More Legs chapter four - the one where life begins again. There’s a whole world out there..

[MoreLegsThanMe]

New thread for the new year.

Aiming for more positivity than negativity, although slagging off ExH, the OW and their Beautiful Home is still allowed…

x

It doesn’t matter how old DC get, does it. Always something to sort out!

It sure is! I have a friend whose DD is 12 years older than my eldest son. I remember when I was going through 'those teen years' saying "I can't wait til he turns 18 and I can stop worrying". She laughed like a drain and said "Oh Honey, it's just a whole new set of worries then!". Truer words were never spoken.

Call DD2. She's probably imagining 'problems' that aren't ever going to happen. And even if he did tell her 'something', what on earth could he say that she'd even be tempted to believe? She knows you and you've raised her right. Nothing he could ever say would make her think "Oh, it's ok then that Dad cheated on Mum and blew up our lives".

Oh op what a lovely mum you are.. Always thinking about what your children are thinking xx they are so lucky to have a caring mum like you😍 you are doing fine.. I think he knows he has messed up big time! (knob head) 😬 he deserves everything that's coming to him.. Call dd2 as she will not have meant to upset you xxx

Thank you so much x

@Justilou1 I do think you’re right. I have an idea of what I’d like a “perfect” relationship to be, and I maybe think that’s what they have? And it upsets me because I know that it’s too late for me to have that now, given the DC and my age…I like very much the time I spend with Mr NM and I’d like us to be together more, but our respective commitments mean we can’t do that. It feels that I struggle with all that whilst ExH and Muttley have it all sorted and are in some kind of lurve bubble. Which is what I’d really like if I’m honest.

So you’re totally right there.

Looking ahead with my sensible head I can quite imagine that I’ll never live with a man again, and never have that cuddling up at night which I think is what I really want. Of course I miss sex (I need to work on that with Mr NM) but it’s more the intimacy of being close to another person. Just to wake up and hear them breathing. It sounds so crap doesn’t it, and pathetic, but I regularly get unhappy at being all things to everyone without so much as a hug in return.

Do I make sense? I’m not very articulate.

In other news DD3 has had a -ve Covid test today, so if she has another one tomorrow I’ll go round and see her and give her a parcel that I collected for her. I’m going to contact DD2 tomorrow as she’s been so quiet.

DS brought home his GCSE exam timetable this afternoon. He has twenty-eight papers! I could hardly believe it. He revises every night and is being very mature about putting down the PlayStation controller and picking up the textbooks. I am very proud of how he’s going at.

DD4 is in the thick of it too now. She also works very very hard.

I’m not sure how I ended up with these conscientious teenagers. It’s so good to see that they’re as focused as their older sisters were, and that all “this” hasn’t affected them as much as it maybe could’ve.

Wanker is missing everything. I wonder if he ever thinks about them even. Probably not.

Thank you for listening to my nightly mad rantings.

I remember when Muttley came to the front door that awful day. One of the things she spat was that because I’d made ExH seek her out, it meant I was a “shit woman and you deserve not to be happy”. The exact words. It’s not true though, is it? I’m just looking for reassurance I suppose.

x

Of course it's not true!!! She couldn't bear to put the blame squarely where it belonged (on them) so she had to turn it around and put it on you. Classic behaviour, really. She's just such a miserable, unhappy besom. They deserve each other.

You are NOT to blame for him cheating, you were a good wife and partner. Every marriage has rocky patches. Every wife and husband has said or done something they don't mean in anger. This doesn't make us a bad spouse. It makes us human. Obviously I don't mean truly abusive behaviour, just the little things in normal marital spats.

IMHO even if a man does have, shall we say, an 'unsatisfactory' wife (whatever that means) that's STILL not an excuse for cheating. If a man is unhappy in a marriage for any reason the mature, responsible thing to do is to explain it to his wife and then leave quietly and with compassion. If he doesn't, he's a real shit. It will still hurt her, but this allows his wife to keep her dignity and avoid the addition pain of betrayal that you when through.

You hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong.

Muttley WOULD say that…. Otherwise she’d have to admit that she’s the dregs of womanity who’s with an absolute shit of a male. Can you imagine what her red flags must REALLY be shrieking?

You are a wonderful person and deserve all the happiness in the world.

Methinks she was jealous of you and lashed out to make herself feel better about what she did.

Muttley sounds completely deranged and not over blessed with brain cells. People like that tend to spout any old rubbish in an attempt to justify their bad behaviour, or as my mum used to say "they just open their mouths and let the wind play with their tongue".

Thank you x

Wrote a long message then the signal was off and once it came back the message had disappeared. I hate when that happens.

I hope everyone is okay tonight. The wind here is bad already, and it’ll be hard to sleep because it’s so noisy. My roof is making sounds Ive never heard before. And heavy snow due on Friday…

I’ll come back and post properly tomorrow. If the signal goes down again I don’t want to be in the middle of another post. Didn’t want to go without thanking you for your posts though.

x

Hope the wind wasn’t too bad last night! It got pretty stormy in my neck of the woods with worse to come tonight.
Re long messages
disappearing, it’s happened a lot to me recently and I’ve seen other posters saying iron other threads I’ve read and blaming their signal. I’ve noticed it only happens to me on Mumsnet and the only thing I can think of is that it might be something to do with adverts constantly loading/reloading and playing over and over again if it’s a video. Sometimes my screen just glitches and then the message box is empty! I then see another advert above the message box. 🙄 It’s too much of a coincidence that I’ve seen loads of posts saying “So annoying, was writing a longer message and it’s disappeared!” or similar lately. Think it’s a website problem.
Take care and make sure any pot plants that are exposed in your garden are put in a very sheltered spot later. I’ve learned the hard way about very strong winds and newly-planted pots rolling around the garden emptying themselves everywhere! 🙈 X

Thank you x

I think you all are right, that poor Muttley isn’t overburdened with brain cells. I wouldn’t normally slag anyone off but I will make an exception for her. And him of course. I’ve found recently that when I think about them it’s with a strange combination of pity and amusement. I genuinely don’t feel that terrible almost physical pain that I once did. Time really is helping. I never thought I’d get to this point and it just seems to have happened.

I wonder if he will be in touch with DD4 and DS once their exams are imminent. He of course doesn’t even know what they are studying, nor their predicted grades. He’s only asked once in nearly two years how they are doing at school, and I ignored that question. If he wants to know anything he can ask them direct.

We got off lightly in the winds. A bit of fence is gone and I don’t think my drill could cope with trying to mend it. So I need to find a handy person who can fix that and also fix up some window boxes under the upstairs windows. I’ve ordered some hanging baskets and mangers but I can put those up myself. I’m really looking forward to being able to spend hours and hours in the garden again. It’s only little but I love to make it look pretty.

Can’t remember if I mentioned Mr NM has invited me this weekend. We’re expecting heavy snow, starting around 4.00am tomorrow. I have everything crossed that I’ll be able to get the car off the estate and onto the main road. DD4 is at work for 8.00am on Saturday so I really need to do it! Mr NM had said he’ll pick me up if need be. If the car is stuck here then I might have to take him up on that.

@Thewookiemustgo thanks for that about the disappearing messages. I’m glad it’s not just me but it was really irritating last night to have banged on and on, then the message was no more.

I’ve had some herbs decide to roll out of their pots and all about the garden, but that’s about it. My birdhouses haven’t fared well though, so if anyone knows of any decent sites that stock them, please tell.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow and gif less snow than we are fearing…

x

@MoreLegsThanMe

I’ve found recently that when I think about them it’s with a strange combination of pity and amusement. I genuinely don’t feel that terrible almost physical pain that I once did. Time really is helping. I never thought I’d get to this point and it just seems to have happened.

I'm so glad you have reached this stage, OP. Just shows how far you've come since your earlier posts. You are right to pity them - they've given up so much which had been positive in their lives - for what? They HAVE to make it work between them or, at least, give the impression they are happy, or what would have been the point?

And here you are getting on with your life, planning, refreshing your home, your garden, your personal life, getting mentally stronger every day. 🌹

@MoreLegsThanMe… I thought I’d share a funny story. My Dad was a bit of an arse. Utterly disconnected, ivory tower kinda guy. One day he rang me to give me a lecture about how I was growing up and should work out what I want to do with my life, as I will be finishing school soon, should consider my academic career, etc…. Then he asked what I was laughing at. “Dad…. I’m twenty seven. Music degree doesn’t count? Performance scholarships in Europe didn’t hold enough value to stick?” (Probably would have if I was my brother…)

Thank you x

Sorry have been quiet. I spent the weekend with Mr NM. The weather was atrocious so we were stuck inside. We had a really chilled time. I slept so well and even when I woke up I was happy just to lie there. Saying this is so teenage and cringey, but he held me all night and it was so sweet. It felt like I was being loved and protected. I haven’t had that sort of thought for as long as I can remember.

I left early this morning as I had a doctor’s appointment and I imagine it’ll be two weeks now before I see him again, but I feel recharged and happy to wait.

I hope everybody came through the storms safely. I’ve lost some fence but that’s nothing. The wind here was blowing hard until about dinnertime but it’s finally eased off.

We have no great plans for the half-term week. Both DD4 and DS will be revising. Otherwise they’re happy to be homebodies. I’ll find enough to keep me occupied.

My melatonin arrived so I’m giving them a try.

Pressed post too soon - maybe the melatonin is working already.

Have you noticed I’ve gone a whole post without mentioning ExH. Things must be looking up!

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll be back to misery, so I’m enjoying tonight.

Thank you so much for coming along on this continuing journey. It still often feels like two steps forward, one back, but I’ll keep scuttling along with you all helping me.

x

You sound a LOT happier legs, which is fab, long may it continue.

We didn't fair too badly with the storms, but I have a lot of flooding issues to deal with now for work, which will keep me busy over the next few days/weeks.

Spring is in the air though and we have a bit of blossom on one of our trees, and the evenings are getting a bit lighter! All positive stuff that makes me happy!

You just sound so, IDK, 'at peace'. As if you've found your 'equilibrium'.

🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

Nice to hear you sounding a bit more centered Legs. Hope you have a relaxed half term.

Thank you x

I do honestly feel a bit better. If I think back to the “good times” I still get upset about what’s happened, but more angry that I spent so, so long being lied to, and that I was so stupid and gullible to fall for it.

DD3 found out today that she’s got the job she wanted so badly. She was convinced she hadn’t got it as she hadn’t heard anything. But she did and she’s still buzzing about it. I’m so proud and pleased.

We still have quite bad wind here. It eased off earlier but I can hear it picking up again as I type. There was another longish power cut last evening too. As @Icanflyhigh says though, the nights are getting that bit longer. Hopefully spring will be on its way soon.

I’ve got through another post with only one mention of him. This is a record for me!

I could still really use your support though. You are still keeping me going you know..

x

Congrats to DD3!!!

PS Anger is good. And anger eventually gets replaced with indifference. You'll get there.

I think it's safe to say the support will always be here morelegs, as long as you need it.
Congrats to DD3, that's fab news.

My DD1 passed her driving theory test today with flying colours and although the thought of her actually taking a real life car on the road fills me with dread, a big part of me can't wait for her to have that independence. She has a fab little car waiting - a gift from my mum to her (last ever gift as my darling mum is on end of life care) and all DD wants now is to pass her driving test and take her grandma to the garden centre for a cup of tea and slice of cake to say thank you.
It's very bitter-sweet and even typing it out makes me well up with tears, but I also have to stop and appreciate that I'm lucky to have this time to make the days count with my mum.
Spring is well and truly springing here, I have daffodils and crocuses sticking their heads up and it's lovely. I despise the winter months where it doesn't really get light, and I can't wait to be able to spend some proper time in the garden and get things looking nice.
You're doing so well morelegs, you're so much stronger and more resilient than you ever gave yourself credit for x

Congrats to DD3 and to @Icanflyhigh’s DD1!!! Isn’t it amazing how your kids’s achievements vibrate through every cell?!?! I’m so sorry about your mum, @icanflyhigh… She would be so proud of your DD, too.
I have been having a rough time with my DD1 who is 17 and angry with me because she has recently been diagnosed as having ASD. She is a very high-achiever academically, but not so much socially. I am worried about her making the same mistakes over and over again, and she is taking it out on me because I am her safe person. She is in her last year of high school and stressed as well. I’m going to contact her counsellor next week. (She’s amazing). The other two are plodding along nicely for now, but need constant (entirely normal for 15 year olds) pushing.

Morning legs. I hope your wind subsides soon. I think you’re due another couple of days of it. According to our local rag who must really be struggling for content as we’re no where near you and the weather here is fine, thank god as I have a huge pallet of compost to shift this afternoon.

What are your plans for the garden this year. I’m trying to create and plan a cutting patch.

Congratulations to dd on her job.

How are your 2 elder dds you were going to try and get in touch with them.

Oh dear @Billybagpuss I thought you were getting a bit personal when you told Legs that you hoped that her wind subsides soon Then I realised I am just infantile! In my defence, I have a few health issues and the side effects of the drugs I have been prescribed are making me a bit obsessed with the state of my digestive system!

@Confusedmeanderings

Oh dear *@Billybagpuss* I thought you were getting a bit personal when you told Legs that you hoped that her wind subsides soon Then I realised I am just infantile! In my defence, I have a few health issues and the side effects of the drugs I have been prescribed are making me a bit obsessed with the state of my digestive system!

Hahaha 🤣