How much time do you and your DH spend together?

[moremoony]

I’m interested to know what does your DH do in the evening? How much time do you spend together? My DH disappears every eve after tea to a different room to sit on his computer. What is your evening routine? Do you just amuse yourself in the evening? Spend every eve together? I’m wondering what the point of being in a relationship is if I’m by myself every evening. Maybe it’s normal though?

I'm afraid I'm like your DH and I prefer to be alone on my own computer. However, I'm aware this isn't ideal in a relationship so I do make an effort to watch something on Netflix with DH fairly regularly. We'll find a show we both like the look of.

I do think that some people need more of their partner's company than others do....I'm very self sufficient. DH sometimes comes and sits and looks mournfully at me and then I feel bad.

I'm very introverted....but I still have understanding so make an effort. I like walking about with DH so I do that when I can...on the beach.

Thing is, the things I'd love to do don't interest him....like I enjoy going round antique shops but he doesn't....he'll make an effort now and then.

We do enjoy crypto....so we spend time looking at charts and doing some research together.

We spend much more time together now than we used to pre-pandemic - not necessarily doing the same thing, we might be reading or scrolling or watching tv separately in the same room, or sometimes doing our own thing in different rooms, or sometimes talking, playing a game or watching tv together.

It doesn’t matter what other people do if you’re unhappy though. What would you like to do together, does your DH know this and when did the disappearing off to another room start? What does he say when you ask him to spend time with you? Assume it’s a gaming PC or something that needs to be in a different room.

Honestly that sounds super depressing. My DH and I WFH together, in the same room except for when we have meetings. We spend evenings together too. Usually watch TV together but sometimes might e.g. have him playing a computer game while I read, but I'm the same room. Obviously sometimes one or other of us would be out but that's our 'normal' evening together. I don't understand why you'd be in a relationship with someone if you don't both want to spend your free time together as a default.

Do you know what he is doing that necessitates being on his computer every evening such as work, games, household emails?

Yeah, us too, once the kids are asleep he's in his room, I'm in the living room.

We spend most of our time together. We have lots of separate friends but when at home we are together all the time. And like to socialise together if we can. My previous relationship was much more separate and it didn’t suit me at all. It depends what you want really.

Mine does the same. Off to the PlayStation room and I watch tv or go in the garage on my bike.

Now and then we watch tv together.

Between wfh together, raising the kids, all the household chores ex together, an hour alone at night is necessary. Otherwise we'd kill each other I think

Some nights together watching Netflix or playing games together and some apart doing our own thing. I think a balance is important. I wouldn't want to spend every evening together because I have my own stuff I want to do and sometimes I just want to be in my own company, and he is the same.

It's a personal thing though and just depends on the individuals involved.

We spend every evening together. We watch a film or a show we like. We play a board game, just chat, cook together. Everyone is different and there is no ‘normal’, but if you’re unhappy then something needs addressing.

I think I’m just super lonely and need company in the evening. I feel abandoned to be honest. He’s playing games normally with other people. It’s been an issue our entire relationship. I just wondered if I was being needy. I’m not sure why it makes me feel so crap. I feel like I’m missing a buddy or something to sit and chat to. I’m trying to process it in my mind.

Covid hasn’t helped and all of my normal activities being cancelled. I feel a bit adrift to be honest.

Have you suggested stuff to do together? You might just be stuck in a rut. What would he say if you asked him to watch a new series or something with you?

@moremoony do you have any hobbies? If DH is at home maybe think about taking up a sport or creative interest to get you out and about?

We also don’t sleep in the same bed so most days we spend about half hour together. It suits him. It just feels like I’m divorced to be honest and I’m not sure if not really being together is the norm but I do know I’m wondering if I’d be best off actually alone and have the chance to meet my best friend if he’s out there.

I’ve got lots of hobbies and pre Covid I can go to the gym every eve. I’m not sure I want that anymore though. I do all of that stuff alone. I’m just not sure what a relationship is we don’t do anything together or he actively seems to prefer his own company or it’s always me seeking him out.

We both work shifts around each other so we don't have to worry about childcare. Him till 10pm and me till 8:30pm or nights. So don't get to spend much time together in the evenings. But when we are both there we tend to spend time together although not doing anything particularly fun, just watching movies or a series of something. I always end up going to bed before him as he is a bit of a night owl.

My dh got a smartphone about 2 1/2 years ago. He's on that all the time. We start watching tv/Netflix together and he drifts back to his phone.....sometimes puts headphones in then asks me what's going on in the program when he starts watching again. That goes down well
Computer in living room so quite often I'll be on my iPad and he'll be on the desktop. Both of us with headphones in.
Pre smartphone, evenings were spent watching something we both agreed on.
Pre my disability we'd go out to dinner, occasionally go to a concert, or go to the pub, and go and visit friends and family.

Maybe it’s me then that’s the problem. Seems like most people don’t spend their eves together. Maybe I should get a dog!

We are together all the time when he's home, gaming together or watching movies mostly. He keeps in touch a lot when he's a work too as he misses me. We are the best of friends as well as lovers though so we just love being together.

We eat together and always spend at least two hours together before bed but we don't go to bed until 11 at the earliest. If one of us goes out that's different but we don't do that very often really.
We play cards or put some music on or watch tv/a film. Sometimes we just sit at the table after we've eaten and keep talking over mugs of tea or a drink.

I understand why you’re unhappy with it, especially if you are sleeping separately too. What does he say when you tell him you are lonely?

Me and DP live together and spend every evening together. We either watch a tv series or film but sometimes I read and he uses the laptop but in the same room so we can talk.

DH and I are usually in the same room but watching/listening to different things mostly. I’ll usually stop him to talk shit about whatever I’m watching and then we both go back to our own things. I’d find your position lonely too to be honest.

We tend to spend weekdays nights doing different stuff. I'll watch tv or read and he will play on the pc. It used to be in the same room but it drove me mad so when we moved in this house it went in the conservatory. Later on we might watch something together. Saturday night we tend to watch something together.

We spend every evening together unless one of us is out (rare, in normal times once a month is guess).