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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work and Christmas with in-laws

114 replies

disawal · 23/12/2021 02:57

Hello,
I’m conflicted about work and my incoming holidays at my in-laws.

I’ve been looking for a job for a while now, I have been struggling financially as a consequence. Two days ago, I finally managed to get a project (I’m a freelancer and my
jobs are mostly project based). It’s full-time and it’s quite a big project so I don’t finish my day of work until late in the evening, but it will pay my bills and give me a bit of spare money to spend.

The problem is the deadline is in three weeks and I have to update my client with the process every three days.

I was scheduled to spend the 24th to the 28th at my husbands grandparents house with his parents and siblings. After which his parents and siblings will come down to stay with us for a few days.

I don’t have a laptop and my setup is my desktop. I can therefore not work remotely.

My husband still expects me to join them, I know it would disappoint him a lot if I didn’t come and he would be really pissed at me but I don’t know if I can afford four days off, I’m scared I wouldn’t cut it and wouldn’t be able to finish the job on time.
My sil isn’t coming either because of work but her husband is okay with that and she had given them notice beforehand.
I feel guilty but I just got the opportunity so I couldn’t have noticed them any earlier.

What should I do?

Go and figure out what to do with work when I come back?
Or stay back and work on my project?

Thank you

OP posts:
KaycePollard · 23/12/2021 19:20

@disawal

This is just the tip of the iceberg This relationship has made me miserable since day 1

Im actually leaving, I finally spoke to my family, I’m packing my things and leaving and I can’t believe it
It’s also so so so hard

You’re very brave @disawal Buckets of good luck. Flowers

Find some time to breathe away from this man.

Famousinlove · 23/12/2021 19:21

Are you the poster who wrote about him adding things to your shopping basket then having a go at you for not being able to afford it despite knowing you don't have a job?
Glad you're leaving him OP, don't go back

WouldIBeATwat · 23/12/2021 21:44

@Antsgomarching

Well done, he’s a giant piece of shit and you will be so much happier for not putting up with this crap. If he’s asian then his family should be appalled by this, everyone I know takes the concept of family money very seriously. You are pregnant and he doesn’t think you need winter clothes. Seriously don’t hide anything from his family, he’ll get his ass handed to him for it.

Good for you and do not go back, if you even contemplate it come back and read this thread over and over. You got this.

My friend (white) has just won her CSA claim against her ex (Asian). He’s an abusive piece of shit. It’s taken 9 years and she’s getting less than 10k for 2 kids. The guy is a millionaire but has structured his finances such that they cannot be touched. Angry
SarahDippity · 23/12/2021 21:50

I am so relieved for you Flowers every good wish to you

Momijin · 24/12/2021 02:35

Asian, white, black has nothing to do with him being an abusive piece of shit. My ex (white) was emotionally and financially abusive.

Teacupsandtoast · 24/12/2021 11:13

How are you today OP?

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2021 17:43

@disawal

I know it sounds very stupid but today I was even more motivated to make money and the thought of struggling again for this month scares me.

We went on a date to the city centre where we went winter clothes shopping for him.

I need a beanie, a scarf and gloves but I’m broke so I couldn’t afford anything.
(He did offer to lend me money but I wasn’t sure I would be able to pay him back anytime soon so I declined.)

He also changed his mind about offering to eat out for dinner and I couldn’t offer to pay so we went back home and my first thought was that I really needed money lol. I’m 25 and still being broke makes me feel like an absolute loser

Your husband is a miserly misery.

That's not a marriage.

Get financially secure and look at your options

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2021 17:48

Ah. Glad you're leaving him.

Good luck Flowers

autieok · 24/12/2021 23:45

This arrangement sounds awful @disawal a marriage is a team he should not begrudge you basic things like a hat and you should not be gifting him when you can't really afford to.

billy1966 · 25/12/2021 09:52

You are in a hugely abusive marriage.

Terminate that pregnancy asap.

Get away from this abusive man.

Don't allow him to ruin your young life.

Flowers
bluebell34567 · 25/12/2021 12:52

@billy1966

You are in a hugely abusive marriage.

Terminate that pregnancy asap.

Get away from this abusive man.

Don't allow him to ruin your young life.

Flowers

completely agree.
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/12/2021 13:46

I'm not sure I would agree with those sorts of decisions about the pregnancy Hmm But please take advice OP, from a proffessional counsellor, maybe British Pregnancy Advisory Service or similar, depending on where you are, and give this situation serious thought Flowers

bluebell34567 · 25/12/2021 21:48

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

I'm not sure I would agree with those sorts of decisions about the pregnancy Hmm But please take advice OP, from a proffessional counsellor, maybe British Pregnancy Advisory Service or similar, depending on where you are, and give this situation serious thought Flowers
logically true.
padsi1975 · 29/12/2021 16:09

Hi op. How did it all go in the end? Did you get your work done? Hope you're ok.

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