Husband wants me back……

[EasyGoing80]

Husband walked out on me a year ago claiming we ‘want different things’. Due to my lack of boundaries he continued to visit the kids in my home but we have had no relationship.

I filed for divorce and have been getting on with my life and rather embracing being alone. I agreed to a truce over the Christmas period before cracking on with the divorce and now he wants me back. He keeps coming round the house and brings gifts and says he wants to try again - I just don’t think my heart is in it but at the same time I feel sad for him. We were together 18 years.

What the hell do I do??

You keep your boundaries high and tell him to get stuffed.

What different things did he want?

Not that it matters, you don't want him back, so don't! I just wondered what he thinks has changed.

Remind yourself how easy it was for him to abandon you and your kids because “[you] wanted different things” and how he didn’t even try to salvage things.
There is nothing stopping him from piling this shit again.

Do you want him back. The different things he thought he wanted hasn't worked out so now he feels lonely.

You can't be with someone because you feel sad for him
Do you love him? Did you have a healthy relationship? Have you both grown individually and come to the realisation that your new selves are, indeed compatible, and respectful of each other?

There’s a song about this:-

www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/beautifulsouth/alittletime.html

It's never a good start if you go back to someone because they are sad. You have to be selfish sometimes and think about what makes you happy. My mum and dad divorced and then remarried within a year and then divorced again it was alot for us kids to go through.

These different things. What were they?
Is he missing his home comforts?

Don't take him back out of pity. You'll hate yourself.

Did you feel sad for him when he walked out and left you and the kids?

If your hearts not in it, then your hearts not in it. That’s it. You need to be honest and tell him that.

He walked out, he doesn’t get to decide he’s changed his mind now with no regards to you.

Are you scared to tell him?

What you do is you consider what you really want and don't subvert yourself to a man who treats you badly out of a misplaced sense of feeling sorry for him.

The words I would use are “you were right when you left, we did want different things and that hasn’t changed”

I saw this advice once and thought it was very good so write it down

Boundaries are walls. You set them up, alert anyone who needs to know that it’s there, then walk away from your side of the wall back to your life. Don’t hang around your wall, getting worn down hearing the toddler wailing happening on the other side.

The grass was not greener with whatever/whoever he left you for and now he’s crawling back. No way OP. You’d regret it within a week, and that’s a generous assessment.

So what he means is that the sex on tap he thought he would get as a single man or from the other woman never materialised.

You're better than this OP. You deserve better.

If its what you want then maybe. If its because you feel sorry for him then absolutely not. He is the one who left

You know you don’t owe him anything, right?

@Mumoftwoinprimary sorry, missed your post

And whilst you may have been together for 18 years and feel sad for him. He didn’t consider or think of that when he decided to just leave did he? So don’t feel bad for him. He made his choice and needs to live with the consequences

We want different things usually means his met someone else and wants to give it a try. I wouldn't let him back. He made his bed let him lie in it. Tell him you want a different thing now ! A great life without him

There would just be no trust would there? What horrible emotions these are though, just awful 😢 I feel like I bring this on myself for being to caring and weak

He clearly has very little regard for you, if he thinks he can snap his fingers and you'll be desperate enough to take him back.

Also like PP, I'll bet there was a OW

Crack on with your new life. This is what will happen if you take him back. The first 3 months will be a whirl wind of romance and best behaviour. 3 to 6 months the mask will start to slip. 6 to 9 months he will say "we want different things" and be off. You need to keep your boundaries strong and not fall for this crap.

Don't reunite because of pity.
If your heart isn't in it, don't do it. You're moving on.
You can still be in each others lives, in ways that might suit you both.
I think he thought the grass was greener and has probably found out its just grass and regrets leaving you.