A bit of background history first (also NC as I'm trying not to be outing for this but I'm a long-time lurker and occasional poster on MN). And sorry, it got a bit long.
I've been friends with a local guy for about five years and we have mutual friends too. He's a bit of a 'character' and the 'knows everyone' type (mainly due to his work). He's been on-off single since I've known him but in this time he's had two main relationships (a year/eighteen months or so each). When things have gone a bit wrong in these relationships, he's often asked me for advice, which I've given, and he's done the same for me. The friendship had become reasonably close, I'd say, and we had a level of trust talking about these things. We felt very comfortable with each other as friends. All good. For context, we're early 50s, not sixteen as some may shortly think.
However, several years back, he made it quite clear that he had a 'thing' for me. He told me there was a physical attraction but something deeper too. Then he started crossing lines and flirting with me, often while in these relationships but only when things were going wrong in them. It became a pattern - he'd be in touch, moan about his r/ship issues, then flirt with me. I'd shut him down and didn't respond in the way he wanted - and he admitted he was out of order doing it, but still continued. If there was ever any similar flirting back from me (much less from me as I just didn't feel comfortable tbh as it was mainly by text which felt weird), it was always when he'd told me he was single - though his pattern was that he'd get back with his gf again and the flirting would all stop until next time he broke up/had troubles. He did a lot of breaking up/reuniting, it seemed. And our contact followed a similar pattern - I'd sometimes not hear from him for several months at a time. Which, as mates, is fine, of course.
I suspected his latest relationship was coming to an end (I'd had all the usual signs plus he'd called several times for advice) and sure enough, he told me several months ago that it was finally over and he was single and he'd done the right thing ending it. Looking back at the messages, he told me they'd broken up but it 'wasn't official' yet. (I mean, was he going to announce it in the Times or something?)
So when the flirting and conversation picked up again, I went with it. I liked him (he's quite charismatic and charming/witty) and felt that perhaps the timing was now right for us given that he was properly single. He told me it was completely over with the previous gf and they parted on good terms.
Then he asked me on an actual date. He'd sorted it all, paid, picked me up etc - it was really nice, quite romantic and there was some physical intimacy involved. We both enjoyed the evening. Of course, the 'red flag' of him being capable of flirting while in a r/ship (if that's where we were headed going forward) was at the back of my mind and, rightly or wrongly, I chose to overlook this side of him.
Then in the days immediately following the date, his usual level and style of texting changed dramatically. It became much, much less and quite formal (as though we barely knew each other!) and he left my messages unread for days at a time. It was like getting blood from a stone. I even asked what was up/why so quiet, but I got the 'just busy with work/life' brush off. I wasn't pestering or over texting by any means, rather matching his level. So I figured I'd ask him to meet up one evening again for a meal (this was now several weeks after the original date) and his response would tell me what I needed to know. Well basically, there was no response. He didn't even read my message for over a week! I didn't chase it up or send another one - no reply was a message in itself. I began to wonder what I'd done wrong to turn him off so completely and suddenly, when on the evening, it had all seemed lovely.
Then out of the blue one evening (over a week after I'd sent my message re dinner), I got a reply apologising for the silence and that he was absolutely heartbroken and had been in a terrible dark place the last few weeks (which would mean before and during our 'date' evening - he didn't seem that bloody heartbroken at the time!!!) and how much he was struggling. He told me he's realised that he's 'head over heels in love and should never have broken up with her' (meaning his previous gf).
Nothing else about me or how I might feel, and no mention of my ignored invite to dinner (the suggested date of which had now passed!) - just the above message. So MNers... if you're still with me, how would you feel if you'd got this message? And what would you have replied? Or what would you have done? Thank you x