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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beginning to think there's something wrong with my vagina

95 replies

helloitsme3 · 30/11/2021 18:03

This isn't a joke and a serious worry.

My last partner stopped orgasming when having sex with me about 5 years before the end of the relationship. I tried not to take it personally as I thought he must have a physical or mental issue blocking this as he couldn't cum from anything I did. He was prescribed Viagra and this worked a couple of times but then stopped working. He didn't want to try anymore and the relationship became sexless. We were in our mid to late 20s.

I've started seeing someone new and... he can't cum either. It feels a bit embarrassing ending sex just because we've got bored and he can't orgasm with me.

I'm wondering if maybe there is something wrong with me inside. I don't want to see the dr yet as I've never heard of this before and they may think I'm on another planet.

I haven't had children and only a couple of sexual partners before.

OP posts:
ThisismyChristmasnom · 01/12/2021 13:51

There's nothing wrong with your vagina.
What's the common denominator? You. That's right.
It's the type of man you go for. Are they nice guys? Quiet/introverted? Whatever qualities you go for in men. That'll be the answer.
P.S. Not saying all nice guys, all quiet/introverted guys struggle to cum, just to clarify, just using that as an example Grin

ThisismyChristmasnom · 01/12/2021 13:52

Oh, and porn as well. That is to blame. Seriously.

TarasCrazyTiara · 01/12/2021 14:03

@Outlyingtrout

I am the one without an agenda giving OP advice based on multiple possibilities. It is you and others who have the clear agenda which is why you can make the (impossible to know) verdict of “death (lol) grip”.

How is that remotely misogynistic? That is such a pointless buzz word on this site, don’t agree with me your “misogynistic”. Well I don’t give a shit if it has no meaning.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 01/12/2021 14:05

Definitely porn if they've both been into it. Its kind of sad, but also quite good these types of men are removing themselves from them gene pool. Best to clear from now on, no men who pay to rape or watch paid rape. The males who are not involved in either are simply a better class of human being from the ones that do. fightthenewdrug.org/

RainLol · 01/12/2021 14:21

[quote Ohsugarhoneyicetea]Definitely porn if they've both been into it. Its kind of sad, but also quite good these types of men are removing themselves from them gene pool. Best to clear from now on, no men who pay to rape or watch paid rape. The males who are not involved in either are simply a better class of human being from the ones that do. fightthenewdrug.org/[/quote]
I agree, but that leaves about 0,000002% men, not enough for all the women who want to date/date men.

ThisismyChristmasnom · 01/12/2021 14:23

@RainLol not true

twinkletoesbluesky · 01/12/2021 14:29

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, maybe he can't climax from just normal sex. Maybe try talking dirty to him when you next have sex and see if it makes a difference. I guess some men need to be stimulated in a certain way. Can you get him to cum in other ways e.g oral or hands?

Handsnotwands · 01/12/2021 14:40

Be more porny you mean TwinkleToes?

TheFoundations · 01/12/2021 14:50

@twinkletoesbluesky

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, maybe he can't climax from just normal sex. Maybe try talking dirty to him when you next have sex and see if it makes a difference. I guess some men need to be stimulated in a certain way. Can you get him to cum in other ways e.g oral or hands?
I think it would make more sense to ask him what he wants and decide whether you want do it. Everybody needs to be stimulated in a certain way. Everyone is different. If you can't talk about sex, or at least communicate what you want, then the question is why are you engaging in sexual activities together in the first place?
TarasCrazyTiara · 01/12/2021 14:51

@twinkletoesbluesky

This is actually a good point. We probably need a bit of info on the sex OP is having and how into it she is and aware of how to please men.

Monalotmoore · 01/12/2021 14:56

And yet not once does the op mention porn has any link with her situation and you all go on a massive anti porn crusade. You people do like to let your imaginations run riot lol

RainLol · 01/12/2021 14:58

[quote ThisismyChristmasnom]@RainLol not true[/quote]
Hey, I hope you are right, but the men who don’t watch (never was into it/ haven’t stopped just because it broke their dicks) porn/ haven’t use sex workers, really does seem to be a very small pool.

I know because it’s my dealbreaker, I get laughed at.

SealHouse · 02/12/2021 11:48

@Pinkbucket

OP ignore the Tara I’m pretty sure she /he is a troll like others have said

Porn can definately be a cause as can several other factors . One things that is almost certainly not the issue , is your vagina

Agree re Tarascrazytiara. A quick perusal of this person's posting history sees them wading in frequently across threads dishing out advice and opinions from a position of extreme ignorance and with a large dose of misogyny included.
2LitreBottle · 02/12/2021 23:48

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@twinkletoesbluesky

This is actually a good point. We probably need a bit of info on the sex OP is having and how into it she is and aware of how to please men.[/quote]
Yeah, no... we don't really need any more info about how eager the OP is to please men.

The likelihood is the OP's vagina is fine - they're pretty forgiving things generally, stretching to accommodate as needed and snapping back to size pretty easily, as you will no doubt be aware - being a woman and all. I've pushed three huge babies out of mine and it's still fine.

But something either mental or physical is stopping her DP from orgasming through PIV. It may be that she's a bit looser than he's used to (or he has a small penis). It may be excessive wetness (unlikely to be dryness or tightness as OP would find that equally uncomfortable if not more so).

But more likely is that he has some mental block, either guilt, a distrust of contraception, or that he's conditioned himself to orgasm in a certain way.

It happens to many of us, I know women who can only cum in certain positions, using hands or toys, lying on their front etc. It's not unusual for women to be unable to cum through PIV, so no reason to be too alarmed that a man has a preference. I imagine that handys and BJs are easier because the focus is all on them, whereas with PIV they're having to do some actual work at the same time, so can't be 100% focussed on their own pleasure.

I know from my own experience (I'm not anti porn) that if I've watched stuff for a few nights in a row I will struggle to climax without it, so have to put myself on a ban for a while and try to get back to using my imagination. I also note a huge difference between DIY orgasms and ones my DP gives me (his are 100 x better!) so all orgasms are not created equal, the mental stimulation and fantasy aspect has a huge bearing on the quality of the climax.

me4real · 03/12/2021 00:57

I've had my own 'pattern' -mine is that I've had a lot of partners who've had ED, even when they/we were quite young. I try not to think it could be me. Smile

It's not you @helloitsme3 , I mean you could speak to a doctor for reassurance if you like, but there's no reason why it would be.

me4real · 03/12/2021 01:04

We probably need a bit of info on the sex OP is having and how into it she is and aware of how to please men.

@TarasCrazyTiara Healthy, normal men don't tend to need women to make massive amounts of effort to do stuff to make them stay hard and come. They might appreciate extra stuff we do, but they can come just from penetrative sex or whatever, and get hard in the run up to and during it. If a bloke needs us to jump through hoops for him to be able to stay hard and come that's not quite right- unless maybe they're older or have severe health problems.

Wokemon · 03/12/2021 01:22

Deffo the blokes, it's a pretty new thing, well since the advent of internet porn. More prevalent in those 35+ in my experience. Imo this is going to be an epidemic in the future, really doesn't help male/female relationships.

Women will be giving up on the duds in droves.

NewlyGranny · 03/12/2021 01:52

A sample of two is not significant. It's highly unlikely to impossible that there's anything wrong with you; highly likely to almost certain that the two examples are both porn addled.

We'll be lucky if the species continues. I'd look for someone a little older who didn't start with porn before puberty. 🙄

ThousandsOfTulips · 03/12/2021 01:56

@helloitsme3

This isn't a joke and a serious worry.

My last partner stopped orgasming when having sex with me about 5 years before the end of the relationship. I tried not to take it personally as I thought he must have a physical or mental issue blocking this as he couldn't cum from anything I did. He was prescribed Viagra and this worked a couple of times but then stopped working. He didn't want to try anymore and the relationship became sexless. We were in our mid to late 20s.

I've started seeing someone new and... he can't cum either. It feels a bit embarrassing ending sex just because we've got bored and he can't orgasm with me.

I'm wondering if maybe there is something wrong with me inside. I don't want to see the dr yet as I've never heard of this before and they may think I'm on another planet.

I haven't had children and only a couple of sexual partners before.

Also "stopping because you are both bored" makes me wonder what these men are doing! If they can't climax surely they should be making you orgasm repeatedly so you wouldn't be bored for quite some time!
ThousandsOfTulips · 03/12/2021 02:02

They really should warn teenage boys in sex education that porn and wanking can leave them with ED so that they know what they are getting into.

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