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Original poster

Been told my DP that I've ruined Christmas

99 replies

clothesshoes · 25/12/2021 11:13

Not really sure what I've done wrong to be honest, I'm 9 months pregnant and due any day we have agreed to spend Christmas separately as I cannot travel far so he is seeing his family with his son which is 2 hours away for me and I am staying with my family so I don't have to travel (I have very low iron, so get extremely dizzy and faint and now I am on alert for GED and pre-eclampsia after some dodgy tests this week such as very high blood sugar and ketones and protein in urine) we agreed he would come over to my families for lunch tomorrow and now he has said he cannot get over until 4/5 and I explained this isn't suitable as my parents are hosting from 11 and they can't be hosting until evening time as my DSM has severe epilepsy and cannot do too much before she needs to go to bed and rest. He has now said I have ruined Christmas so now I am sitting here on my own wondering what I have done wrong, to top it off today is also my birthday today, I'm a Christmas baby just hoping little one holds in a bit longer so they are not also.

Sorry to put a downer on the day just felt I needed to vent

OP posts:

cansu · 25/12/2021 11:15

He sounds like a bit of a shit. Why can't he get there until 5? Is there a genuine reason?

Original poster

clothesshoes · 25/12/2021 11:20

@cansu

He sounds like a bit of a shit. Why can't he get there until 5? Is there a genuine reason?

OP posts:

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 25/12/2021 11:20

Enjoy your Christmas with your family and tell him you'll speak to him tomorrow, next week, whatever.

He's being a selfish twat and you can tell him that, loudly and often, because it is true!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 25/12/2021 11:27

You haven’t ruined Christmas. Nor has your SM or other family.

He has chosen to not rush over on Christmas Day to see his very pregnant partner. If anyone ‘ruined’ Christmas, it is him. But at the same time, I’d say Christmas isn’t ruined because him not joining you for lunch doesn’t sound like any great loss.

Does he really sound like the man you want by your side for the est of your life? Have you heard the expression ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them’?

He is telling you something and you need to listen to what he is saying and doing. You are not a priority for him.

That is a shitty Christmas present but don’t expect him to change. Instead, make your own decisions and make the next year your best yet (without him).

Juletide · 25/12/2021 11:28

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

moremoony · 25/12/2021 11:36

I don’t understand how you’ve “ruined Christmas” is he normally so emotionally dramatic? It’s YOUR BIRTHDAY. Today is your day. It’s not about him. For one day of the year it’s about you. Is he normally this selfish? How can he behave like this? Have you said “well thanks for ruining my birthday. I’ve just realised how utterly selfish you are. I think don’t come tomorrow please or any day soon as I’m going to have to reconsider our relationship in light of your dramatic statement and your general lack of effort or understanding. I’ll get back in touch at some point” then do not answer him or respond to anything. Take a few days and concentrate on you and resting. This person you’ve hooked yourself to is not a decent human being let alone a worthwhile partner. Is this why his previous relationship ended? He was a selfish immature dickhead?

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 25/12/2021 11:36

He sounds like a dick. You're 9 months pregnant with his child, due to go into labour anytime now and he can't even spend Christmas with you? He's happy to leave you and travel hours away from you. And now he won't even come back for Boxing Day lunch? What an absolute arsehole.

I'm so sorry, this is so shit for you. You can't rely on him. Tell him to stay where he is and not to bother coming back at all.

RB68 · 25/12/2021 11:37

yeah he is the issue here. Just plain laziness not heading over for lunch

Aquamarine1029 · 25/12/2021 11:38

@Juletide

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

Just what I was thinking. This does not bode well for the future, op. This man is not committed to you.

Haggisfish3 · 25/12/2021 11:40

Wtf are you having a child with this horror?

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 25/12/2021 11:40

Just read your OP again, today is your birthday... well ffs it just gets worse doesn't it? What a truly awful man.

I hope you can have a nice day with your family. Switch your phone off, don't bother speaking to him. Focus on spending your day with those who love and care about you.

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 25/12/2021 11:40

The way people treat you when you're unable to do anything for them speaks volumes op.

I think you know that he's a shit 'partner'.

timeisnotaline · 25/12/2021 11:41

No plans he just doesn't want to rush back over, which is fair enough but I need him with me I have been told if my symptoms get any worse I need to call an ambulance and by the rate things have happened this week that is looking likely with all the added stress
How is that fair enough? It’s Christmas, it’s your birthday, you’re about to have his baby, and you’re unwell to boot. It’s not fair enough, it’s a truly fucking awful way to treat your partner and shouts that he genuinely doesn’t care one bit about you or your baby. I’m sorry to be blunt, but honestly you need this man out of your life ASAP, and in case it’s not your plan you should give your baby your name rather than the man who doesn’t seem concerned whether your baby gets born safely or not.

Dontletthemuggglesgetyoudown · 25/12/2021 11:42

It's your birthday and it's Christmas. Bin the useless cockwomble

CakeRabbit · 25/12/2021 11:45

What is it with people accepting the behaviour of horrible selfish men. You don't have to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love and respect you.

Atla · 25/12/2021 11:48

Tell him not to bother. Enjoy your time with your family and, I think, reconsider if you want to be with such an arsehole.

It's fair enough that he is spending the day with his son, if that's what you agreed, but his attitude fucking stinks.

Lammysaurus · 25/12/2021 11:48

You haven't "ruined Christmas" by asking him to stick with the original plan the two of you and your familes agreed to. He's making no sense, and it's nasty of him to upset you with nonsense when he knows you're unwell and anxious. All you have done is tell him he can't change plans at the last minute and show up at someone else's house five hours after the invite time, particularly when that person is unable to host him at the later time due to medical issues. None of that is your choice or under your control, but it IS within his control to come at the time he agreed to.

He has all day Christmas Day with his family and son and some time on Boxing Day morning too. I'm sure his family can understand that he needs to be with his partner when his child is about to be born. He can leave in time to drive to your family's house by lunchtime as he said he would do. Next year and every year after he will have two children in two different households and almost certainly be asked/expected to split his time on Christmas Day. He might as well start practicing.

ProudThrilledHappy · 25/12/2021 11:48

@Juletide

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

He sounds like a dick. You are in for a rough 18 years of co-parenting

RedHelenB · 25/12/2021 11:49

Surely he would rush over if you were in hospital. I think readers have missed the fact he's with his son, that to me is important too.

bunnyboilerx · 25/12/2021 11:50

Just reply: okay that's fine, don't worry. I am with my family they'll look after me. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

And then fuck him off. You deserve better op.

CagneyNYPD1 · 25/12/2021 11:51

@Juletide

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

This. Hits the nail on the head.

Atla · 25/12/2021 11:51

Also, just re read and seen that you are heavily pregnant/unwell. What. A. Shitbag!

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 25/12/2021 11:51

Time to Ltb op?
He isn't even supporting you and the baby isn't here yet!
Doesn't bode well imo..

CagneyNYPD1 · 25/12/2021 11:53

@RedHelenB

Surely he would rush over if you were in hospital. I think readers have missed the fact he's with his son, that to me is important too.

Of course it is important that he is with his son. That's why he should be at home, with his very pregnant partner on her birthday with his son too. As a family of 3, very soon to be 4.

LethargicActress · 25/12/2021 12:02

How early were you expecting him to be over if he’s spending time with his son somewhere two hours away?

It sounds like the original plan was unrealistic.

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