Dating question - Would anyone else find this a bit odd?

[Poppins88]

I have form for overthinking so I just want to get a bit of a sense check. I've been speaking to someone on Bumble and we've made plans to meet. However, during one of our conversations we had the following exchange and I'm a bit perplexed by it:

Him: oh by the way I should tell you, my name isn't actually Chris, it's Ricardo or you can call me Ray.
Me: that's odd, why are you called Chris then?
Him: when I joined Bumble it gave me the name Chris, I don't know why and I can't change it.
Me: Those are very different names, not sure what to make of that!
Him: just call me Ray lol

Am I being over the top to consider that a red flag? My spidey sense is tingling but I'm not sure why?! It just seems very unlikely to me that Bumble gave him a completely different name and even if it did, why wouldn't he change it? And why wait so long to tell me?! We'd been speaking for several days by this point?! Also, the shortened version of Ricardo is not Ray?!

"Why shouldn't men have similar safety concerns to women on OLD?" Men are not at anywhere near as at risk from sexual harassment, stalking, physical abuse etc as women are, there is a wealth of data on this. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen the other way round but I'm much more inclined to think its something dodgy I.e. he's married or previously been blocked for bad behaviour.

I don't think men have this going through their brains:

"Is he going to rape me? Is he going to kill me? Is he going to rape me? is he going to kill me?"

Unless I'm missing someone, dating apps never, ever give you a name. This makes no sense whatsoever. Many people use different names online, for safety reasons. Then they reveal their real name when chatting properly to a potential date. The fact that he lied and said the app gave him the name Chris is ridiculous and certainly sets the alarm bells ringing.

Possibly a red flag, however he has been upfront prior to your first meet up.... So at least you can be on guard (if required) I met a guy once through OLD who I realised after meeting up a few times there was something suspicious about his name, as he'd let slip once in error which made me suspicious and led me to find out through my own enquiries that he'd lied about his name, where he lived, his age, occupation and god knows what else. So always be on guard! Hope your meet goes well and he is one of the good ones

He's postponed our chat till tomorrow grrr!

@Poppins88, this has happened to me (guy used a fake name). Turned out it was the first of many porky pies.....I also was suspicious about the name thing, but stupidly decided to pursue it anyway. Like I said, the lies just kept on coming

I'd say I don't agree he's been upfront.

If he'd said 'my name is Ray, short for Ricardo, not Chris. I put a different name as I'm a schoolteacher and don't want the kids trolling me/ prefer to keep my details private until I speak to someone as my full name is quite unusual', then fine. My ex did the latter and he was not quite right for me long term but one of the most loyal and honest men I've ever met.

But it's claiming it was the app, making up a little lie, assuming you wouldnt know
how the app works, rather than taking responsibility or explaining himself fully. Could be totally harmless but having been on OLD a while, you learn to filter out these little micro-weirdnesses. In my experience, whenever I've let one slide, I've wished I'd not bothered as it's shown the person's values/ priorities etc haven't been aligned with mine in a way that's become more apparent in time. Similarly if he's postponed the chat (unless there's a good reason).

@Ballstothewall Yeah when you think about it, it's actually quite insulting that he clearly thinks I'm stupid enough not to know how apps work! Just odd because up until this point he's been quite respectful and transparent. I'll see what happens with our chat tonight.

@Ballstothewall BTW, microweirdness is the PERFECT word for this!

Ughh some really horrible answers on here. Like how can someone do that it's so weird.. Privacy what are we James Bond? Starting out with a lie way to go! This is a giant red flag with a siren attached. There are so many odd ppl online using fake everything! Fake name, fake age, fake blah blah It's nice he told you but can you imagine if you met and he lied about everything else? I would not proceed with this catfish! There's so many married men on these apps that can harm.

I would think it's pretty normal to use a fake name on dating sites, whether you're male or female. Whilst men are less at risk of weirdness, I think there's still enough of a risk for it to be a consideration, especially if he really does have a distinctive name like Ricardo.

But the lying about why and the subsequent flakiness around calls would put me off. Microweirdness is a good word for it - or to use the old saying, the devil's in the detail.

I've used a different name, admitted it when chatting if it's going well.
Please come back and tell us!

I don't think you can judge this as weird or not except in the concept of someone's personality. I used a false name on dating sites and then told me my real name as this person has done. I actually had very complicated reasons for doing so, but joked over them. None of this was anything to do with deceiving anyone else. I was protecting myself. I don't think anyone can make up their mind as whether this is a red flag without other information that you will get from talking to him.

Update: just got off the phone with him, we spoke for just over an hour. I have to be honest,I really liked him. HOWEVER, he got defensive/abrupt when I brought up the name issue and told me "I could choose to believe it or not" after I gently probed him once on it. Hmmmm...

Also, he said his name was Ricardo Raymond and then said, "and obviously I have a sirname" and then just trailed off. It was the only awkward moment in the conversation.

I saw a man off and on for 18 months - mostly sexting but we did meet a few times as well. He never told me his surname in all that time - eventually he sent me something from Amazon and his name was on that.

What it suggests to me is not a red flag exactly - after all, he could just lie and give you any old name - but if he's anything like my Mr Nameless, he's got Issues. Not ready for a relationship and if one starts it might be almost against his will. I would remain cautious - don't give your heart away.

I’m not worried about the fake name.
I am concerned that he said Bumble gave him the name Chris though. Seems very unlikely and lying is a red flag

Getting defensive over your perfectly reasonable request to know his real name or why he lied (given he now has your personal contact details) is a serious red flag.

If this was about security, he would have happily explained that to you. I've had guys lie about their age but explain exactly why they did it (to sneak into the age range for younger women). Being dishonest about his name, then cagey on the reasons why, then getting defensive when questioned. Yet happy to take your personal phone number.

Not being funny when I say RUN.

That defensiveness is a total turn-off.
He's hiding something, whether he thinks you are going to assault him or kill him or scam him or stalk him - or tell his wife - who knows. It's weird.

@Poppins88 Have you reverse searched his photos to see if he comes up on Google?

With a Latin sounding name I can see why he wouldn’t want to put it as a name in Bumble - just so not to be stereotyped. It is possible he is not willing to admit it.
Many of my female friends also use different names online. Some for privacy, a few Eastern Europeans - so that they aren’t stereotyped.

OP, in your place - I’d meet him in person and see how it goes.

@MMmomDD

With a Latin sounding name I can see why he wouldn’t want to put it as a name in Bumble - just so not to be stereotyped. It is possible he is not willing to admit it. Many of my female friends also use different names online. Some for privacy, a few Eastern Europeans - so that they aren’t stereotyped.

OP, in your place - I’d meet him in person and see how it goes.

Hmmm, would you really be willing to meet some strange man who's name you don't really know (Ricardo Raymond? Ray? Chris?), who won't admit WHY he lied and made up a BS excuse, and then got defensive when a potential date questioned his BS excuse?

He also isn't intelligent to come up with a better excuse - instead he's assumed all women are dumb enough to not know how a dating app works. I'm sure all the women on this thread who name change don't make up weird excuses like this. And he clearly doesn't have the empathy or emotional maturity to understand why his lying (about the name and reason why) would worry a woman. And why she might be concerned about HER safety.

So many red flags. How can he possible be considered as someone with potential.....

It does sound a bit odd.

Is he willing to video chat with you?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/feb/24/outlaw-fake-dating-app-profiles-says-woman-tricked-into-affair

This was the story I was trying to find about this dodgy guy who used a fake name to catfish women. Whatever happens OP, make sure you don't get caught in a text/phone relationship for ages and let feelings grow - if you already think you REALLY like him despite never having met him, half the work of a con artist is done (if he is one).

Your spidey senses may be feeling something that your rational mind hasn't picked up yet. Also agree with pp that said the lie in itself is a turn off. I wouldn't meet him.