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Relationships

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Original poster

Falling for a married man

119 replies

PeelFrog · 06/12/2021 20:48

Been single for a few years now after end of 23yr marriage. Been chatting to a guy for almost 3 years, found out he was married about a year ago so tried to back off. But I'm absolutely infatuated with him, he's the most perfect guy, huge turn on, recently started to meet and the inevitable happened.... he says his marriage is on the rocks, says its his fault, he cannot stop thinking about me. I feel the same. I know it's not going to end well, I just cannot stop thinking about him and cannot wait to see him, we've been meeting about once a month, until now, seen him twice this week and seeing him again tomorrow. He says he can't get enough of me, I feel the same

OP posts:

custardbear · 07/12/2021 06:53

@PeelFrog

I'm not expecting him to leave his Wife, I'm not stupid. I just love the way he makes me feel. I've had a few very bad years, dont know what I expected, was hoping someone on here has been through this. Only live once, I don't think I can give him up. I'm not cheating on anyone, he's not being forced to see me, he's the one who pursues me, I like it, never had it before

I'd say you have fallen for two guys who love the chase, your ex (and he's starting again with you) and now this chancer ... red flags for all the stuff you didn't know about in the first two years ... you were a slow burner for him I'd suspect, perhaps lining them up, and now he's ramping up with you I may be wrong but doubt it

Vapeyvapevape · 07/12/2021 07:34

I've had a few very bad years, dont know what I expected, was hoping someone on here has been through this

There have been many on here who have been through this and every time it’s been a shitshow. What do you want people to say? That he’s going to leave his wife ? He’s not. That you will be happy? You won’t.

DiamondBright · 07/12/2021 07:34

It sounds like you've been completely wasting your time, for at least two years you you saw him once a month if you were lucky with lots of texting when he was on the toilet or his wife was out of the room, I don't believe you didn't know he was married, you've been the wife you know the signs.

Three years on and he's told enough lies to his wife to get out of the house twice a week !! He gets a shag and then goes home to her.

Maybe think about some therapy to work on your self worth.

Kittykat93 · 07/12/2021 07:46

Does it also turn you on the thought of him fucking his wife and telling her he loves her ?? Cuz that's what he's doing 80 percent of the time..you're just a bit on the side to boost his ego. Crack on love 😂

Mumoblue · 07/12/2021 08:17

🙄

Maybe he makes you happy right now (god knows why- you KNOW he’s not trustworthy)- but ultimately all he’s doing is wasting time you could be putting towards a meaningful relationship with someone who isn’t a cheater.

Aphrodite31 · 07/12/2021 08:23

@Mumoblue

🙄

This.

Oh, and also - because your husband cheated on you and hurt you, you're damaged. Now you get to be the beautiful one who is worth risking a marriage for. You get to be the princess. You get the attention your husband directed to someone else.

That's how it works psychologically.

Go for counselling. You say who cares, why bother about hurting others, why not just submit to the wonderful feelings.

Maybe you don't care. Or maybe you care very deeply.

Bottom line is: this guy has a super high likelihood of hurting you.

Just try counselling at the same time. Try it.

LetHimHaveIt · 07/12/2021 09:31

'Oh, and also - because your husband cheated on you and hurt you, you're damaged. Now you get to be the beautiful one who is worth risking a marriage for. You get to be the princess. You get the attention your husband directed to someone else.'

Nailed it. Absolutely nailed it.

gamerchick · 07/12/2021 09:36

He's taking you for a mug OP. But you'll learn the hard way at some point unfortunately. It never ends well.

Outlyingtrout · 07/12/2021 09:38

If being cheated on left you crushed and suicidal, why on earth would you be a part of somebody else doing that to their wife?

On the one hand this sounds like a made up fantasy. On the other, there are clearly women who do fall for all this clichéd nonsense from married men so who knows 🤷‍♀️

Onthedunes · 07/12/2021 16:13

Op won't be here today, she's on standby for the shag.

Op, the fact that this wonderful man told you his marriage was on the rocks but it's "his fault" shows to me he is still in love with his wife.

He's not blaming her, not saying she is mad, he's not even criticising her to you, to get in your bed.

You are an easy lay and though you don't believe it, this slow burner will have many other characters playing the same part as you.

What makes you trust him? that you are the only one ?
He's convinced you he is a decent bloke, a reputable bloke, you don't know him properly.

Honestly I think you're going to get hurt.

MsDogLady · 07/12/2021 19:28

*Why shouldn’t I be happy, why shouldn’t I be loved…?

You do deserve to be happy and loved. Just not with someone else’s husband. Besides, you’re fooling yourself that he loves and respects you. He deceived you for years that he was single and sneaks around with you for sex. He’s a Player who targeted you and knows you are desperate for his crumbs. You won’t be the only one he’s using.

In addition to knowingly hurting another woman (and likely children), you are doing yourself a grave disservice. You are on a very destructive path.

toolazytothinkofausername · 07/12/2021 19:34

@godmum56

only here for the popcorn

@godmum56 You can share some of mine. It is drizzled with white chocolate and peppermint :D

godmum56 · 07/12/2021 19:50

@toolazytothinkofausername

yum

HairyFanjoBanjo · 07/12/2021 19:54

Facepalm post of the day.

BuildingBlocks1 · 07/12/2021 19:59

Sorry you've had a rough time of it OP with your ex. Hypothetical question, would you want a future with this guy? Or are you happy as things are between the two of you?

I have always thought if I were to get together with someone via having had an affair with them, I could never trust them.

I don't condone affairs, my Dad had one & left my mum & us kids high & dry when he left for the other woman, yet I also know the world isn't black & white & we can't sadly help who
We fall for.

We can make choices around that though. Are you truly happy just being seen as & when this guy can fit you in to his schedule?

NowEvenBetter · 07/12/2021 20:13

Being so desperate to humiliate yourself in person and online must be a kink. 😂

toolazytothinkofausername · 07/12/2021 20:30

[quote godmum56]@toolazytothinkofausername

yum[/quote]
@godmum56 Only the best popcorn during the festive period :D

uhohspaghettiohh · 07/12/2021 20:38

If this is genuine then OP more fool you. You know how it feels to be cheated on and you are going to put that bloke's poor wife through the same. Shame on you. Sounds like limerence. As soon as you heard he was married you should've shut down all communication.

I will judge you, because you should know better.

You do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of someone else's happiness.

IsThePopeCatholic · 07/12/2021 20:40

I feel sorry for you, op. You’ve landed a complete shit of a man and you’ve fallen for his patter. Get a grip and toss him back into the swamp. Recalibrate your moral compass and find someone genuine.

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