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Original poster

Dating question - Would anyone else find this a bit odd?

111 replies

Poppins88 · 02/01/2022 14:20

I have form for overthinking so I just want to get a bit of a sense check. I've been speaking to someone on Bumble and we've made plans to meet. However, during one of our conversations we had the following exchange and I'm a bit perplexed by it:

Him: oh by the way I should tell you, my name isn't actually Chris, it's Ricardo or you can call me Ray.
Me: that's odd, why are you called Chris then?
Him: when I joined Bumble it gave me the name Chris, I don't know why and I can't change it.
Me: Those are very different names, not sure what to make of that!
Him: just call me Ray lol

Am I being over the top to consider that a red flag? My spidey sense is tingling but I'm not sure why?! It just seems very unlikely to me that Bumble gave him a completely different name and even if it did, why wouldn't he change it? And why wait so long to tell me?! We'd been speaking for several days by this point?! Also, the shortened version of Ricardo is not Ray?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppins88 · 02/01/2022 17:42

Yes I agree with everyone that the real issue here is him lying about it being the apps fault rather than it just being that he's used a different name. I like things to be straightforward as much as possible and especially at such an early stage so may just leave it here tbh

OP posts:
Pyracanth · 02/01/2022 17:42

However one guy would not tell me his real name on our actual date, and for me that was a red flag.

todaysdilemma · 02/01/2022 17:48

It would put me right off tbh and I've never encountered a man with a fake name on the apps when i was dating. And surely anyone using it for a safety/privacy reasons would TELL you that rather than BS reasons that the app mis-named him - all the apps allow you to enter you own first name (and DOB) irrespective of what's on FB. Also... he hasn't actually met you yet either, so why is he feeling safer having just messaged you? You could still be a crazy catfish, as you're still just a stranger, so makes no sense.

I always feel with internet strangers better to be safe than sorry - esp when any kind of identity deception is involved.

I wouldn't bother meeting him, starting a date with a pretty big lie (name) already would always leave me feeling a bit uneasy. There's enough on there using their real names, so sufficient choice.

Milomonster · 02/01/2022 17:53

On my profile, I use my initials. When the guy asks, I have invariably told them my first name without thinking. HOWEVER, a guy I was chatting to manger to find me online based on my location and first name and sent me a LinkedIn request, which seriously freaked me out. I will online stalk the shit out of every man before I date but the request given I had said so little worried me.

todaysdilemma · 02/01/2022 17:53

Also - a lot of men use fake names on profiles because they've been banned previously from the apps. So they create fake emails and names to get past the ban. And - if something did happen to you on the date, it would make it very hard for the police or anyone to find him with a fake name. So so many safety issues FOR YOU associated here.

RedCandyApple · 02/01/2022 17:57

@todaysdilemma

Also - a lot of men use fake names on profiles because they've been banned previously from the apps. So they create fake emails and names to get past the ban. And - if something did happen to you on the date, it would make it very hard for the police or anyone to find him with a fake name. So so many safety issues FOR YOU associated here.
Really? I would say that must be quite rare to get banned from an app?
myothercarisaskoda · 02/01/2022 18:09

I'm currently active on Bumble. It doesn't give you a name, that's bullshit!

Original poster
Poppins88 · 02/01/2022 19:14

@todaysdilemma

Also - a lot of men use fake names on profiles because they've been banned previously from the apps. So they create fake emails and names to get past the ban. And - if something did happen to you on the date, it would make it very hard for the police or anyone to find him with a fake name. So so many safety issues FOR YOU associated here.
This is quite worrying and not something I'd considered. He's just messaged me asking if we can chat on the phone...
OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 02/01/2022 19:28

There are good reasons for using a faking name. When I tried OLD last year, the first guy I contacted knew my first name (which was stupidly part of my username) and the city I lived, and was able to look me up on Facebook. I had a bad (albeit short) experience with him and I learnt a very quick lesson about keeping personal details to a minimum until you're more sure about someone.

Men can also have a hard time on OLD with women.

He's admitted this one mistruth - I'd really be on my guard if he admits to any other lies, though...

Raychelle · 02/01/2022 19:33

In my experience the ones who have used a fake name have been married or already in a relationship. But I can see the other reasons that people have suggested so it might nit necessarily be a red flag.

If you like him OP id probably still meet him, but tell a friend and make sure its a busy place, city centre coffee shop etc.

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 20:28

Have you seen his picture? How old is he? He sounds like someone I know who tells loads of lies and once told everyone his name is Ricardo!!

coconuthead · 02/01/2022 22:25

This would massively put me off... could be previously banned, could be other reasons but wouldn't sit well with me at all and I wouldn't meet him.

bongobingo43 · 02/01/2022 22:36

@Poppins88

I'm a bit surprised at the number of people who have used a different name for OLD as that's never occurred to me to do but on thinking about it I can understand why a woman might want to protect her privacy/security in that way. I can't imagine a man having the same concerns from a safety perspective? And even if that were the case, surely he would just say that rather than blatantly lying that it was the apps fault?
My views exactly!

If he's done it for security reasons or to protect his privacy and he was genuine, surely he would just say that. Bumble giving him a name and him being unable to change it is BS

WouldBeGood · 02/01/2022 22:41

Has he told you his real, full, nane now @Poppins88?

I’d need to be able to Google someone and do a bit of research before meeting them

Original poster
Poppins88 · 02/01/2022 23:31

Well we're having a chat tomorrow evening. I'm going to let the conversation get going then just ask him directly why he lied and see what he says! Will update you all!

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 02/01/2022 23:36

It’s a dating app and, fair enough, people use pretend names for privacy but, aye, Chris to Ricardo to Ray? Then saying Bumble chose his name (lie) and he can’t change it? Nah, it’d be a Red Flag for me.

You’ve not even met yet so it’s not as if you’re emotionally invested or anything.

Roll those eyes and shout “NEXT”.

SarahDippity · 02/01/2022 23:51

Is his profile on bumble verified (blue tick)?

It is possible that if he registered using Facebook or Instagram, that it picked up his username from that, maybe his surname is Christopher?

It wouldn’t bother me if someone was using a pseudonym on the site but I’d insist on knowing their full name before arranging to meet/chat on the phone.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 03/01/2022 01:41

Come to think of it, when I was on Match, you created the user name - like "CityChick" or "DogLover" and did not give a real name. You provided it during your messaging when you wanted to - if you ever wanted to.

Typically, they would send a message and sign their first name or sometimes first and last name.

Natty13 · 03/01/2022 02:23

I think if he had safety concerns he would have said that? I don't use my full name online and when I was OLD I told them why (also didn't give my full profession or exact area til I got to know someone a bit, just in case )

RoseSays · 03/01/2022 11:37

Is he married?

northernlady2904 · 03/01/2022 11:40

My current partner did this, he told me before we swapped numbers. It was a privacy thing for him too

Flyinggeese1234 · 03/01/2022 12:54

It might just be a privacy thing but the use of ‘lol’ would send me running!

EarthSight · 03/01/2022 13:30

Apps don't give you a name.

Either the app had a glitch which meant it blended his profile with someone's else's, or he lying to you. I think it's most likely the latter than the former. A bit offputting if he thought you'd believe that. Not a good start.

todaysdilemma · 03/01/2022 13:44

@RedCandyApple not at all, even women can get banned from an app. All it takes is 2 complaints or something else to flag up and the app would rather be safe than sorry. I've seen a few guys who have been banned (because one sexually harassed my friend, she reported to Tinder, and they let her know he'd been banned). I then saw him on it again, a few weeks later with a different name, location and photos. Definitely the same guy though.

amylou8 · 03/01/2022 13:49

The name change wouldn't concern me. Why shouldn't men have similar safety concerns to women on OLD? His obvious lie about why he changed it would worry me more.