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Original poster

Family Christmas secret- what would you do?

136 replies

Peppapigforlife · 26/12/2021 18:12

Confusing story so if you can get through it, well done :)

My uncle (let's call him uncle A), left my aunt of thirty years for another woman about 18 months ago. He was seeing her in secret for ages but everyone knew (including my aunt) yet he kept denying it. He left her and their two children (teenage and young adult) and moved into a flat in the same town. He still goes round to the family house to see his children sometimes but it's always frosty.
His new woman, who is also married with young adult children, moved into a flat near to him and that was that.
For Christmas he started getting upset that my aunt and his children were going away to see her sister and that he would be left 'alone' on Christmas day, as his girlfriend was going to spend it with her husband and son.
The uncle is my blood uncle but I'm very close to my aunt. İ used to be close to my uncle but since he started his new life he stopped making any effort with any of us.
Anyway, for Christmas my other uncle (his brother) invited me and my DD over for Christmas dinner along with my dad. İ said shall we invite uncle A, because he's going to be on his own? After Uncle A was invited he then suggested that we all go and spend Christmas in my aunt's house instead (which he refers to as The Big House) as it would be bigger and nicer. Me and my other uncle said to one another that we wouldn't want to go to my aunt's house for Christmas as it would be weird using her house for Christmas without her there and she definitely wouldn't like it, so we said no. İ also said that I could just imagine uncle A's new woman coming round for a drink.

Fast forward and my aunt was telling me about my uncle giving her abuse again for not staying around for Christmas and I warned her about his idea for her house. She was furious and then told me later he had poo-poo'd the idea of spending Christmas with his brothers and İ. Anyway, in the end İ decided to stay home with a friend as I'd just moved house and didn't want to travel, but told my dad and uncle they were welcome to come to mine with uncle A, but they all did their own thing.

Spoke to my uncle today about meeting up and he said he got a text from uncle A this morning saying he'd had a great Christmas and he had spent it with his girlfriend at 'The Big House', basically he had Christmas with his new woman, who was an affair partner to begin with, at my aunt's house behind her back.
Now my other uncle is saying he wishes he didn't know about it as he feels like a horrible secret keeper. İ said İ was going to tell my aunt, because it's out of order, but he said please don't, as it will cause a big row and he will be seen as a secret keeper for not telling her. He said he only told me because İ had predicted it happening and he couldn't believe İ was right! He's now stuck between betraying the trust of his brother, or betraying the trust his sister in law who he has known most of his life. İf i keep it secret, İ'm betraying her trust, but if İ tell her, I'm betraying the trust of my other uncle who was told the secret. I'm not bothered about betraying the trust of Uncle A, as he's basically written me off for making effort with me these days.
What would you do if you were me?

OP posts:
BitcherOfBlakiven · 26/12/2021 18:50

The fucking audacity.

Tell her.

Encourage her to hasten the fucking divorce so him and his side piece can’t keep enjoying HER home any more. Play shit games, get shit flats as a prize.

billy1966 · 26/12/2021 18:51

OP, one way or another she has to be told.

The neighbours are the easiest way.

Who cares if their is a slope or a path, if she says she was told by a neighbour who is he to argue with her.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2021 18:52

There is no way that your Aunt won't know that her house has been used whilst she has been away.Uncle A is a dickhead and will leave stuff lying around that she will spot. He may even do it deliberately to upset her.

"Now my other uncle is saying he wishes he didn't know about it as he feels like a horrible secret keeper. İ said İ was going to tell my aunt, because it's out of order, but he said please don't, as it will cause a big row and he will be seen as a secret keeper for not telling her."
I'd point out to Uncle B that you Aunt will KNOW that someone has been in her house and that it will be obvious to her that the someone was Uncle A. And if he doesn't want to be seen as a secret keeper, then he'd best not keep secrets, hadn't he? And lets face it, he hasn't - he's told you. And together you can now present it to your aunt that he told you first and not her because he wanted to discuss with you how best to tell her.

I'd also point out to Uncle B that Uncle A, his brother, has completely dropped him in it by texting him that he'd spent Christmas at your Aunt's house. Uncle A hadn't needed to do that, he chose to do that. He chose to put his brother, Uncle B, in this difficult position. And that Uncle B really doesn't owe Uncle A a rat's bollock, so he certainly doesn't owe him keeping his nasty disrespectful dirty little secret. Uncle B should be asking why his conniving little shit of a brother decided to embroil him in his fucked-up life, it's hardly the act of a good person now, is it?

Your Aunt is going to be upset. What you and Uncle B have to decide is -

are you going to let her be upset at Uncle A's disrespect of her home,

or

are you going to let her be upset at Uncle A's disrespect of her home, and the disloyalty of her niece and and Uncle B who chose to say nothing, effectively taking Uncle A's side?

Personally I'd march Uncle B to Aunt's house where you both tell her what shitty Uncle A has done and show some family solidarity with the poor woman. And I'd also advise her to change the locks, the only reason he has to come to the house is to see his children and I'm sure they're old enough to answer the doorbell now.

And as an aside, I'd be wondering if Uncle A is trying to make Aunt feel uncomfortable in her home and is trying to manipulate her into moving out / selling up so that he can get his grubby little hands on the capital because he's already worked out that he doesn't like staying in a little flat, and fuck his children staying in their home he wants the money.

astockingforme · 26/12/2021 18:52

Just tell her. I'd want to know. It makes my blood boil thinking of it. These things come out and it'll hurt her way more that you knew and didn't tell her.

If need be tell her you were informed but you can't say by whom as they told you in confidence. Who told you shouldn't really be the focus anyway

ThePlumVan · 26/12/2021 18:53

I’d tell her. You know she’s not going to be happy about it, and may even be expecting it

You know because you or a friend saw them or their cars outside.
Distance everyone else from the drama.

ShowMeTheSugar · 26/12/2021 18:55

Can you say you drove past and saw his car? Or speak to Uncle A if you think he'd tell you outright?

Either way I think she should know, at the very least so she can have her locks changed.

CaptSkippy · 26/12/2021 18:55

Tell her. She has a right to know. And I would getting that key off of him or changing the locks. What a cheeky fucker. Totally out of order. Did they sleep in ehr bed too?

WonderfulYou · 26/12/2021 18:58

I wouldn’t tell her.

I would bring up in conversation about her changing the locks but I wouldn’t mention what happened. Not only is there nothing she can do about it but she will also feel sick that he had his girlfriend in her house and possibly bed. She doesn’t need that.

I also think he has allowed her to stay in the ‘big house’ as they are civil. If she finds out and it causes an argument he can divorce her and he can take the house back/sell it.

Does she have money or is he the one with the money?

Morally - she should know.
Realistically - knowing would do her more ha than good.

LostForWords2021 · 26/12/2021 18:58

Where did they sleep?

Ughh either way, is tell her

NoNameHere12 · 26/12/2021 18:58

Tell the aunt.
Tell her though that the story is she has a camera that’s been installed recently and saw them going in. That way, no one told the aunt, she already knew herself.

She needs to change the locks and take his key-that’s the most cheeky fuckering-ness I’ve ever heard off! I’d kill him!!

YukoandHiro · 26/12/2021 19:01

Tell her but ask her not to rat you. Get her to say a friend saw them arriving.

Nailsbythesea · 26/12/2021 19:02

@WhereYouLeftIt

There is no way that your Aunt won't know that her house has been used whilst she has been away.Uncle A is a dickhead and will leave stuff lying around that she will spot. He may even do it deliberately to upset her.

"Now my other uncle is saying he wishes he didn't know about it as he feels like a horrible secret keeper. İ said İ was going to tell my aunt, because it's out of order, but he said please don't, as it will cause a big row and he will be seen as a secret keeper for not telling her."
I'd point out to Uncle B that you Aunt will KNOW that someone has been in her house and that it will be obvious to her that the someone was Uncle A. And if he doesn't want to be seen as a secret keeper, then he'd best not keep secrets, hadn't he? And lets face it, he hasn't - he's told you. And together you can now present it to your aunt that he told you first and not her because he wanted to discuss with you how best to tell her.

I'd also point out to Uncle B that Uncle A, his brother, has completely dropped him in it by texting him that he'd spent Christmas at your Aunt's house. Uncle A hadn't needed to do that, he chose to do that. He chose to put his brother, Uncle B, in this difficult position. And that Uncle B really doesn't owe Uncle A a rat's bollock, so he certainly doesn't owe him keeping his nasty disrespectful dirty little secret. Uncle B should be asking why his conniving little shit of a brother decided to embroil him in his fucked-up life, it's hardly the act of a good person now, is it?

Your Aunt is going to be upset. What you and Uncle B have to decide is -

are you going to let her be upset at Uncle A's disrespect of her home,

or

are you going to let her be upset at Uncle A's disrespect of her home, and the disloyalty of her niece and and Uncle B who chose to say nothing, effectively taking Uncle A's side?

Personally I'd march Uncle B to Aunt's house where you both tell her what shitty Uncle A has done and show some family solidarity with the poor woman. And I'd also advise her to change the locks, the only reason he has to come to the house is to see his children and I'm sure they're old enough to answer the doorbell now.

And as an aside, I'd be wondering if Uncle A is trying to make Aunt feel uncomfortable in her home and is trying to manipulate her into moving out / selling up so that he can get his grubby little hands on the capital because he's already worked out that he doesn't like staying in a little flat, and fuck his children staying in their home he wants the money.

This . Show the woman some support.
tara66 · 26/12/2021 19:03

As PP has said your aunt will notice someone has been in her house. Better she is told who it was.

Eddielzzard · 26/12/2021 19:06

I'd tell your uncle that you're not going to lie as that's not fair on you. I wouldn't volunteer the info but I wouldn't cover for him. If she asked straight out, I'd tell her the truth. If she asks why you didn't tell her before she asked, I'd say you'd been put in a horrible position. I HATE this sort of thing. Grossly unfair on you.

crankysaurus · 26/12/2021 19:09

She needs to know, they might have been fucking in her bed for all you know.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/12/2021 19:10

I would definitely tell her

Misty84 · 26/12/2021 19:11

What @WhereYouLeftIt said!!! 100%.

2bazookas · 26/12/2021 19:15

You should tell your aunt. Of course she would want to know so she can stop it ever happening again.

SpideySenseTingles · 26/12/2021 19:15

Tell uncle B that you are going to talk to your aunt about it tomorrow. He has the option to tell her himself today.

TwinklyBranch · 26/12/2021 19:15

Stay out of it. You warned her it might happen and she didn't do anything to prevent it, such as changing the locks, or confronting him about his plans. So it's on her.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 26/12/2021 19:20

She need to take her key back off him. Tell her but ask her not to say who grassed.

Original poster
Peppapigforlife · 26/12/2021 19:20

İ think he had it there to show off to his new girlfriend about his big house that he owns, rather than his small flat. Not that I'm condoning it.
I've tried talking to middle uncle that we should just tell her but he's not wanting to get involved at all and jokingly threatened me if İ tell her. He wouldn't be violent but he does have a temper and might kick off at me for telling her. İ can't get him round to my way of thinking. The neighbour thing is not an option because İ doubt the neighbours even know he has moved out and it will just be so obvious that she's lying and he will know where she found out from and he's not the type to hold a lie with my uncle cos she will get so angry she will rant and rave anyway and the truth will come out about how she found out, and then it will come back at me from my uncle in the middle of it.

OP posts:
Curlyreine · 26/12/2021 19:22

What @WhereYouLeftIt said. Don't play these games, it will only get worse. Your uncle is a cf

Original poster
Peppapigforlife · 26/12/2021 19:22

*typo
'she's not the type', not 'he's'

OP posts:
nadgersbadgers · 26/12/2021 19:23

I would tell her.

Fuck I would be livid.