I've made a mistake....

[notfestive1]

In short, married, 3 kids.....always been happy. Things haven't been perfect and we have had ups and downs with life stresses, but no real room for complaint. DH has told some lies over the years but even still I've never had reason to believe he would be unfaithful.
I've grown close to a friend, too close. There have been kisses and a little more though not the full works.....
I know what I need to do, but is there anyone in a similar situation who's managed to navigate their way back? The guilt right now is horrific. I really can't cope with judgement, I know what I've done is horrendous. I'm not proud of myself. Unfortunately cutting contact completely is near impossible. I'd be keen to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation and has advice on moving forward.
Thank you.

@girlmom21

If news gets out about you and OM, one or both of you is likely to be ostracized by the wide social circle.

OP if they ostracised you what would that mean for your husbands career?

Is the OM married too?

Very little I should think. The social/work line is miles apart. There is no link there, just coincidence

@gsaoej

On the plus side, you have not shagged him. And I do think that’s a big thing, especially if your husband were to find out about this.

Not sure what else to say. It’s messy. It disturbs me that (after having broken up with OM and committing to your marriage) you would always have a place in your heart for OM (I know I have paraphrased). That is highly disrespectful and offensive to your dh. Would he want to be with you if he felt like the safe option (with the golden ticket of being the kids’ dad). Furthermore this relationship with the OM has not had to withstand the life stresses that your marriage has had to so if you leave it here in its bubble, it’s idealised.

Is there any part of you that dislikes the OM for allowing or colluding with you to get your life into such a mess?

I am also interested in what type of lies your dh has told.

Mostly relating to finances. Some quite big ones, some smaller.

No, not really, I don't think I could ever dislike him. However I am certain my feelings towards him will change with Time and distance.

@Manwithplan1332

Wow, what a huge generalisation.
Many women end up as single parents not through choice, some infidelity (men cheat too!) but many as a result of abusive situations, sometimes two married people just grow apart and in order to be happy, then parting ways is the only logical thing to do.
In fact you sound bloody awful with your bitter views of women!

Nope because men will happily sleep with you but won’t want your baggage so you will Wonder why they won’t commit and you’ll end up lonely. Why do you women do this to yourselves?

Surely that says more about men that it does about women? Men happy to sleep with women but not committing is an issue with men. It's not women doing anything to themselves.

There are also plenty of decent men who will happily have a relationship with single mothers. The same as plenty of women with have a relationship with single fathers.

Don't judge other people by your own shitty standards, and stop trying to derail the OP's post with your misogyny.

There's a very good chance her husband will stay with her when he finds out, anyway.

@Manwithplan1332

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Oh do men's faces not age too? Do men's kids not exist anymore if they break up with the mum? Who knew!

Your post is basically 'tell me you're a misogynist without telling me you're a misogynist."

I'd say the biggest question is - does your DH susoect anything? Don't dismiss even a small expression of suspicion, because it will be only the very tip of an icebreg that you won't know of.
If the answer is yes - then you know you need to confess.
If he suspects absolutely nothing - then you may not escape as you may just develop a quiet unspoken disrespect for him, to help you cope with the guilt.
Either way, secrets are corrosive - it's just a question of who experiences the slow break down.

Any update OP?