How bad is this?

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

Unfortunately when I am in the situation I am finding it hard to see the wood for the trees and would appreciate balanced, neutral advice. My husband has had an anger issue, specifically from when dc was 2.5 so it's going on years.. I spoke up early on, he agreed and said he would get help to stop, he has gone to therapy but not for lomg enough imo and while it is better, I am still wondering am I mad to stay and I am staying very mucj for family life as my own feelings were cut off with it all. Over those years he has kicked a whole in a door, dented a metal bin by kicking, broken a bathroom step by throwing and broken a light switch by thumping it, only the latter in last 2 years, others years ago. Unsurprisingly dc1 has issues with his own emotions and I have probably undermined oh by sticking up for dc at times so it's probably messy in general in his little head. In last 10 days he has been called a fucking brat, a horror, a disgrace and pathetic. Admittedly behaviour was dreadful in these moments but I absolutely hate the language used and it goes completely against my way of bringing up and dealing with behaviour problems.
On the other hand, husband is a hige worker at home and on in general doesba huge amount. His father was a bully to him and I know there is good in him too, which makes it harder. I also know a breakup would be very hard on dc. We have gone to counselling and probably shouldn't hVe stopped. I habe told him i think he needed more but his was very shortlived considering the issues. He has started parenting books and left them unfinished. Ds can be a real challenge with his blow ups and h doesn't lose it every time or anything like it, just to give a balanced pictute. How bad is it from the outside?

Not sure why my other comment giving sympathy to child abuse victims was deleted. Anyway, this thread is genuinely distressing, I’ll have to hide it.

How are you doing? Sounds like some tough choices.
These things are always slow- but children are resilient. A secure base will out manoeuvre many negative childhood experiences. Well done on providing that base.
Social services and the nspcc both have resources that might help you- abs will be able to advise on how to help your child manage contact.
Some la would treat this kind of parenting as abuse- get it down in writing if you can (having text chats about it with oh, for example, where he acknowledges or references what he has said).
Here’s a fact about childhood trauma that might help: trauma in children can be caused by any situation where they feel that there isn’t an adult there to keep them safe, or the adults aren’t capable of that.
Ask yourself- does your child know that you the adult will keep them safe? (Sounds to me like you are doing this). Then they will weather this.

Thank you so much Peppa. Yes, one good adult, I believe I am that for them both. They are both confident, loving, healthyx active boys. There are plenty of positives despite the negatives and I hope I have insulated them somewhat throughout and will do better by them now going forward. I will need to be strong as I am naturally a pleaser, a people pleaser and a supporter and despite the facts, I will have to fight not to be that person for my H, as I did for a long time.

And despite it all, I am so sad for the young couple we were with our lives ahead and the beautiful baby we were so excited for.. massive hole in my stomach over how it has gone. Thanks for the messages as they have given me strength and determination since the very first one.