Work and Christmas with in-laws

[disawal]

Hello,
I’m conflicted about work and my incoming holidays at my in-laws.

I’ve been looking for a job for a while now, I have been struggling financially as a consequence. Two days ago, I finally managed to get a project (I’m a freelancer and my
jobs are mostly project based). It’s full-time and it’s quite a big project so I don’t finish my day of work until late in the evening, but it will pay my bills and give me a bit of spare money to spend.

The problem is the deadline is in three weeks and I have to update my client with the process every three days.

I was scheduled to spend the 24th to the 28th at my husbands grandparents house with his parents and siblings. After which his parents and siblings will come down to stay with us for a few days.

I don’t have a laptop and my setup is my desktop. I can therefore not work remotely.

My husband still expects me to join them, I know it would disappoint him a lot if I didn’t come and he would be really pissed at me but I don’t know if I can afford four days off, I’m scared I wouldn’t cut it and wouldn’t be able to finish the job on time.
My sil isn’t coming either because of work but her husband is okay with that and she had given them notice beforehand.
I feel guilty but I just got the opportunity so I couldn’t have noticed them any earlier.

What should I do?

Go and figure out what to do with work when I come back?
Or stay back and work on my project?

Thank you

Been with my husband 20 years, married 5.
We've always had and still have separate accounts but see it as one pot altogether, money just gets moved around as and when.
It makes me feel ill when I read about women who 'borrow' money off their husbands/long term live in partners as if they were housemates or acquaintances instead of family. If it genuinely suits couples then great. But I read so many threads like this where women are left short and the man 'lends' (or doesn't) them money.

My god. You’re pregnant and the tight fisted fuckwad wouldn’t even get you a hat and some gloves??? Fuck. That. Shit. I am generally not in the LTB brigade but this is intolerable. Use those 4 days to get yourself free and leave that miserable fuckwit to his own devices.

This is just the tip of the iceberg
This relationship has made me miserable since day 1

Im actually leaving, I finally spoke to my family, I’m packing my things and leaving and I can’t believe it
It’s also so so so hard

It is hard op but staying will be much much harder. You’re doing the right thing, sending strength!!

Good for you OP. A brighter future awaits. I promise.

Glad to read that you are leaving. Can I ask - what are your respective cultural backgrounds? And your families'?

Thank you everyone xx it means a lot

I’m white and he’s Asian

OP I'm pleased to hear that you are leaving and I believe you will be happier. Good luck!

What a fantastic update. It feels hard now but this is honestly the best present you could give yourself and your baby. Stay strong and good luck

OP, you will need that extra money you are earning for when you leave the mean bastard. I think it is called running away money. Good luck. And I like your work ethic.

Sorry, missed your update. That is great news! All the very best to you.

Book a lawyer’s appointment asap. You may yet get some of your savings back, and you’ll need them for baby. How far along in this pregnancy are you?

Good lass. Get home to your family for Christmas. You are stronger than you think. You can do this

Good for you OP! So glad you're leaving x

So glad you are leaving

2022 is looking so much brighter for you

So sad to read this but please get your money out.
He is horrific.
He will not change.
Even if he did why would you want him after the way he has behaved which he felt was acceptable.
I hate to ask but how far along is your pregnancy?
Wishing you all the best OP xx

Well done OP, we're all so proud of you x

That's brilliant op. This isn't your fault. Enjoy your xmas free from him xx

Glad to read you're leaving OP. You can't bring a baby into a relationship with a Man like this. Please keep coming back here for support and advice if you need it.

We're not yet married but my DP wouldn't hesitate to buy me warm things I needed, whether I had the money or not. If neither of us had money, he'd give me his hat and gloves before he saw me go without.

We don't count who pays for what. As long as the bills are all paid, our needs are met and we both have some left to save or spend on ourselves then it doesn't matter where each penny comes from x

I was horrified reading your thread op, then relieved to see that you are leaving. Good luck

Have a warm, relaxed Christmas OP. Let your family take care of you. Plenty of time to rebuild next year. Good luck x

That's it. 👍

Well done, he’s a giant piece of shit and you will be so much happier for not putting up with this crap. If he’s asian then his family should be appalled by this, everyone I know takes the concept of family money very seriously. You are pregnant and he doesn’t think you need winter clothes. Seriously don’t hide anything from his family, he’ll get his ass handed to him for it.

Good for you and do not go back, if you even contemplate it come back and read this thread over and over. You got this.

He sounds like a pimp. Are you sure he loves you? Like cherishes you and adores you like a husband should his wife? Sounds to me more like he has you around for the convenience you offer, the creature comforts of a warm body and chores done. This guy.... I'd dump him if he were my husband.

OP thank goodness you're leaving, you're worth so much more than that piece of shit could ever be!