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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Text Stalker - what to do?

93 replies

Janos · 17/12/2007 11:52

Some folks may or may not recall I made a post in that weird guy thread about 'forty second rule' man.

Well, I met this man once for coffee, 4 weeks ago for about half an hour. I have had no contact with him apart from that.

Since then I have had texts from him at least 3-4 times a week (often more). It sounds almost silly to complain as they are fairly inoccuous 'How are you, would you like to meet up for a drink'.

I have given no encouragement and not answered any. Now he has stepped things up (phoning - I do not answer). The previous two nights I have been woken at stupid o clock in the morning by texts from this bloke asking to meet up then and there. As I;m on my own with a little boy I found this a bit creepy.

I started off feeling these were an irritation and he would stop. But they haven't, if anything it's got worse and it's all starting to feel a bit sinister.

My friend suggested texting him to say 'Please leave me alone'. I'm worried this contact might encourage him. What should I do?

Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 17/12/2007 11:55

Could you get a new mobile number - total faff I know but sure-fire way to stop getting unwanted texts / calls.

SelfishMrsClaus · 17/12/2007 11:55

I'd ignore him.

But if you think it would help, maybe reply with something like "I think you have the wrong number"

mishytoeandwine · 17/12/2007 11:57

I'm not sure on this one but I think you can contact your provider and ask them to block his number if you report him as a 'nuisance caller'.

yorkshirepudding · 17/12/2007 11:58

Message withdrawn

FoghornLeghorn · 17/12/2007 11:59

I have some spare o2 Sim Cards DH ordered ages ago for some reason, never been opened - am more than happy to send one to you.
email me at [email protected] if you are interested

Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:00

Thanks folks. I am considering the number change. I did ask about getting the number blocked by my provider have said they won't/can't do this.

OP posts:
harleyd · 17/12/2007 12:01

3 or 4 texts a week is hardly stalking
have you actually told him you dont want to hear from him?
tell him, and then if he doesnt get the message, change your number

Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:01

Should be but my provider etc etc..bad typing.

OP posts:
yorkshirepudding · 17/12/2007 12:03

Message withdrawn

MerryPIFFLEmas · 17/12/2007 12:05

I think you somehow need to let him know that you are not interested, then if he still persists, you can go to your phone provuider and askfor asistance#

I was stalked severla yrs ago and orange helped me out a lot

ScarletA · 17/12/2007 12:05

Do you know where he works? I only say because I had something similar with one of my sister's ex boyfriends. I met dp through him at roughly the same time but it didn't work out between him and my sister (me and dp together 10 years soon). Anyway, after they split up, for some reason he started texting me horrible things - usually in the middle of a week night. If I ever was stupid enough to reply, I just got about a million more texts, each worse than the last. After he sent me a picture of a penis (not his!) at 3 am on a Wed night, I had a brainwave.

The next morning at 9am I phoned his work (knowing that he wouldn't be in yet) and spoke to the receptionist. I asked first to speak to him and when she said he wasn't in yet and could she take a message I said that I was the sister of his ex and that for the past 3 weeks he had been sending offensive texts to me in the middle of the night. I described what he'd sent/said, how it made me feel etc and asked her to please tell him to either delete my phone number from his phone or I would report him to the police.

Worked a treat!

If you could find out where he worked or lived, you could do something similar?

robin3 · 17/12/2007 12:07

I'd text a nice message that ends all contact so 'sorry for not responding to your calls but after thinking it through now is not a good time for me to make new friends. Good luck in the future and goodbye.'

Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:07

"3 or 4 texts a week is hardly stalking"

Maybe not to you dharley but I have found it upsetting. As I said above, I have had no contact since going for coffee.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:10

I'm basically going to send the message my friend suggested 'please don't contact me again' and take it from there.

OP posts:
ScarletA · 17/12/2007 12:10

3 or 4 texts is stalking in my book - especially as you have not replied and he therefore has no reason to keep on contacting you. Doing it at night is DEFINITELY weird and wrong, I know how upsetting and scary and angry making it is - I could never sleep afterwards and it ruined my next day.

lou33 · 17/12/2007 12:11

i'd just tell him you are not interested and not reply to any more calls or texts, then he will get the message

my phone provider said they were unable to block a number as well (Orange) when i had a mad text stalker, who sent me 200 messages from fri-sun one weekend

i ended up telling the guy more than once very forcefully to back off, before he got the hint, but he did eventually

harleyd · 17/12/2007 12:11

well if you give your number to someone they most likely will use it
tell him you arent interested
might solve the problem

Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:14

His behaviour is not my responsibilty, is it?

However, thanks to everyone for your advice. I have sent a message and hopefully that will be an end of it.

OP posts:
robin3 · 17/12/2007 12:17

Id give the guy the benefit of the 'thick skin' doubt. A friend of my flatmate once liked me and called a couple of times to ask me out. First time I pretended not to be me (although it would have been obvious it was me as my flatmate was a bloke) and he called back again . Second time I said I was busy for the next 6 months working etc. and he called back 6 months later. In the end I just said sorry no and he never called again.

Also after unsuccessful dates I always gave the wrong mobile phone number...meant I didn't have to decline the request but I never had to speak to them again.

electra · 17/12/2007 12:19

He's out of order, but you do need to tell him directly, once that you don't want to know because at the moment he's probably hanging on to the fact that you met him for coffee, and could be telling himself there is some reason why you haven't been able to text him back!

Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:22

Yes maybe he is extraordinarily thick skinned! I hope so. Anyway have sent a message saying in as polite a way as possible please leave me alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janos · 17/12/2007 12:37

b ScarletA
This has been nowhere near as offensive as what you were subject to, thank god, your situation sounds just awful. What a brilliant response though and something I will consider if he persists.

On what planet do men think it's ok to behave like this? Not all I know just some but....

OP posts:
OhComeLetUsADiorHim · 17/12/2007 13:32

Janos - to be fair, you did not originally tell him you weren't interested. I agree that he must be incredibly thick-skinned not to have got the message, but hopefully now you have told him the truth he will leave you alone!

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 17/12/2007 13:43

sorry but 4 texts a week is not stalking, esp if he's not being nasty and you have not actually told him to stop.

if he persists after you've told him no then I would be more concerned, but at the moment all he's been doing is asking you for a drink and has had no reason to think that you're not interested - for all he knows you could be out of the country or similar.

I hardly think that being asked how you are and would you like to go for a drink is scary. sorry.

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 17/12/2007 13:50

Hang on, yes it is stalking, it is unwanted and inappropriate. Especially at night!

Janos, I hope you have put him off now but if it continues, keep a log of everything, and contact the police. DO NOT reply to any further texts or calls. There is a good website with advice, will try and find it, good luck x

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