/2022 07:15

"Hi gorgeous" would make me cringe, "morning how are you, have you got much on would" gain a response.

JackTheHack · 03/01/2022 07:26

Send one back saying
Who's this?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/01/2022 07:41

I’d hate that too !! I had an OLD who did that before the date (less the gorgeous to be fair)

Then he pushed for a video date before the real date and then made some excuse 5 mins into the date and went awol

Anyway , I didn’t like it either

Agree a date , meet and take it from there

Eesha · 03/01/2022 08:24

I don't mind it but I think it's a bit lazy. My partner will message me later in the day usually to check in and ask how things are going and we have a chat then

gannett · 03/01/2022 08:39

I'd really hate this.

Not bothered about being called "gorgeous" but I can't stand communication with no point to it. Message me if you have something to say to me. If you have nothing to say, don't bother me!

emsmar · 03/01/2022 08:40

Send a 😂 face then say " my first bf when I was a teenager sent a text like that every morning. Whilst it's nice that you're thinking of me first thing, you really don't need to check in every morning"

emsmar · 03/01/2022 08:42

Or reply..

"Morning hunni, how's ur day going babes?"

If he replies back to that he's for the bin.