Would you let 17 year old DD stay out overnight at boyfriends House.

[Moff2k]

17 year old DD is asking to stay out all night this weekend with a new and her first bf. He is 17 also and they met at 6th form.
She rarely goes out and has given me a big spiel about how I'm being over protective and selfish saying no etc.
I'm divorced and in a 2 year relationship with DP. We don't live together and I often stay the night at his so she is basically saying why shouldn't she.
I'm so paranoid she will end up pregnant or something. I've pushed back but she's so upset and angry with me. I've only met him once, she didn't tell me about him but I tracked her down with a life 360 app the other weekend when she wasn't answering her phone and she was on a bus with him. She was furious with me and he was rude.
Should I start letting her ? I'm scared.

Parenting is instilling the ability to make good choices.
Food
Friends
Education
Money
Sex

At some point with each of those you have to trust them to make those choices for themselves.

So many withering comments.

OP it is scary when your child grows up, it's natural to want to protect them.

You can protect your daughter by keeping the lines of communication open.

It's great that she's asked straight up about staying with this guy.

I think you could perhaps tell her you're not comfortable about it, and why, but that you respect that it's her decision and that you trust her to do the right thing. Also that if for any reason she feels uncomfortable and wants to come home, that's totally fine and won't be a big deal.

She needs you to be proud of her independence rather than trying to restrict it.

She did not respect her mother by not answering her 'phone and letting her mum know where she was. The boyfriend has picked up on that disrespect and was rude.

The boyfriend has picked up on the fact that her mother tracked her down using a phone app.

We have no idea why she didn't answer her phone and we have no idea how many times she was called before her mother "tracked her down".

I have ushered two children through their teen years and am working on the third.

I'm going to bow out now and let all the other 'cool' parents carry on.

It's not about being a "cool parent" it is about mutual trust and respect.

Don't be surprised though if we don't get a thread weeks later about a teenage girl causing her mother more problems

There'll be none of that from me. My three girls are 26, 23 and 19. The 19 year old is now in her second year at a top university. We've had our issues, which I won't go into here, but I never dealt with things by tracking them as 17 year olds. It would have been counterproductive.

Teenagers will find ways to have sex. It's a fact.. I wasn't allowed to stay at my boyfriends until I was 17 but that didn't stop us having sex...

This is the time to build mutual trust and respect, for you to guide her in making good choices, contraception, having boundaries & respect. You want her to be able to talk to you if something goes wrong, she won't if you restrict her. Doing so says: I don't trust you to make the right choice so I need to make it for you.

@50ShadesOfCatholic

So many withering comments.

OP it is scary when your child grows up, it's natural to want to protect them.

You can protect your daughter by keeping the lines of communication open.

It's great that she's asked straight up about staying with this guy.

I think you could perhaps tell her you're not comfortable about it, and why, but that you respect that it's her decision and that you trust her to do the right thing. Also that if for any reason she feels uncomfortable and wants to come home, that's totally fine and won't be a big deal.

She needs you to be proud of her independence rather than trying to restrict it.

Well said, @50ShadesOfCatholic. I’m secretly terrified at the thought of DD (16) being fully sexually active ( she’s not yet, but has had bfs), but I know it’s going to happen at some point so there’s no point fighting it. We’ve talked extensively about contraception, she’s talked to the doctor about the options, and I’ve offered to accompany her to the clinic if she’s ready to move ahead. All you can do is try to ensure that they practice safe sex. It’s going to happen, just as it did for us!