Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Falling for a married man

119 replies

PeelFrog · 06/12/2021 20:48

Been single for a few years now after end of 23yr marriage. Been chatting to a guy for almost 3 years, found out he was married about a year ago so tried to back off. But I'm absolutely infatuated with him, he's the most perfect guy, huge turn on, recently started to meet and the inevitable happened.... he says his marriage is on the rocks, says its his fault, he cannot stop thinking about me. I feel the same. I know it's not going to end well, I just cannot stop thinking about him and cannot wait to see him, we've been meeting about once a month, until now, seen him twice this week and seeing him again tomorrow. He says he can't get enough of me, I feel the same

OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 06/12/2021 21:27

So his marriage is on the rocks and he can't wait to be with you - what are his excuses for not walking out immediately? Staying for the sake of the children? Elderly parents? Wife is ill maybe? The dog ate his suitcase so he can't pack?

He has strung you along for three years already. He is not going to leave his wife. He's enjoying attention from you both.

Cut your losses, cut him out of your life and find someone single and genuine.

Original poster
PeelFrog · 06/12/2021 21:33

I'm not expecting him to leave his Wife, I'm not stupid. I just love the way he makes me feel. I've had a few very bad years, dont know what I expected, was hoping someone on here has been through this. Only live once, I don't think I can give him up. I'm not cheating on anyone, he's not being forced to see me, he's the one who pursues me, I like it, never had it before

OP posts:
EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 06/12/2021 21:34

@PeelFrog

My Husband cheated on me after 20 years of marriage, I know what it does. But I cannot help how I feel. I've never had butterflies or been so excited about meeting someone before. My ex was only my 3rd relationship ever. He's in touch with me everyday, tells me I'm beautiful, says he can't stop thinking about me can't wait to be with me. I've never had that with anyone I'm nearly 52, I think this is the first time I've felt like this about anyone, I'm not getting any younger, I know it's wrong but I just feel alive when I'm with him
Jesus Christ you’re old enough to know better. Stop embarrassing yourself and have some morals.
Tiredofbs123 · 06/12/2021 21:37

You want someone to say how your little highs override the emotional, physical, mental and sexual health of another human being, you’re helping this man abuse his wife of many years. Of course he’s chasing you, it’s a dirty sad, seedy little affair, not a mills and boon love story!

He only needed to find someone as broken as himself to start this and there you were.

Original poster
PeelFrog · 06/12/2021 21:38

I dedicated 23 years if my life to my Husband and did everything for him. Had wonderful morals, where did it get me, dumped after 23 years, close to suicide because of him. Crushed. Why shouldn't I be happ, why shouldn't I be loved, he makes me feel like living again. Don't judge me on your standards, you don't choose who you fall for

OP posts:
Tiredofbs123 · 06/12/2021 21:41

So you’re happy to do that to someone else - lovely!

You’re passing pain on. You KNOW the trauma and you’re passing it on!

I’ll judge you. Quite happily. You just sound selfish and entitled.

HelplesslyHoping · 06/12/2021 21:41

May I recommend therapy? Or tinder?

SunflowerTed · 06/12/2021 21:41

Grow up

Skyll · 06/12/2021 21:43

Catch yourself on op.

DeliaOwens · 06/12/2021 21:44

But you DO choose who you fall for! That is what differentiates us from the animal kingdom.
As real as it feels, you can see behind the curtain and know, deep down, he is saying what he says to get you between the sheets so he can have carefree sexual relations with you. You do know he is also have sec with his wife too, right?

Yummypumpkin · 06/12/2021 21:44

"Was hoping someone had been through the same."

We have.

That's why you're getting the response you are.

This will end terribly but before it ends it will hurt like hell.

The fact your husband doesn't mean the universe owes you one.

If he really liked you? If his marriage was really on the rocks? He'd end it before your next meeting. You know that damn well.

Are you beautiful? Or is he lying?

But you won't ask that.

Because you know you're being spun a line and you're too weak and your life is too empty of good people and good deeds to resist.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2021 21:44

How many other women is he saying all this bullshit to? You're not the only one, I guarantee it. He's playing you for a fool.

Hoppinggreen · 06/12/2021 21:46

You’re an idiot

Labellex · 06/12/2021 21:47

@PeelFrog

I dedicated 23 years if my life to my Husband and did everything for him. Had wonderful morals, where did it get me, dumped after 23 years, close to suicide because of him. Crushed. Why shouldn't I be happ, why shouldn't I be loved, he makes me feel like living again. Don't judge me on your standards, you don't choose who you fall for
Why on earth would you put another woman through this then? I understand it feels great having this attention I really do it feels fun and exciting but it won’t last OP why would you want someone who can disregard his marriage like that? He’s not a good man.
Offside · 06/12/2021 21:47

You will be judged when you’re willing to put a other person through the fallout of an affair knowing how it made you feel. The fact you know how it feels makes this even worse than I’d you hadn’t experienced such betrayal yourself. But if you can live with yourself because YOU feel loved and YOU are happy then you carry on in your selfish ways, this is only going to end one way and it will be your heartbreak all over again.

LetHimHaveIt · 06/12/2021 21:49

Don't judge me on your standards, you don't choose who you fall for

By whose standards should you be judged, then? Surely not your own, given that they're so low as to be down the shitter? You were driven to near-suicide by your husband's affair; what if this twat's wife is moved to do the same?

I'll judge you by your complete inability to finish your posts with a full stop, though, if you'd prefer.

Nedclarity · 06/12/2021 21:53

It’s understandable that you need and want affection after what you’ve been through. Perhaps his marriage is on the rocks, or perhaps he is taking advantage of you - we don’t know. But what we do know is that you deserve better than to get just a small piece of him, while his wife gets the rest. You may enjoy it for a while, but surely if your feelings grow you will be left feeling empty and sad, as you will want more but he won’t be able to give it to you. Even if he does leave his wife, it will be very painful and very messy. And you will likely get more hurt in the end.

merryhouse · 06/12/2021 21:55

I had a bit of a thing with a lovely man when I was young. He was exciting, he was delightful, he was "perfect"... but I was semi-committed elsewhere so I stopped it in its tracks. Spent 15 years occasionally pondering the might-have-been.

Then when we were in our mid-thirties he was imprisoned for secretly taking photos of his teenage pupils getting changed.

fedup65356 · 06/12/2021 21:56

@PeelFrog why have you posted? Are you hoping for support?

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 06/12/2021 21:59

Why should you stop? Hmmmm...Because you are now complicit in behaviour that is going to crush someone and possibly push them close to suicide?

But I think you've posted just to wind people up. Either way, you're selfish and cruel.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 06/12/2021 22:01

He's stringing you along, just like your husband did to his AP. Like thousands of men have done to thousands of women before.....

OakRowan · 06/12/2021 22:03

There's no love in it, at all, you are using your ex,'s bad behaviour to pity yourself, such bratty immaturity to justify being involved in an inappropriate, damaging relationship that is emotional abusing another woman. Shame on you. What about meee, don't I deserve some happiness, some love, he hurt me terribly so now I can behave just as badly. He's a total shit for pursuing you, your beloved married man, you're just as bad for doing along with it. Addicted to the drama, the thrills, the pursuit, the lies. You'll never be happy.

godmum56 · 06/12/2021 22:08

only here for the popcorn

godmum56 · 06/12/2021 22:10

@PeelFrog

I dedicated 23 years if my life to my Husband and did everything for him. Had wonderful morals, where did it get me, dumped after 23 years, close to suicide because of him. Crushed. Why shouldn't I be happ, why shouldn't I be loved, he makes me feel like living again. Don't judge me on your standards, you don't choose who you fall for
you may not choose who you fall for but you can ABSOLUTELY choose what you do about it. And believe me you are not loved and will not end up happy
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:11

Oh dear.

Swipe left for the next trending thread