DP getting worse and worse

[Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy]

Hi so I have a DP we've been on and off for years now, we have 1 DC together and I have a DC from a previous relationship.

DP suffers bad mental health, he mostly feels low/sad, he gets angry over small things and then starts shouting and belittling and in the past has called me names on a regular basis and I have no doubt it will happen again, the only reason we were on and off is because any argument he would pack his stuff and go.
Anyway back to my main point, he's getting worse, he is speaking delusionally, he's a conspiracy theorist (nothing overly wrong with that) but he now believes certain people are AI (Artifical intelligence) who are in his life to suck all his energy, he believes his parents are AI and he has even suggested I might be one too because I don't understand him, I don't listen to him (I do but he doesn't see it apparently), to him every person on this planet who are negative are AI (something I imagine he's watched on bitchute website), he's incredibly paranoid that if he gets therapy they will use his medical records against him at a later date (I've told him they don't and that they aren't allowed to do that, he says I'm too trusting of them (them being the mental health professionals and the doctors/nurses in all medical professions)
He believes he's got truama from his upbringing but refuses to talk to his parents about it (or a therapist) he refuses medication as well.
He was suicidal last night and wouldn't allow me to call an ambulance or the police to do a welfare check saying if I did he would hate me forever and because our DC is with him and his parents for a few days SS would of been contacted which he said would then ruin his life even more and he'd actually do what he was saying he wanted to do.
Eventually he calmed down enough to go to sleep but kept saying he was leaving in the morning (running away) I've explained that running away doesn't solve anything etc and that he really needs to get help but he point blank refuses and as tempting as it is to send the therapy forms off in his name behind his back I know I can't do that. His parents don't really seem to care, or maybe they do but since he won't get help they've given up trying I don't know 😕

He's acting really unstable at the moment, he does have a weed and alcohol problem, in which he smokes weed and drinks alcohol every evening and it is becoming an issue (more so the alcohol)

He himself is becoming more and more delusioned/paranoid and depressed and anxious as the days go by, he flits from wanting to be a dad to wanting his old life back and speaks at times like he almost regrets our child together, because we can't do things because we have kids. The funny thing is, he does whatever he wants anyway and I'm the one looking after the kids. Our relationship is grossly unequal in every single way, but that's a whole other thread.

My question is how the frick do I get him to accept the help he desperately needs when he's so paranoid and delusional about the very people trained to help?

I'm in the throws of compassion fatigue if I'm honest.

Our DC is home now and DP has concluded that he needs to go live in his car for 'as long as it takes' to get back to normal, he has no food, so he will starve himself, he has no water, the only power he has is what the car can give, and no heat. I don't know why he's doing this, but I can't stop him or speak sense to him. Oh and he's coming down with the chest infection that our DC had.

You didn't cause it, you can't cure it - the best thing you can do is call the police for a welfare check when he's in his car and no more. Please don't let him be with your children whilst he's unwell that could be very traumatic for them.

He is deeply unwell and urgently needs to be sectioned and given help. Please don’t leave your kid with him ever again. Call the police. For his sake.

Now your child is home, I would call the police and ask them to do a welfare check of him in his car.

You can’t make him see sense. He is mentally ill. This is not something a rational person would do. Call the police and get him help.

It’s a terrible situation but your partner is seriously mentally ill. You cannot cure him, you’re not even the right person to help him just because he needs professional help. You have done all you can for him and your job is to keep your children safe.
Call the police ( use 101 ) give them his car’s number or a description if you don’t know the reg. Give his full name and DOB, they will find the car reg from that. They can then intervene when they find him sleeping in his car.
You really need to keep the children away from him and it might be you’ll have to go down the route of supervised access.
Please accept you have done all you can for now and concentrate on keeping you and your kids safe. This is not having a positive effect on them.

@Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy

Our DC is home now and DP has concluded that he needs to go live in his car for 'as long as it takes' to get back to normal, he has no food, so he will starve himself, he has no water, the only power he has is what the car can give, and no heat. I don't know why he's doing this, but I can't stop him or speak sense to him. Oh and he's coming down with the chest infection that our DC had.

@Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy great that DC is back - Has he left? It’s clear his mental health is deteriorating and you need to move fwd with worst case scenario in mind to ensure your children and your safety.

Take the focus off analysing his behaviour and plant it squarely on making sure DC isn’t in his company again unless it’s supervised by an official agency. DC is relying on you to make good decisions here.

PS even though he is clearly mentally unwell, I also suspect some of this behaviour is attention seeking and engineered to get your attention and focus. He’s a grown man with parents who are looking after him and are better placed to take on a caring role. You need to take a MASSIVE step back here.

Let him go.

Once he's gone, then call the police with details of his drug and alcohol use, delusions and what he's saying he is doing.

And whatever you do, DO NOT let them bring him back to you or agree to let things lie.

The most likely outcomes are a) he's lying to manipulate/scare you and he'll be snug at his parents' house b) they'll pick him up drunk/stoned in charge of a vehicle or c) they'll pick him up and see that he is clearly mentally unwell. In all cases, he won't freeze or starve to death - and if you tell them about his delusions/possible psychosis, he'll be assessed.

Plus, getting it on record means you'll have very real evidence of his unsuitability to have your DC/the risk he could pose to them. And you'll know that record is there if you decide (which I strongly advise) to refuse further contact with any of them at present. After all, his parents aren't safeguarding the DC if they can't accept their son is exhibiting symptoms of a serious mental illness.

As others have said. You need to stop worrying about him (hard, I know) and completely focus on you, your stability and that of your children. He is a mentally I’ll adult that is making his own decisions. He doesn’t want help. You can only go so far. Call for a welfare check but step away. In the new year go and get therapy for yourself, learn to drive, become independent from him and flourish.

I think you should seriously be fearing for your lives at this point.
He's completely unstable and a threat to the safety of your family.
He needs to go and you need to protect your children.
I know you love him but honestly your kids come first.

Our DC is home now and DP has concluded that he needs to go live in his car for 'as long as it takes' to get back to normal, he has no food, so he will starve himself, he has no water, the only power he has is what the car can give, and no heat. I don't know why he's doing this, but I can't stop him or speak sense to him. Oh and he's coming down with the chest infection that our DC had

This is pure manipulative attention seeking. This man is literally playing you like a fiddle and you're lapping it up. There is no mention of your child's welfare at all, only him mmjy

.... Only him and his latest antic.

You really need to forget about trying to fix this relationship and figure out what you're going to do to keep you and your child safe.

You was right it was a lie, he wasn't sleeping in the car he went to his mates instead.

So now you've seen for yourself what a manipulative arse he is, don't you think it's time to make that decision to get him out of yours and your child's life for good?

He sounds like he needs sectioning.

I'd call the police and SS because you need it on record he is dangerous to himself and therefore the kids.

Stop focusing on him, take care of yourself and your DC

He needs to be sectioned for his own safety, he sounds extremely delusional, paranoid and quite frankly dangerous, not only to himself but others too.

When he threatens suicide again, call for a welfare check, in fact is it possible to get in touch with your local MH team and ask their opinion?

This cannot continue, it is hurting you and your DC.

It's a catch 22 because I firmly believe that if your going to commit suicide you won't tell a soul (like my eldest child's dad) and if your shouting it from the rooftops your not going to do it but there's a niggling doubt that he may well do it.

This is actually a myth. Most people do mention it, even men. It must always be taken seriously.

Just call the emergency services now OP- tell them all about his suicide threats and psychosis. Don't tell him they're coming. It's unlikely he'll act sufficiently irrationally when they come for them to do much, but worth a go. Then if he goes on about suicide again or does some gestur or says something psychotic like about the AIs or people being out to get him or whatever, call them again.

If he runs off, if he has his phone on him the police can trace him.

I have a severe mental health disability, so I do know what I'm talking about. It's a medical emergency.

Agree with others that he needs to be sectioned for his own safety and others. He sounds like he has the potential to be seriously dangerous, especially if he genuinely doesn't believe that some people are real. Right now you need to treat him as a plausible threat to your life and the life of your children. Under no circumstances should any of you be around him until he has at the very least received treatment (psychiatrist prescribed pharmacological treatment, not just talking therapy). He will need ongoing multidisciplinary care. Social services need to be involved immediately and for as long as he has any contact with your children. If you truly want to put your children first then get the ball rolling on all of these things today.

Can you contact his local crisis team? He is clearly very mentally unwell and has lost touch with reality

Your kids have to come first.

I was raised by parents with mental health issues (depression, paranoia, anxiety) who were constantly angry, who routinely lied and manipulated and were verbally and physically abusive. My mother almost never the house and had no friends. They never accepted that they had issues or sought help. This gave me lifelong trauma. Don't make that mistake and let your kids grow up in that environment.

He is the only one who can ask for help but he needs to accept that he has issues first.

Also, he is not in a state to be alone with your kids. Seek legal advice on this if you have too and keep them safe.

He believes you're an AI plant working against him. This means he is a threat to you and you are potentially in danger. This extends to your children.

He must not have unsupervised access to them. Let him take you to court - he likely won't do so and if he does, you can calmly present to the powers that be evidence of his paranoia and instability so they can see why it's not safe for him to see the children.

Your primary focus needs to be on safeguarding the children rather than encouraging him to get help. You need to report that he is suicidal, paranoid and accusing you of being an AI plant so that a mental health team can assess him. He needs to be sectioned so that he can be kept safe from himself and others can be kept safe from him. He is extremely unwell and has lost touch with reality.

His parents sound like enablers so you must not allow them to have the kids as they cannot be trusted not to allow him unsupervised access to the kids. They can't successfully take you to court for access, so ignore them when they say that they will.

I don't think they'd involve SS, at least not at this stage. He hasn't expressed thoughts of harm to the children (or anyone except himself?)

The children have @Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy to care for them.

They will see how he responds to medication (if they manage to get him to take stuff.)

Just keep calling him if he comes out with any of this stuff OP.

I think SS would only get involved if he expressed harm to the DC. Not everyone with psychosis/MH issues has SS involvement. It's not like they lack a primary carer.

He is the only one who can ask for help

Many people with mental health problems come to the attention of professionals via loved ones. It can be hard to get professionals to do stuff but should be possible eventually.

I agree that having a parent with mental health problems (especially if untreated) can be very damaging to children- that was my experience with a father with (more or less undiagnosed) depression and an explosive temper. It can leave someone with anxiety around other people/persistent anxiety issues, as their brain has not has not had any environment where it can relax while developing.