Unfortunately when I am in the situation I am finding it hard to see the wood for the trees and would appreciate balanced, neutral advice. My husband has had an anger issue, specifically from when dc was 2.5 so it's going on years.. 
I spoke up early on, he agreed and said he would get help to stop, he has gone to therapy but not for lomg enough imo and while it is better, I am still wondering am I mad to stay and I am staying very mucj for family life as my own feelings were cut off with it all. Over those years he has kicked a whole in a door, dented a metal bin by kicking, broken a bathroom step by throwing and broken a light switch by thumping it, only the latter in last 2 years, others years ago. Unsurprisingly dc1 has issues with his own emotions and I have probably undermined oh by sticking up for dc at times so it's probably messy in general in his little head. In last 10 days he has been called a fucking brat, a horror, a disgrace and pathetic. Admittedly behaviour was dreadful in these moments but I absolutely hate the language used and it goes completely against my way of bringing up and dealing with behaviour problems.
On the other hand, husband is a hige worker at home and on in general doesba huge amount. His father was a bully to him and I know there is good in him too, which makes it harder. I also know a breakup would be very hard on dc. We have gone to counselling and probably shouldn't hVe stopped. I habe told him i think he needed more but his was very shortlived considering the issues. He has started parenting books and left them unfinished. Ds can be a real challenge with his blow ups and h doesn't lose it every time or anything like it, just to give a balanced pictute. How bad is it from the outside?