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Original poster

Beginning to think there's something wrong with my vagina

95 replies

helloitsme3 · 30/11/2021 18:03

This isn't a joke and a serious worry.

My last partner stopped orgasming when having sex with me about 5 years before the end of the relationship. I tried not to take it personally as I thought he must have a physical or mental issue blocking this as he couldn't cum from anything I did. He was prescribed Viagra and this worked a couple of times but then stopped working. He didn't want to try anymore and the relationship became sexless. We were in our mid to late 20s.

I've started seeing someone new and... he can't cum either. It feels a bit embarrassing ending sex just because we've got bored and he can't orgasm with me.

I'm wondering if maybe there is something wrong with me inside. I don't want to see the dr yet as I've never heard of this before and they may think I'm on another planet.

I haven't had children and only a couple of sexual partners before.

OP posts:
Original poster
helloitsme3 · 30/11/2021 18:04

And just to add, I would like to have children someday but beginning to wonder if that would even be possible.

OP posts:
Wotsitsits · 30/11/2021 18:07

Much more likely explanation is porn-induced ED. In the men. Not you!

"Death grip" is a real thing.

I had a few exes who had the death grip issue. One could only get off with something in his bum.

Notice I said "exes"

Pleaseaddcaffine · 30/11/2021 18:12

Antidepressants can do it too. Some it's a know side effect not on a bith to get hard but on ability to reach climax.

MintJulia · 30/11/2021 18:14

It could be porn or depression or high blood pressure.

Don't take it personally. Just move on. Smile

Babyiskickingmyribs · 30/11/2021 18:14

Nah. They probably just watch too much porn and have given themselves Erectile dysfunction.

Outlyingtrout · 30/11/2021 18:18

@Wotsitsits has it. It is far, far likelier that these men are porn addicts who cannot achieve orgasm any other way than masturbation to pornography. Having conditioned themselves to respond to very particular visual cues and probably very vigorous touch, they are no longer able to achieve orgasm or maintain an erection through normal sex with a partner.

I believe that some men claim to have been cured of their addiction and "death grip" with lengthy period of therapy etc but I certainly wouldn't allow myself to be a rehabilitation centre for a porn hound.

Chuck him back, OP. Whatever the issue (porn addiction, ADs, personal issues), this one will destroy your self esteem.

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 30/11/2021 18:31

I think it’s much more likely that both these men had an issue and you tolerated it.
You seem far too young to put up with these issues. Move on from the 2nd guy too.

CherryAndAlmond · 30/11/2021 18:34

Porn addiction
Anti depressants
Depression
Smoking lots of weed.
Various medications - strong painkillers etc.

All about them. Not you.

pinkfondu · 30/11/2021 18:35

Op I promise it is not you. Just unfortunately 2 in a row

Suprima · 30/11/2021 18:36

Porn addiction, both

2LitreBottle · 30/11/2021 18:49

Agree with all of these points.

FWIW my DP doesn’t like to finish inside me as he feels “guilty”, so would rather move to something else for the final furlong! He always makes sure I’m done first, then he usually gets a handy or BJ at the end. Less mess, less risk of pregnancy and we’re both happy. Very occasionally when he’s 100% sure I’m up for it then he’ll do it, but mostly just says he will to make me happy and then once I’m done I don’t really care Grin

His may also have had an element of porn induced death grip I imagine, in the early days, but these days he says he’s all but given up on it as it’s just not as good as the real thing.

I’m not saying you need to tolerate this, just that it can have advantages too, so if the rest of the relationship is good you can work around this.

Signalstation · 30/11/2021 20:27

It's definitely not you OP. Without being too graphic here, couldn't you just examine yourself to put your mind at rest?

SixQuidGames · 30/11/2021 20:39

Porn and death grip. I dated someone a long time ago who couldn’t come through sex and I always thought it was my fault until I read about it more recently.

Notashandyta · 30/11/2021 20:39

Not you. Porn. Very common.

Look at the no fap site. Full of blokes fighting a porn/ masturbation addiction,most of which have led to an inability to get or keep an erraection or come with a real life woman.

Really sad for all involved

Notashandyta · 30/11/2021 20:39

Excuse all the typos there!

Colourmeclear · 30/11/2021 20:43

Me and my partner were sexless for a while and he had this issue when we started back up again. He stopped porn and pleasuring himself for three weeks and we haven't looked back (apart from a few days where he is dehydrated).

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/11/2021 20:43

Porn. Or possibly medical, but probably porn.

There won’t be a thing wrong with your vagina, but if you are worried, pop along to a sexual health clinic - they will out your mind at rest.

SixQuidGames · 30/11/2021 20:45

I thought there was something wrong with me too and he certainly was happy to let me think that.

At the time, I’d never heard of death grip or the problems caused by it. He was very into porn and I was pretty much indifferent to it but went along with him as we were in an LDR. It was only the fact he was unable to finish unless he did it himself when we met in person that made me think wtf.

jakesthing · 30/11/2021 21:02

Man here! I recognise myself in some of the previous comments unfortunately. I just wanted to say it is more likely that there is something wrong with the guy's anatomy!

For me yes there's been porn addiction which started in puberty. But once I recognised that, I became aware of physical issues that I'd been avoiding dealing with too. My 'banjo string'/frenulum is too short, pulling down the glans when fully erect, and my foreskin is slightly too tight.

So ejaculation has tended to be painful and I've found it hard to get/keep an erection that would be sufficient for penetration or for me to ejaculate pleasurably. I'd either not get a full erection, or I'd have an erection but no sensation and couldn't ejaculate (since subconsiously I knew it'd be painful).

I've spent most of my life single and ploughing my furrow, so to speak, to pornography. I'm only now consciously aware of the physical aspect of my problem and due to meet an NHS urologist in the new year, then face whatever the waiting list is.

So... That's just my experience, but it's more likely to be the guys that have the issue, whether physical, mental, or more likely both. And quite understandable that you'd NEXT them if it's not a serious relationship and they're not prepared to address it.

TheFoundations · 30/11/2021 21:03

Have you talked to him about it? If so, what did he say? If not, what stops you?

Sonaftersonafterson · 30/11/2021 21:05

Hugely unlikely to be anything physically wrong with you.

More likely, you have had some bad luck here and tried to have sex with two men who have issues of their own. Probably porn.

What was the sex like? Did they seem into it? Did you? Was it fun (despite it eventually getting boring)... just thinking maybe it could be there was no proper sexual connection with these guys and it just didnt flow naturally (no pun intended).

honeylulu · 30/11/2021 21:14

It's not you. This issue is surprisingly common in my limited experience. First two sexual partners couldn't climax with me (well the second did eventually with perseverance). 3, 4, 5 had no issue. Then no 6 we had a relationship of 2.5 years and he couldn't climax from PIV. No 7 (husband of 26 years - no such problem). I stayed friends with no 6 for quite a while and the issue persisted into his later relationships and his wife insisted he saw a doctor. They eventually had a child (singular) so either they got it sorted or had fertility treatment.

Of those 1 and 2 likely suffered effects of alcohol and desentisation from condoms (which I insisted on). No 6 was a virgin and nerves and death grip no doubt played a role.

Hattiehoops · 30/11/2021 22:03

It’s porn. When I became single a few years ago I found that this happened with a couple of younger men I slept with. My ex (30 years old) and current boyfriend (34) never had/don’t have this problem. I was briefly sleeping with a younger man (23) who had the issue, we were friends first so I felt quite comfy around him. After a few times of him not being able to come I just asked him what the deal was. He told me that it’s so common with his age group, he believes they’ve all desensitised their dicks through too much porn and now need real vigorous rubbing/gripping to be able to cum. He said he knew a couple of guys who could only finish with a hand job. I had never had this issue or heard of this in my LIFE up until this point. A few months later it happened again with a different man, I couldn’t believe it. Again, the guy was in his early twenties. Too much easy access to porn. I am sad for younger men as the issue will just become more prevalent now everyone has smart phones and can view porn with such ease.

P.s: don’t persevere with a guy who has this problem, it’ll destroy your self esteem and frustrate the sh*t out of you. Find yourself a decent man who also knows what he’s doing in the bedroom!!

Notashandyta · 30/11/2021 22:03

@jakesthing

My ex had a similar problem, except it was a very tight foreskin and he ended up getting a circumcision, which was a game changer for him tbh. Not a nice thought but no more pain during intercourse so totally worth it for him
Still porn induced issues now and then, but that's a separate issue...

IamGusFring · 01/12/2021 00:59

@Signalstation

It's definitely not you OP. Without being too graphic here, couldn't you just examine yourself to put your mind at rest?
Come on ! She doesn't need to look up her fanny because a couple of partners couldn't ejaculate 😂 What should she be looking for ?
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