Been told my DP that I've ruined Christmas

[clothesshoes]

Not really sure what I've done wrong to be honest, I'm 9 months pregnant and due any day we have agreed to spend Christmas separately as I cannot travel far so he is seeing his family with his son which is 2 hours away for me and I am staying with my family so I don't have to travel (I have very low iron, so get extremely dizzy and faint and now I am on alert for GED and pre-eclampsia after some dodgy tests this week such as very high blood sugar and ketones and protein in urine) we agreed he would come over to my families for lunch tomorrow and now he has said he cannot get over until 4/5 and I explained this isn't suitable as my parents are hosting from 11 and they can't be hosting until evening time as my DSM has severe epilepsy and cannot do too much before she needs to go to bed and rest. He has now said I have ruined Christmas so now I am sitting here on my own wondering what I have done wrong, to top it off today is also my birthday today, I'm a Christmas baby just hoping little one holds in a bit longer so they are not also.

Sorry to put a downer on the day just felt I needed to vent

@Atla

Tell him not to bother. Enjoy your time with your family and, I think, reconsider if you want to be with such an arsehole.

It's fair enough that he is spending the day with his son, if that's what you agreed, but his attitude fucking stinks.

I have done, and now he's said he's embarrassed that I have said that but it's not fair on my family, my DSM has had 3 seizures this week I want her to rest.

The plan was his son goes back to EXW house and that was always the plan :( honestly I wish I had the money to just move away with me and baby

Why aren’t him and his son at yours?!

Don't put him on the birth certificate

It's Christmas Day
It's your birthday
You're about to give birth
You're not feeling well

He's chosen to be anywhere but with you today

He's saying YOU'VE ruined Christmas?

Just like A Christmas Carol, he's showing you a preview of Christmasses yet to come.

This is what life is going to be like for you and your baby.

Sharing with us will get you responses you maybe don't want to have to consider, but that's the thing about Mumsnet - tough love from women who'll tell it like it is.

@Juletide

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

He’s with his child that already exists and will be old enough to make memories of Christmas. That is more important than a baby who hasn’t been born yet, especially when it’s Mum is being well looked after by family.

An adults birthday is nowhere near as important as a child’s Christmas.

Give the baby your surname OP.

If you ever regret it, DM me, I'll give you one million dollars.

How old is his son (sorry if you've mentioned it & I missed it OP!)
While it's good that he wants to spend Christmas with his son, I would say that if it's "his turn" to have Christmas with his son, he would ideally have brought him over to spend it with you? Presumably if you are having a baby together you have met the son by now. If it's not his turn to spend Christmas with his son, he should really be prioritising you, as you are heavily pregnant & potentially ill & may need urgent transport to hospital.

I'd look on this as a gift in disguise. He's shown you, somewhat brutally, where you & your baby stand in the line of priority, in his life. It will likely always be after his son & the rest of his family.

The people who want to stay and support you when things are rough are the ones I'd keep around. That doesn't sound like him TBH.

and good luck for your new baby.

Does he know what time he is taking his son back?

If he does & it's then a two hr drive then he has always known what time he would be with you & whether or not lunch was doable.

Suspect I know why he's onto his second family; ex wouldn't put up with that crap, eh?

Sorry, OP. He's showing you who he is. I'd have a long thick before he rocks up when he feels like it whether or not you want to stay together. At least you're not married.

@Gettingthereslowly2020

He sounds like a dick. You're 9 months pregnant with his child, due to go into labour anytime now and he can't even spend Christmas with you? He's happy to leave you and travel hours away from you. And now he won't even come back for Boxing Day lunch? What an absolute arsehole.

I'm so sorry, this is so shit for you. You can't rely on him. Tell him to stay where he is and not to bother coming back at all.

I’m not saying I’d accept all of this and especially the way he’s spoken to OP but the travelling and being away at Christmas - when OP has chosen not to travel - isn’t something to hold against him. He has a child that existed before his relationship with OP. He’s allowed to want to spend Christmas with his child. If it was 1st child’s mum posting here saying ex hadn’t showed up for Christmas with child because he has a new family and it’s new partners birthday we would all be agreeing with her that he’s a shit (which he still is but for a different reason).

So sorry your going through this OP, his behaviour is just a start of how life will be if you stay with him, I understand he wants to see his son but your close to giving birth and are unwell so he should be racing back to be with you.

Try and enjoy your day with your family, they are your support at the moment and not him, I doubt he will ever be there to support you. Try not to stress as it will make you more likely to become unwell, the baby is priority, he’s not worth the stress. Get through the next few days and then seriously consider what you are going to do after the birth of your baby. This man isn’t going to support you or make you priority.

OP you have posted many many times about this man. You are so vulnerable and this man is not good for you. You’ve been told this on every thread. End this relationship for your own well-being. You keep having expectations of him treating you better and it never happens.

You haven't ruined Christmas FGS. This is all on him. Is he usually an arsehole?

I hope that you manage to enjoy your day with your family.

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas

Can you stay with your family for the foreseeable future as they will probably support you better than your 'D'P.

He's an arse. You've done nothing wrong & don't let him tell you otherwise. Take care of yourself.

Happy Birthday 🥳
&
Merry Christmas 🤩🎄

Sorry he's so unkind to you. Happy birthday. Leave him...

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Why aren’t him and his son at yours?!

DP wants to travel to his dads as he does every year and was certain on doing that with no compromise

@AnotherMansCause

How old is his son (sorry if you've mentioned it & I missed it OP!) While it's good that he wants to spend Christmas with his son, I would say that if it's "his turn" to have Christmas with his son, he would ideally have brought him over to spend it with you? Presumably if you are having a baby together you have met the son by now. If it's not his turn to spend Christmas with his son, he should really be prioritising you, as you are heavily pregnant & potentially ill & may need urgent transport to hospital.

I'd look on this as a gift in disguise. He's shown you, somewhat brutally, where you & your baby stand in the line of priority, in his life. It will likely always be after his son & the rest of his family.

The people who want to stay and support you when things are rough are the ones I'd keep around. That doesn't sound like him TBH.

and good luck for your new baby.

His son is 4, he wants to spend Christmas with his dad as he has done for a few years in a row and didn't want to spend it with my family which is fine with me I just wanted to see him Boxing Day, the day he doesn't has his son as he drops him off at 10am usually

@moremoony

I don’t understand how you’ve “ruined Christmas” is he normally so emotionally dramatic? It’s YOUR BIRTHDAY. Today is your day. It’s not about him. For one day of the year it’s about you. Is he normally this selfish? How can he behave like this? Have you said “well thanks for ruining my birthday. I’ve just realised how utterly selfish you are. I think don’t come tomorrow please or any day soon as I’m going to have to reconsider our relationship in light of your dramatic statement and your general lack of effort or understanding. I’ll get back in touch at some point” then do not answer him or respond to anything. Take a few days and concentrate on you and resting. This person you’ve hooked yourself to is not a decent human being let alone a worthwhile partner. Is this why his previous relationship ended? He was a selfish immature dickhead?

Basically this!

He was invited for LUNCH, not whenever he could be arsed showing up.

They way he blames YOU for his rudeness is unacceptable.

I can understand him wanting to see his son, but he hasn't prioritised you and his baby at all.

Really think about whether you want him back at all. He's probably ground you down to thinking his treatment is all you deserve - it's NOT!!

I know Christmas & being heavily pregnant isn't the ideal time to tell him to piss off, but he's NOT going to be there for you when you have the baby, so maybe looking forward to the New Year, with the baby & without this selfish twat might be the best present you could give yourself this birthday!! Being a single parent is far easier than doing it with a selfish twat!!

Prioritise yourself!!

Happy Birthday, despite everything ((hug)))

Happy birthday OP Sorry you are having such a rubbish day.

Just enjoy the day with your family and try to relax. If he's got it on him today, that is his problem.

He sounds charming, I don't think that either of you were unreasonable to not want to travel or him for wanting to see his son- but if he agreed to come over for lunch and then decided he couldn't until later and then have the nerve to blame you that's harsh.

He’s allowed to want to spend Christmas with his child. If it was 1st child’s mum posting here saying ex hadn’t showed up for Christmas with child because he has a new family and it’s new partners birthday we would all be agreeing with her that he’s a shit (which he still is but for a different reason).

But he IS spending Christmas with his son, it's Boxing Day when he was supposed to be travelling back to see the new partner.

The planned schedule was that he spends Christmas day with his parents and first child, child is returned to the ex at 10am, partner carries on to see OP in time for lunch Boxing Day. He hasn't said he wants to spend more time with his son, he's said he he doesn't feel like rushing

He is the one who is creating the upset.

And he is trying to foist the blame onto you.

As others have said, view this as a huge warning sign. And don’t put him on the birth cert.

He is going to keep on letting you down and making you feel bad about it.

He has shown you exactly who he is. Don’t forget this.

WTF have I just read?

It's Christmas day, your birthday, you're about to give birth and your 'D'P is somewhere else?

My thoughts exactly.

Although when you say he is seeing his family two hours away 'with his son' do you mean he has to go there to see his son? Or has be taken his son with him?

If he's had a full day with them today I don't see what his issue is with getting up reasonably early and being back by 11 or 12 tomorrow.

But under the circumstances I'd be annoyed that he went off without me in the first place. He's prepared to miss the birth of his child to visit family on Christmas Day without you? Not great. Not great at all.

Wow he's an arse! So what will happen next year at Christmas when the baby is here?

Give the baby your surname to begin with. You can change it down the line IF you want to. (You won't). Enjoy a lovely Christmas and birthday with you family, and while you're enjoying it, consider if you actually need or want this self centered twunt of a manchild in your life.