More Legs chapter four - the one where life begins again. There’s a whole world out there..

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread for the new year.

Aiming for more positivity than negativity, although slagging off ExH, the OW and their Beautiful Home is still allowed…

x

Thank you x

DD3 is still sky-high about her new job. Rightly so and she can stay up there as long as she likes.

DDs1 and 2: I’m in touch with DD1 but DD2 has been very quiet. She says it’s just her own DC keeping her busy, especially with half term, so she just sits and falls asleep at nights. I’m sure that’s true. I still worry about her though.

DD4 and DS have studied hard this week so that’s good. DD4 is at work early tomorrow morning so once she’s finished and I’ve brought her home I may even wash the car! It’s absolutely filthy and generally only gets washed by the rain I’m ashamed to say.

This year I’m hoping to give my lawns some proper care. I always just cut the grass and otherwise leave it, and it shows.. once the weather is a bit more reliable I’ll get out there and see if there’s anything I can do to make it look a bit better at least.

No visit to Mr NM this weekend as it’s his contact with his son. Hopefully next week though. If I do see him I’ll try and persuade him to go walking somewhere, get some decent fresh air. We’re lucky really to live where we do. We’veI booked theatre tickets for June, and it looks like our trip to Harrogate will be back on in December as the tickets have apparently all been rolled over until then. It’s nice to have something to look forward to.

If goes without saying that I think I’ll still need you all for a good while yet - I still have times where the thoughts invade, and I think of what a fucking waste my life has been, but there’s only forward isn’t there. I can’t rerun this all and choose someone else.

Thank you.

x

Aw Legs, you and your DC are all doing so well! And it's amazing to hear you talking about plans for June and December with Mr. NM 😍

Imagine, in a parallel universe you're still with Floppy Dick, don't realise how strong you are, and have never met Mr. NM.

Shudder!!

I hardly ever post, but I still check in every night to see if you have any updates and how you're doing. I'm sure I'm not the only one x

Your children sound incredible, Legs. You’ve done an incredible job raising them.
Enjoy sweet dreams of Mr NM.

Thank you x

DD4 is having some problems with worry about the upcoming exams. She is more than capable but overthinks in a big way and starts something, then bins it and starts again, and so on and so on. I’m not sure how to help her. She is meeting with her subject tutors tomorrow to try and get a plan of action sorted. It doesn’t help that December was really a write-off study wise because she was poorly, so she missed coursework too. It’s just so hard to know what to say to her to help, without sounding patronising or stupid. Any ideas?

DS started his mock exams today. The maths was hard apparently, but he found the biology quite easy..his mocks are every day now until the end of next week.

There’s real exam angst here right now.

DD2 seems a lot happier and has been posting in our group chat too. She’s happy to have her own DC back to school and in their own routines.

Worrying about all of them for their various reasons doesn’t give me much time to whine about myself at least.

Thank you @WhitePhantom - you’re right, it’s nice that we are planning ahead. I just wish it was feasible to spend more time together but I can’t see any way around our respective commitments. It is what it is I suppose.

And yet there is ExH happily seeing Muttley all the time and sleeping with her every night. Still, I suppose that is possible when you turn your back on your own DC isn’t it. Turn your back and leave someone else the responsibility of them while you play happy families with someone else’s DC, whether they all sleep in the one spare bedroom or just turn up at your Beautiful Home for contact. Lovely.

Bastard.

x

Morning legs

Glad things are ticking along ok with the dc

I know their trials and tribulations are a distraction from your own right now but having gone through the teenage angst and exam madness you need to not try and fix everything.

Have you had any more thoughts about what sort of things you would like to do for you?

Just a thought, are there any jubilee celebrations going on on your area that you could maybe help out with, it would get you involved in the wider community and give you an outlet beyond your lovely family?

And yes exdh bastard indeed 💐

Just catching up on your thread.

A while back there was a serious explosion in our city and DS rang me immediately to check I was okay and nowhere near. A few weeks later it dawned on him that he hadn't even considered contacting his hopeless father to check he hadn't been exploded and, having now thought of him, said he wouldn't bother. Small victories.

I don’t for one second believe that he’s happy. He’s in an overcrowded house that he envisioned would be his dirty lurve nest, with surly kids who resent his very existence. (Undoubtedly wondering WTAF their mum sees in the useless old fart who doesn’t even work for a living.)

Seeing each other every day isn’t always all that great you know, they have to deal with the mundanities of daily life like whose turn it is to clean the toilet and who used the last of the milk, why can’t he cut his toenails somewhere else, why are someone’s dirty pants on the floor…
Stick with dating, where you can still look forward to seeing each other, with a little bit of mystery and romance!

@Sunbird24

Seeing each other every day isn’t always all that great you know, they have to deal with the mundanities of daily life like whose turn it is to clean the toilet and who used the last of the milk, why can’t he cut his toenails somewhere else, why are someone’s dirty pants on the floor… Stick with dating, where you can still look forward to seeing each other, with a little bit of mystery and romance!

So very true @Sunbird24 - keep that in mind Legs! You don't need to see Mr NM cutting his toenails and leaving the empty milk carton back in the fridge (although I do of course understand you wanting to see more of him).

It's vanishingly unlikely that FD and Muttley are anywhere near as happy as you're picturing...

He's not happy. He may have convinced himself that he is, but he isn't. And you know that you wouldn't trade what you have for what he has for £gazillion.

The grass may look greener on his side of the fence, but that's just because his pasture is saturated in manure.

Heard this a couple of times this last few weeks.

Grass isn’t always greener on the other side, It’s greener where you water it.
I have no doubts relationships take a lot of hard work, and he's shown time and time again he's not capable of that.

Re DD4, would DD3 be able to give her some advice? Being the closest in age to have gone through this. I do hope her course tutor can help her come up with a plan for coping.

I was wondering if you had thought about joining any local walking/rambling groups? It would mean doing something you enjoy and perhaps getting to know some new people. Also do you still do aqua aerobics? I was thinking of starting this, would you recommend it?

All you can tell them Legs is that if they've done their best, you're happy with that - it's all you you and them can ask.
And I'm sure they have!

Thank you x

My messages keep disappearing half-typed! I have no idea why but this isn’t the first time.

I’ll come back tomorrow but just an update about DD4. She contacted the GP entirely of her own volition, and he has prescribed some beta blockers for her. She’s only taken three so far but believes her heart isn’t racing so much and she’s not quite as anxious. I don’t know if there’s a wee bit of placebo effect going on, but she seems happier so I don’t care what’s going on. Something is definitely happening.

I’ll post tomorrow - I’m going to stop here so I don’t tempt fate and lose everything again.

x

Morning everyone @Shhhh glad you found these threads, I hope it can give you comfort that there are happy times ahead of you 💐

Please make sure you start another thread for yourself, if you haven’t already @Shhhh…. You’d be amazed at the Mumsnet Army’s willingness to stick with you when you need them. While you absolutely should read all of @MoreLegsThanMe‘s posts, please note that she is still going through her own battles and this is very much her post. We’ll be there to back you up as well. X

Thank you x

@Shhhh I’m so sorry you find yourself in this position. Please, if you get a chance, read my earlier threads. I was nearly demented at the start, and demented isn’t too strong a word.

This lovely lovely MN army has stood by me all the way since my very first post and as you can see they still are. I’m still touched that strangers could be so caring. You will survive this, I absolutely promise you that.

I spent the weekend with Mr NM and on Monday I had to come home, but he asked me if I’d come back and stay until today. We had a day out on Sunday, but of course yesterday he was working, but he came downstairs regularly to get away from his screens. The evenings were spent just watching films and talking about anything and everything, wine in hand. I spent the four nights tucked up in his arms. It made me realise just how little affection or intimacy ExH had shown me the last few years. I’d blamed myself for that, or his dick problems, but I’m realising he just didn’t want to be close to me.

DS only has one more mock exam to go. So far he thinks he’s done okay so fingers crossed. DD4 has also picked up quite a bit from when I last posted. She seems happier closeted away in the resource room at school studying rather than coming home and doing it here, so she’s happy to stay even when she has free periods and could come home.

I’m feeling okay too at the moment. I’m a bit concerned about how much I miss Mr NM when I’m not with him, and how when I walk through his door I feel I’m home - I hope this doesn’t mean I’m falling for him!

Nobody has heard a word from ExH in a while now apart from his pathetic cut and paste messages to the DC which are all the same. DD1 and DS both have their birthdays next month, so I wonder what might happen then..

I know I say this too much but I’m so so grateful for your support. I’ve been posting about this for so long now, but you stick with me regardless and I’ll always be thankful for my army.

x

Someone who is not is seems to think you’re very special @MoreLegsThanMe!
I’m so happy to see that you are obviously in a better place and so are the kids! X

*someone who is not US

I hope this doesn’t mean I’m falling for him!

The heart wants what the heart wants. But that doesn't mean we can't keep our heads screwed on at the same time.

Enjoy the feelings of safety and comfort, you deserve them. As far as what the future holds, that's not in our hands. So say "Today I feel this way, today. Tomorrow will have it's own meaning".

Thank you x

I’ve had a bad day today and feel pretty shitty still tonight. I’ll come back tomorrow, hopefully more myself.

Why does this still happen? It just washes over me at times still. The complete waste of basically all my life. Standing by someone like ExH when I could’ve been with someone who didn’t spend his entire existence lying and cheating.

Just feel like a fool really.

I’m really sorry.

x

Aww Legs sorry you had a rough day. Just remember it is a form of grief that you are going through so unfortunately in that respect it is still early days and you will have days like these. They are getting less though. I hope you're able to feel more positive today. Things happen beyond our control, you weren't to blame, nor are you a fool for not being able to anticipate or prevent what happened, you were just living your life with the information you had to hand.