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Original poster

More Legs chapter four - the one where life begins again. There’s a whole world out there..

451 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 02/01/2022 00:28

New thread for the new year.

Aiming for more positivity than negativity, although slagging off ExH, the OW and their Beautiful Home is still allowed…

x

OP posts:
sparkleystuff · 18/06/2022 01:14

It's been over a week since you posted legs. You have many followers. Hope all ok x

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 19/06/2022 22:48

Thank you x

I’m so sorry I’ve been quiet. I think exams have just taken over completely and I’ve been busy keeping DS and DD4 taxied to school and back, listening to gripes, generally being maid and counsellor and chauffeur.

Mr NM and I have decided to just be friends. I really don’t mind this at all. I’m grateful to him for being there at a time when I really needed someone and we’ll still do things together. Im talking to a friend of a friend at the moment. He seems nice enough so we might meet up, we might not. I’m surprising myself with how cool I am about all this.

It’s ex-FIL’s 85th birthday at the end of the month. DD3 contacted DD4 and DS to ask if they wanted to go to a surprise birthday meal. Their uncle and aunt and cousins will be there too. The only snag is that ExH will be attending too. I thought I might have been sent an invitation but haven’t been. I’m sure that’s because they all know there’s no way on this Earth I’d go anywhere he was.

Both DD4 and DS have refused point blank to go. They haven’t seen him in over two years now. They are both quite adamant.

DD4 in particular is very anxious he’s not told about where she’s going to university, how her exams went, basically anything about her life. Im going to ask DD3 that if he tries to get any information out of her that she tell him he needs to ask them direct. I think that’s fair. Isn’t it??

Sorry again for being so quiet. We’re down to two exams left for each of them, so at the end of this week there will be a celebration!

x

OP posts:
Grumpusaurus · 19/06/2022 23:11

I recall your first post when under a different guise and am so pleased to see you are doing so much better than in the early days. Mr NM was sort of like a training bra and really good for you to get back into resetting what a relationship should be like.

sparkleystuff · 19/06/2022 23:42

I'm so glad you're okay. I was getting concerned.

Billybagpuss · 20/06/2022 07:57

Morning legs, glad you’re doing ok, you’re sounding quite strong at the moment.

I think even if you were invited it would be wrong for you to be at a meal for predominately his side of the family, I know you were together for such a long time that they are your family too but when you actually see him again, and there will be events where it is unavoidable, you will hopefully be in a position where he is so irrelevant to you it doesn’t matter, but in a more neutral environment. In a way it actually would do you good to see the reality of him now, on your bad days you’ve built him up to be so wonderfully happy, blissfully in love, whereas you can guarantee that would be the persona he would try to convey to you, but the closeness and ease of the relationship between you and your children will really be what marks that occasion.

Also I think it would be ok to ask your older DDs how the meal was and how was their dad, you’ve been so noble in not asking them things but then your imagination runs away with you, but they’re not going to tell you anything they don’t want to but it might help you in normalising his existence in your head. Not all that glitters is gold etc.

I think it’s the right decision re nm and friends are always good. But get you already having a nnm on the horizon, who’s have thought that 2 years ago?

AcrossthePond55 · 20/06/2022 12:06

"DD4 in particular is very anxious he’s not told about where she’s going to university, how her exams went, basically anything about her life. Im going to ask DD3 that if he tries to get any information out of her that she tell him he needs to ask them direct. I think that’s fair. Isn’t it??"

If DD4 wants nothing to do with her dad then DD3 shouldn't say anything that might seem to encourage him to contact her. She should say the truth, which is that her sister prefers her life is not discussed with him.

Billybagpuss · 20/06/2022 13:19

AcrossthePond55 · 20/06/2022 12:06

"DD4 in particular is very anxious he’s not told about where she’s going to university, how her exams went, basically anything about her life. Im going to ask DD3 that if he tries to get any information out of her that she tell him he needs to ask them direct. I think that’s fair. Isn’t it??"

If DD4 wants nothing to do with her dad then DD3 shouldn't say anything that might seem to encourage him to contact her. She should say the truth, which is that her sister prefers her life is not discussed with him.

The best way around this is ‘it’s not my news to say’

I’m assuming she’s made her sisters aware of her wishes?

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 21/06/2022 01:52

Thank you x

I think to say DD4 doesn’t want to discuss her life is great. As is DD3 saying it’s not her news to share..

I hadn’t thought of it as inappropriate I attend if asked but yes, this is predominantly ExH’s family and I’m no longer part of that. There would be absolutely no way I’d be there anyway!

DD4 has told her older sisters to tell him nothing at all. She’s pointed out that she hasn’t seen her father for over two years so why would she want to see him at a big family gathering?

DS hasn’t said anything other than he won’t go to the party.

I just hate that this is happening and I am concerned about DS and DD4 and how they are feeling, whereas he just sits back in his Beautiful Home and does fuck all. Had this happened a couple of years ago I’d have been desperately upset about it, but that shows me how far I’ve come. Other than being worried for the DC I really couldn’t care less.

Mr NNM and I have arranged to go out this coming Saturday night. You’re so right @Billybagpuss I could never have imagined this two years ago. I might end up with another good friend, or it may go nowhere, or it might turn into something. Who knows? I’m just going to enjoy the evening and not overthink it .

x

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 21/06/2022 05:01

how Often have your older daughters seen him? I actually think the evening will be truly awkward. They’ll be nice for Granddad’s sake but I can’t imagine the conversation with their dad will be easy.

also just remember what makes a beautiful home is love and I think you have a far more beautiful home than they do.

nothing Like a beautiful midsummer evening for a new date. Wishing you all the best for Saturday

AcrossthePond55 · 21/06/2022 13:28

"also just remember what makes a beautiful home is love and I think you have a far more beautiful home than they do."

Amen to that, @Billybagpuss !

@MoreLegsThanMe A 3 room shack can be a more beautiful home than a 30 room mansion because of the people who live in it.

Iwanttogo · 30/06/2022 19:58

Hope your ok

florenceandthemac · 02/07/2022 06:45

How are you Legs?

florenceandthemac · 04/07/2022 22:27

Really hope you're ok

Mumek · 04/07/2022 23:56

Also hoping you and the family are OK.xx

florenceandthemac · 08/07/2022 07:04

Really hoping you're ok Legs

Tutchytutchyfeelyfeely · 09/07/2022 04:43

I am also hoping you and your family are ok legs 💐

Fraaahnces · 09/07/2022 05:01

Hi Legs! I fell off the board before your birthday. I can’t tell you how much stronger and more centered you seem. I’m so proud of you!!! Agree that your DD’s news is here to tell or not. He would undoubtedly try and take credit anyway - as in where he compared Mutley’s kids to yours. (And by yours, I am very clear that it’s singular.)

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 10/07/2022 21:57

I’m back….

Thank you all so much for thinking about me.

Things are better - I’ll update properly tomorrow but just wanted to say I’m here again.

x

OP posts:
goody2shooz · 10/07/2022 22:52

Phew - we were getting worried! Sleep well 💐

florenceandthemac · 11/07/2022 10:34

Glad you're back x

Iwanttogo · 14/07/2022 03:13

You doing OK Legs?

Justforthis7262 · 14/07/2022 20:43

Hope to hear from you soon @MoreLegsThanMe

I used to be on mumsnet years ago and the details of your story sound so familiar… you didn’t used to be ‘boilerwoman’ did you?

sparkleystuff · 21/07/2022 15:33

Let us know if you are ok x

Tutchytutchyfeelyfeely · 21/07/2022 18:37

I also hope you and your family are ok ❤️💐

Zofloraqueen27 · 21/07/2022 22:18

Thinking about you Legs. We are just a bit worried about you and hope you are doing ok. All the exams are over now - hope you are finding some “me” time at last. We do care about you. x