Dating question - Would anyone else find this a bit odd?

[Poppins88]

I have form for overthinking so I just want to get a bit of a sense check. I've been speaking to someone on Bumble and we've made plans to meet. However, during one of our conversations we had the following exchange and I'm a bit perplexed by it:

Him: oh by the way I should tell you, my name isn't actually Chris, it's Ricardo or you can call me Ray.
Me: that's odd, why are you called Chris then?
Him: when I joined Bumble it gave me the name Chris, I don't know why and I can't change it.
Me: Those are very different names, not sure what to make of that!
Him: just call me Ray lol

Am I being over the top to consider that a red flag? My spidey sense is tingling but I'm not sure why?! It just seems very unlikely to me that Bumble gave him a completely different name and even if it did, why wouldn't he change it? And why wait so long to tell me?! We'd been speaking for several days by this point?! Also, the shortened version of Ricardo is not Ray?!

I'm still on the fence about whether to meet him or not tbh. He mentioned several times that he feels weird not having married yet as his younger siblings are married with kids. Obviously he could be lying but I don't think he has a wife. Something is definitely up, I just don't know what. I'm not sure how to Google image search but I'll do that later. Nothing is ever straightforward is it?!

I've been dating ages, had several nice flings that have just not worked out for whatever reason, plus a lot of non-starters and some less pleasant experiences. The whole lot really, except 'the one'!

I can honestly say I've never ignored this 'hmmmmm' feeling and felt particularly delighted that I did.

Using this case as an example, ok, he may be married, a catfish, an all round Billy Bullshitter just looking for strings free sex or whatever. He may be something more sinister, or more likely he just isn't someone who is well enough aligned with you in terms of what he sees as appropriate behaviour/ treatment of others/ relationship with the truth. I think you mentioned upthread that you're quite straightforward and transparent. Not to say someone misaligned in this way is necessarily a terrible person.

However, in my experience, it doesn't lead to that easy, happy, well-fitting experience that a good relationship is, whether or not it lasts for years.

I don't wish to discourage you from meeting him if that's what you decide to do, just to let you see that this uncertainty that you can't put your finger on is valid. I would advise keeping a tight lid on your feelings though, and any desire to 'make it fit' and not allowing any immediate charm to win you over. To me he sounds a bit of an oddball getting snappy about the name thing. A candid explanation would have been so much easier all round, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.

Why don’t you keep chatting to him for a bit longer, match with other potentials and hopefully one of them will distract you for a bit so with more emotional distance you can see this one hopefully a bit more clearly?
That would be my approach.
My reasons for advising you not to meet him now are

A) he might be a con artist
B) you sound like you’ve already fallen a bit for him (no judgement I was the same) and that makes it harder to make a good judgement of his true character once you’ve met him.

I think you need to protect yourself first of all.

"you sound like you’ve already fallen a bit for him" Oh no, not at all. He came across really well apart from the snippiness re. the name and we had a good rapport but my head is nowhere near my heels atm! Partly due to the weirdness about the name and then just general cautiousness. On a good day I could develop good rapport with a cactus so I don't see that as proof he's relationship material!

@Ballstothewall

I've been dating ages, had several nice flings that have just not worked out for whatever reason, plus a lot of non-starters and some less pleasant experiences. The whole lot really, except 'the one'!

I can honestly say I've never ignored this 'hmmmmm' feeling and felt particularly delighted that I did.

Using this case as an example, ok, he may be married, a catfish, an all round Billy Bullshitter just looking for strings free sex or whatever. He may be something more sinister, or more likely he just isn't someone who is well enough aligned with you in terms of what he sees as appropriate behaviour/ treatment of others/ relationship with the truth. I think you mentioned upthread that you're quite straightforward and transparent. Not to say someone misaligned in this way is necessarily a terrible person.

However, in my experience, it doesn't lead to that easy, happy, well-fitting experience that a good relationship is, whether or not it lasts for years.

I don't wish to discourage you from meeting him if that's what you decide to do, just to let you see that this uncertainty that you can't put your finger on is valid. I would advise keeping a tight lid on your feelings though, and any desire to 'make it fit' and not allowing any immediate charm to win you over. To me he sounds a bit of an oddball getting snappy about the name thing. A candid explanation would have been so much easier all round, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.

I agree with you in that nothing good has ever come from me ignoring a red flag. But then, I have anxiety and I tend to overthink/catastrophise. I'm also forever being told by my friends that my standards are too high, so with all that it's difficult not to second guess myself occasionally. I know people who wouldn't bat an eye at this but I'm glad to hear I'm not crazy. Just need to decide whether it's worth broaching the subject one more time in person or knock it on the head now.

I’d just ask him directly for his full name and I wouldn’t meet him
If he doesn’t give you it. I’d never meet someone without googling them.

As an example, a friend was chatting online to a nice sounding guy, but as quick Google revealed he was on the sec offenders register!

^Men in general just don't need to worry about their safety the way women do.*

I have friends and relatives who teach. All of them, men and women, are very careful about their online presence. The last thing you want is a bunch of 14 year olds finding out that Sir is on Match.com. None of which excuses this person, as he could simply have said that he's a teacher and doesn't want his pupils finding him.

I'm also forever being told by my friends that my standards are too high, so with all that it's difficult not to second guess myself occasionally.

Ignore your friends. You can be as picky as you like. It means you'll probably be single for a bit longer, but that's far, far better than lowering your standards and being with the wrong person. I'd avoid friends that leave you second guessing yourself. I mean unless you're turning down someone because they've got blue eyes and you always wanted someone with brown eyes, that's a bit daft. But if it's picky to want someone who is honest and straightforward, pick away.

OP - meeting someone from a dating app is always taking some risk that they are not what they seem. That’s why people meet in real life, spend time talking and take things slowly.
The only difference here is he was upfront with something. Which is possibly minor, or not.
A date, or even a couple aren’t a huge time investment. If you like him otherwise - why not let it play out and then see.
If there is still no more clarity then - you can ask again.

But just asking the way you seem to be going at it isn’t working. It’s similar to if you just went on a OLD date and kept asking the person - ‘but what are you hiding’. Some degree of annoyance and defensiveness is understandable.

If you can’t just go with a flow a little bit - I think you should just stop and not waste your/his time.
If there is an innocent explanation - I feel bad for the guy. He should have just waited to tell you in person when you knew each other a bit better

@MMmomDD I literally asked him once...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4445930-Urrghhh-blocked-someone-online-for-sending-me-LinkedIn-request-emailed-me-at-work

Perfect example of why people shouldn’t give their real name out on old.