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Original poster

Follow on from the secrecy thread. Need a hand hold

77 replies

scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 11:57

I haven’t posted for a few days.

Basically new boyfriend was keeping me a secret from his ex as he thought she would go insane.

We had words again about it and he finally told her last night. She called him immediately. He said she took it better than he thought she would. Then she text him saying she wasn’t happy. Then proceeded to go through my Facebook looking for something she could use against me. I have gender Cristal views and she saw something I posted ages ago, send it to him and said that she doesn’t want me around her son for this reason and hinted at social services if I was.

He’s essentially ended the relationship on her say so as he is scared that she will stop him seeing their son.

I’m not sure what I am looking for here. Just need to get it out as no one to talk to in real life about it. Im hurt, but also do smacked that he could just bin me and the relationship off like this.

OP posts:
babasaclover · 27/12/2021 12:05

What are gender Cristal views?

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 12:06

Sorry gender critical. What I posted wasn’t offensive.

OP posts:
Cookerhood · 27/12/2021 12:07

Critical, I imagine (auto correct?)

FictionalCharacter · 27/12/2021 12:07

It’s understandable that you’re hurt. But you had a lucky escape if he’s still following orders from his batshit ex.

Calamitydrayne · 27/12/2021 12:10

We can all have gender critical views but we don't need to spout them off on social media. Bit pathetic of him to be controlled by his ex but learn from this that some views are better kept to yourself in this century.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 12:11

I have tried to look at it like that. Doesn’t make it easier. I actually just can’t believe I was that disposable. I feel like a fucking right mug.

OP posts:
alwayswrighty · 27/12/2021 12:14

Not your fault he can't stand up to his ex. Sounds like you're best off out of it!

FlibbertyGibbitt · 27/12/2021 12:18

If it wasn’t that it would have been something else , you’re well out of it . Next !

timeisnotaline · 27/12/2021 12:19

I’m pretty sure you’re better off! Re a pp that gender critical views are best kept to yourself, strongly disagree. I’d think it brave of you to have said something and admire you.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 12:22

Thank you all. I don’t post a lot about it. She went way back in my profile to find that. I don’t think he ever would have stood up to her. She swanned into his house when she felt like it, she wants him to take her and her son on holiday next year etc. All stuff he would have carried on doing as he’s terrified of her.

OP posts:
LIZS · 27/12/2021 12:25

If it wasn't that it would be something else. Has he had any gf since their split? You had a lucky escape.

Calamitydrayne · 27/12/2021 12:25

@timeisnotaline

I’m pretty sure you’re better off! Re a pp that gender critical views are best kept to yourself, strongly disagree. I’d think it brave of you to have said something and admire you.
Even though you have no idea what those views may have been. Just because the OP didn't find it offensive doesn't mean other people won't. We don't live in the dark ages anymore thankfully.
IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2021 12:26

You are better off out of it.
It was always going to end this way

Flowers
Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 12:26

@LIZS

If it wasn't that it would be something else. Has he had any gf since their split? You had a lucky escape.
No, not at all. He has their son most of the time, he doesn’t really go out as she never has him on the weekends.
OP posts:
Skeumorph · 27/12/2021 14:29

Lucky escape.

What neither him nor his batshit puppet master seem to realise was that this was the test… he failed it, she with her one little bitter brain cell was never even in the running to take part!

He’s very likely to come crawling back when she calms down. Make sure you tell him no, he’s lost this chance to have a normal life again and now his choices are to carry on with his utterly dysfunctional status quo or look for another rela tip shop. Hopefully he’s learned from this.

You can now go and find someone bloody normal and free of idiotic exes and - I would advise - someone without children.

Dozer · 27/12/2021 14:32

It was a mistake to date him when he was / is still so enmeshed with his ex.

Skeumorph · 27/12/2021 14:32

Relationship not relate tip shop - although they do sound like the tip shop would fit with their mentality!

Don’t go near this loser again op. Honestly this is the best outcome. What would be FAR worse would be if she were cunning and clever enough to realise that she could box clever and keep him on the leash by ‘cultivating’ you and trying to get you running round keeping her happy too. That’s what’s friend of mine had and honestly it was the biggest headfuck ever!

ProudThrilledHappy · 27/12/2021 14:36

This would have happened eventually op if he is so under her thumb. Better it ended now than after you got 2 or 3 years down the line and thought you had a future with him

WatieKatie · 27/12/2021 14:40

As brutally painful as it is, you finally have an answer. He’s told his ex, she’s reacted as he thought and the consequence is that you’re now no longer together.

From the sound of it you couldn’t live in her shadow and the cost of being with him is that you always will be.

Stay strong. It will get better over time, however dreadful it feels now. Try not to get sucked in when he comes crawling back.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 14:52

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

As silly as it sounds, I haven’t slept a wink all night and I can’t eat. I’m 40 fgs.

I actually thought we did have a future. He did too. I just can’t understand how he could so easily bin that off. He told me just yesterday I was the love of his life. Now on top of ending it, he’s just completely ignoring me. I’m not messaging him all the time, he’s just not even bothering to reply to my last message.

I don’t get how this could happen. I know that if we had carried on she would have deliberately made our relationship difficult. Trying to focus on that’s right now to convince myself that this was for the best really.

He will forever be single if she has her way, that’s very sad. I do hope that he doesn’t treat another woman the way he has treated me though.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 27/12/2021 14:53

Expressing views on gender is not a criminal offence. It does not make anyone a child abuser. Please adjust your Facebook settings so strangers can't see your posts. You are well rid of this creep IMO he is too much under the thumb of his ex.
Move on xxx

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 27/12/2021 14:55

All I actually said was, popping on a pair of tights does not make a man a woman. She screenshotted it and sent it to him which then showed me.

OP posts:
Waftypants · 27/12/2021 14:58

Lucky escape.

Marineboy67 · 27/12/2021 15:29

Shame but I suspect it would always have gone this hence his secrecy. Problem is two fold, she has a hold over him with the child and he has no backbone.
New year and a new you.

AppleJane · 27/12/2021 21:49

We don't live in the dark ages anymore

Except some people want us to return to them with all this cancel culture nonsense.

I find your views offensive but I'd happily fight for you to have the right to express them. Throw away your own rights if you want to but some of us want to keep ours.

OP you've had a narrow escape Thanks