No friends?

[LCSFM]

I am a woman 28 yrs old and basically I have no friends. I have an acquaintance, someone I meet up with a couple of times a year just for the sake of having company but we have nothing in common and it always feels forced, they themselves have other friend groups and don't rely on me for company.

In school I was shy and quiet and bullied/picked on quite a bit. Sometimes I tagged onto tables at with lunch and sat with a couple of people but I had no friends. I've been to college and had a few jobs but still no real friends.

Social media can be upsetting seeing people post pictures/statuses with friends etc and highlights the loneliness but I feel I can't delete it because then I would have hardly any interaction.

It's not just the not going out and socialising, it's quite isolating not having anyone to text or have a chat on the phone with. The only person I speak to on the phone is my mum. I was close with my sister but she's now moved abroad.

I just don't understand why I haven't been able to make and keep friends. When I meet new people i.e. college or work I always try striking up conversations and make myself open to getting to know people. I think i'd be a pretty good friend, in the past I've always went above and beyond for people to try and build friendships, helping them out/listening to them and being supportive etc but people end up using me when they're bored and eventually I'm forgotten about when they're busy with their real friends.

A few years ago I tried to make friends with a work colleague, we were similar in age etc but it quickly became clear we were on different wavelengths and it was just being forced. I don't want to feel like I have to force myself to try and get on with someone when it's just not there. I want a true equal friendship, someone who wants to be my friend and I actually have some importance in their life.

I've tried googling things like how to make friends etc and it always says join a club for a hobby that you like etc but I don't really have any hobbies. I don't like sports or arts or anything, there are plenty of people who have friends without feeling like they need to be forced into an activity just to try and form some connection. That being said I did join my local book club as I like reading but everyone else in the group were women aged 60+ and as I'm in my late twenties I just felt out of place.

I feel like no one understands how lonely this can be sometimes. Surely there must be other people like me..

People always suggest meetup.com
It's worth a try

Or the Bumble app. Yes, it's known as a dating app but it's also a friend app

Oh OP, I am exactly like you. I'm 26 and could've written your post, I'm exactly the same in that I've never been able to make or keep friendships and my mum is the only person I talk to! I'd say I get on with most people, but no one enough to actually go out and do stuff with or message or text when I'd like company. I'm so sorry I can't give you any advice, I would love to know the answer too. I also find New Year can be especially hard as there's lots of talk of going out and being with friends/lovers etc, going to events and stuff, and so much pressure to make new changes and make the new year your best. I know I'm definitely finding it much harder tonight.

Please feel free to message me OP, if you want. Happy New Year .

Me too. Where do you live?

Don’t ‘go above and beyond,’, ‘helping out listening and being supportive’ to people who are presumably only at the acquaintance stage — you’re not a service animal, and, as your own experience reflects, it doesn’t make people want to be around you. Be interesting. Be interested in your own life. Do things that interest you. If nothing interests you, ask yourself why that might be — would you want a friend who had no interests at all? And listen to your own instincts about not forcing things — friendships don’t emerge just because you work together or are the same age. What attracts you to someone new?

What do you like? Hobbies are doing things, interests are investigating things. You need to find people you share an interest with. I was always interested in politics, one of my mates is a political journalist. You need to try things to find your passion. I belong to a group of women who decorate the local church, we have gone off to flower arranging lectures together and had many a coffee and chat. I have also done voluntary work, nothing like fostering friendships where the passion is a cause.

You have made one error , so many women think being nice and helping is the key, It isn’t as you will attract users.

You must be interested in something, low or high brow it doesn’t matter. There must be book clubs that have a younger demographic. I have friends much younger and older than me it’s the common interests that make a friendship.

@CatRamsey thank-you! It definitely is harder at New Year!

@Tisaxon that seems a bit harsh. I do find myself interesting and I do things that interest me?

Try the Peanut app - have heard good thinks for making friendships. Sorry your feeling so shitty.

@CharSiu unfortunately no book groups for a younger demographic in my area

@Gettingthereslowly2020 thank-you, i've already tried meet-up but there's been a few shady folks on there...

I'm the same OP. I'm 26. Feel free to drop me a message:) x

What do you like doing in your spare time?
Would you consider voluntary work? There are clubs for absolutely everything and anything! What do you like to do or wish you could do?

If you like reading what about writing. Anyone can do it. Workshops are online and connections can happen gradually.

@Tisaxon

Don’t ‘go above and beyond,’, ‘helping out listening and being supportive’ to people who are presumably only at the acquaintance stage — you’re not a service animal, and, as your own experience reflects, it doesn’t make people want to be around you. Be interesting. Be interested in your own life. Do things that interest you. If nothing interests you, ask yourself why that might be — would you want a friend who had no interests at all? And listen to your own instincts about not forcing things — friendships don’t emerge just because you work together or are the same age. What attracts you to someone new?

What's with all the crossing out? Just say what you mean. I think there's a really unpleasant tone to this response when someone is just reaching out for a bit of advice ..

You have made one error , so many women think being nice and helping is the key, It isn’t as you will attract users.

I felt this, this is definitely me. I’m akk lol wats listening to other’s problems and going out of my for others, then realise no one listens to my problems nor makes the same effort with me.

I know how you feel OP. I and others here (I’m sure) are here if you want to chat.

Maybe we all need to start a club 😊

I’m always listening*

I think meeting a friend is much like meeting a partner.
You just click with someone and you're mates.
Or not, in my case.
I'm friendless too.
Circumstances have left me out of step with having mum friends or older, more my age friends.

I feel the same OP - you’re not alone xxx

What crossing out are you referring to, @5thHelena?

There’s nothing unpleasant about my post, which makes the same point as @CharSiu. The OP has said she has tried in the past to make friends by being supportive and ‘going above and beyond’. This doesn’t work (as her own experience suggests) and positions the person doing it as a service provider. I am suggesting alternatives, again along the same lines as other posters.

@Tisaxon

What crossing out are you referring to, *@5thHelena*?

There’s nothing unpleasant about my post, which makes the same point as @CharSiu. The OP has said she has tried in the past to make friends by being supportive and ‘going above and beyond’. This doesn’t work (as her own experience suggests) and positions the person doing it as a service provider. I am suggesting alternatives, again along the same lines as other posters.

The middle 6 lines are crossed out 🤷‍♀️

The middle 6 lines are crossed out

Not on my mobile app.
No crossing out at all. Just this ‘-‘ 🤷🏻‍♀️

Problem with your app,, then @5thHelena. I didn’t cross out anything.

I'm 30, single & could of wrote this post myself
Happy to connect 😊

I am exactly the same OP. If you’re in Scotland feel free to get in touch. We are the same age.

I am exactly the same OP. If you’re in Scotland (or anyone else on the thread) feel free to get in touch. We are the same age.