For context we’d had a few to drink . My DH has a stressful job and yesterday evening he was very emotional which is not usual. We spent a lot of time chatting about it and why his emotional outpouring was long overdue. Went to bed. He initiated sex that didn’t really go anywhere because we were both quite tipsy. After being asleep for a while I had a horrific nightmare. I used to have them and had counselling as a teen. I was raped as a teenager. I haven’t had bad nightmares for ages. According to DH I lept out of bed and cowered in the corner. A vase dropped off a cabinet and hit me on the head . I woke up confused. I’d been asleep and woke up scared and apparently snapped at him but he can’t recall what I said but he shouted to get to bed and stop acting like some silly rape victim. So having had a nightmare I’ve had a bash on the head and some what I consider venomous words that couldn’t have been crueller from the one person who I thought was my world. It’s like I’m looking at someone else. I feel sick. This man is / was my safe space. We’ve kids and grandkids. Maybe it’s raw but at the moment I feel sick to my stomach that I can’t get passed this but the thought of not being together is torture. I’m so conflicted.