I'm 5 weeks down.
I should be proud of myself.
I have backstory on previous thread - he's cohercive controlled me according to my counsellor and has narc tendencies.
Lost his dad to suicide. He was abusive. Very damaged childhood.
The last couple of weeks he's been convinced I have been seeing/messaging someone else. I'm staying at my mums. I'm not doing anything. He's messaged my friends to ask them if they know anything. He turned up at my mums at 5am saying he was having a panic attack and needed me. Thankfully I was asleep and didn't know he had been here. He later said he was having a panic attack but also looking for signs of this man I'm supposed to be seeing. He checks when I'm last online etc.
Last night I thought he was FaceTiming DS but it was actually to check there was no one here. I had to walk around my mums house to prove I was on my own in the house with my dcs. My mum was out.
He says he is ill. He is mentally unwell - I know that but says I should be supporting him through his illness.
This morning he told me he was going on tinder to find someone else. Now he's apologising. Tomorrow he will probably be angry at me. I haven't spoken to him today. His mum has wanted to me to call her, no doubt making excuses for him (she won't admit she played any part in damaging him when he was a child) but I haven't and won't.
I have been grey rock as much as I feel I can. I've been very cold towards him however I still feel he has this massive control over me. I'm hoping in time it will fade.
Not sure what the point of this thread is. Im not asking anything. Im just hurting. I always knew he didn't treat me properly but I loved him all the same. Still do in a way but I won't be going back. He has shown his true colours to a lot of people now.
Just fed up. Had my booster covid jab yesterday too and feel a bit crappy from it. It's all just taken it's toll on me.