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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Falling for a married man

119 replies

PeelFrog · 06/12/2021 20:48

Been single for a few years now after end of 23yr marriage. Been chatting to a guy for almost 3 years, found out he was married about a year ago so tried to back off. But I'm absolutely infatuated with him, he's the most perfect guy, huge turn on, recently started to meet and the inevitable happened.... he says his marriage is on the rocks, says its his fault, he cannot stop thinking about me. I feel the same. I know it's not going to end well, I just cannot stop thinking about him and cannot wait to see him, we've been meeting about once a month, until now, seen him twice this week and seeing him again tomorrow. He says he can't get enough of me, I feel the same

OP posts:
colouringindoors · 06/12/2021 23:26

@StellaGibson118 ❤

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 06/12/2021 23:27

Are you sure he is who he says he is? He deceived you for two years.

fedup65356 · 06/12/2021 23:30

Where has OP @PeelFrog gone?

Yummypumpkin · 06/12/2021 23:34

@fedup65356

Where has OP *@PeelFrog* gone?
She is browsing m and s lingerie so she can feel beautiful and finding other forums who will celebrate her amazing good fortune.
clartins · 06/12/2021 23:49

@PeelFrog

My Husband cheated on me after 20 years of marriage, I know what it does. But I cannot help how I feel. I've never had butterflies or been so excited about meeting someone before. My ex was only my 3rd relationship ever. He's in touch with me everyday, tells me I'm beautiful, says he can't stop thinking about me can't wait to be with me. I've never had that with anyone I'm nearly 52, I think this is the first time I've felt like this about anyone, I'm not getting any younger, I know it's wrong but I just feel alive when I'm with him
Why have you posted when it appears you’ve made your decision. You say you can’t help how you feel which is true but can you trust this man who has been deceiving his wife for some time? Lying appears to come easily to him. You deserve better.
Thewookiemustgo · 06/12/2021 23:52

You’ve only told us what you’re doing, you’ve not asked for advice on anything yet you seem to want to argue with everyone. Goady post at best. Was 52 a typo and you’re actually 12?

oakleaffy · 06/12/2021 23:53

@PeelFrog

My Husband cheated on me after 20 years of marriage, I know what it does. But I cannot help how I feel. I've never had butterflies or been so excited about meeting someone before. My ex was only my 3rd relationship ever. He's in touch with me everyday, tells me I'm beautiful, says he can't stop thinking about me can't wait to be with me. I've never had that with anyone I'm nearly 52, I think this is the first time I've felt like this about anyone, I'm not getting any younger, I know it's wrong but I just feel alive when I'm with him
Sounds like an appallingly~penned ''Mills and Doom'' novel. If he REALLY wanted to be with you, he would be.

He isn't.
He's with his wife whom he is doubtless still having sex with, regularly.

Thewookiemustgo · 06/12/2021 23:55

And tell your mate Libertaire that they should be in bed too. 🙄

Gwrach · 07/12/2021 00:00

.

Bellyups · 07/12/2021 00:01

You’re old enough to know better OP. Especially as you’ve been cheated on. You’ve gone from one cheater to another cheater. Don’t you learn?

Gwrach · 07/12/2021 00:03

Not sure what happened there....apologies.

However OP let me spin you a tale, I once met a man a year or so after the end of my own marriage where ex had cheated on me with anything with a pulse paid for and free it would appear.

Anhoooo, the man, yes, wonderful, charming , made me feel alive would send flowers and dote on me, I truly fell for him.

Turns out he was married and I hadn't a clue till a social Media post for a local club was posted and he was stood there with his wife.

I sent him a very angry message, and blocked him. Never went back.

You do have a choice OP. Stop being a dick.

Onthedunes · 07/12/2021 00:04

Arn't men amazing. No, not enough to lose your moral compass.

Do you really need to make another woman feel pain to be happy yourself.

You are a very unkind woman.
Tell his wife, the damage is done, unforgivable.

MsDogLady · 07/12/2021 00:19

This sounds familiar. Are you by chance the OP who “fell into” a relationship and found out on the 4th date that the guy was married, but proceeded anyway? Her Ex had also cheated on her during their long-term marriage.

Peelfrog, you have jumped from one abusive relationship with a cheating liar to another.

The previous pain you experienced did not buy you a license to harm innocent people for sex and boosts.

You’ve proven to this Loser that he can lie to his wife and lie to you, but you will still worship him and allow him to use you. You were “crushed” before and will be crushed again.

If you are seeking validation here via your mentionitis, I would suggest that you should instead seek counseling to examine your low self-esteem and willingness to diminish yourself.

Udouhun · 07/12/2021 00:42

Oh grow up Hmm this is a terrible idea. What if his wife finds out? Find someone who's single.

DanceInTheKitchen · 07/12/2021 02:27

he's the most perfect guy

😬🤦🏻‍♀️

1forAll74 · 07/12/2021 03:46

People should be aware, that this kind of situation happens all the time, where a man or a woman, can get into a situation, where they become very much attracted to someone else, like the forbidden fruit kind of thing, it will always be happening somewhere or other.

Darkpheonix · 07/12/2021 03:59

@PeelFrog

I dedicated 23 years if my life to my Husband and did everything for him. Had wonderful morals, where did it get me, dumped after 23 years, close to suicide because of him. Crushed. Why shouldn't I be happ, why shouldn't I be loved, he makes me feel like living again. Don't judge me on your standards, you don't choose who you fall for
Why did it hurt so much? Surely your exh and his OW were thinking the same. Why shouldn't they be happy. They didn't choose who they feel for.

Like you they were just pursing their own happiness.

If its not a big deal that you are doing it, it wasn't really a big deal that your husband did it either? So dont get why it bothered you so much

Fleetheart · 07/12/2021 04:08

problem is you are always 2nd best in this situation. xmas, birthdays holidays etc; you will be doing them alone. you need more than this, why would you be 2nd best. tell him to leave his wife and then you will consider going out with him

Buildingthefuture · 07/12/2021 06:27

I’m sorry Op but you are kidding yourself here. He’s just a shagger, plain and simple and you are an easy target. I am utterly astonished that, having had this done to you and saying you were “crushed” that you are happy to do this to someone else? Honestly has your cheating ex affected you so badly that you will lower yourself to his standards? You are an adult, you choose your behaviour.
Do try and dig deep and find your self respect and morals. What YOU are doing is causing someone else horrendous hurt and suffering, willingly and intentionally. Don’t be that person, particularly not for a sad bastard who, I guarantee, will have trotted out these tired cliches a hundred times

Tiredofbs123 · 07/12/2021 06:38

In all other areas of life we’re taught to call out abuse but in the case of cheating you still get people who think it’s best ‘not to get involved’ and allow the abuse of the betrayed spouse to continue. It’s just so utterly depressing.

Yes there might be anger from the betrayed. Say what you need to say and walk away. You’ve given them their right to make choices about their live with the truth in their hands. What if they were planning another baby, he was going to financially throw in his life savings for a business of hers, there are just so many life decisions which could be different if he had all the facts of HIS life.

It’s irrelevant what OPs motives are, for what it’s worth I think she’s asking because she knows what it feels like to have your life choices stolen from you.

Wiglio · 07/12/2021 06:38

OP you are so right when you say this won’t end well
It won’t

Tiredofbs123 · 07/12/2021 06:38

Sorry wrong thread too many open!

Bogeyes · 07/12/2021 06:43

What's it like being the other woman?

Gargellen · 07/12/2021 06:48

Just slidin me arse in next to youse lot with a bucket of popcorn so massive the 900 people behind me won't be able to read the next load of self delusional clart from the OP.

Vapeyvapevape · 07/12/2021 06:51

Budge up @Gargellen I’ll join you