Literally don’t understand what I’ve done wrong

[Aperolsprizter]

Hello,
Just a little thing I’ve been ruminating on for a week or so and wanted some help.
About two months ago, I met a guy through working in a coworking space. We chatted and ended up really getting on. This progressed to flirting, him buying me tiny gifts (like bars of chocolate etc), giving me lifts, we went for drinks with others who work around us (it’s a smallish workspace so we’ve all ended up getting on). It’s all been very pleasant. He followed me on social media and started liking all my stuff, as you do, and I thought it was progressing nicely.

We text a little bit and again, all very nice, he’s very complimentary and said I was great, just generally nice things and chat. When I saw him in person in the workspace it felt more tense in a good way, this carried on when we went for drinks and eventually we ended up kissing and sleeping together one evening.

Long story short, immediately afterwards his actions changed - he seemed quite sad and regretful (I get this after a ONS) and then I asked him on a date and he said no and he was sorry if he’d given me that impression.

My question is why all the effort for one evening? It’s been months, others noticed it, I just find it a bit bizarre and I wondered if anyone had experienced this? I didn’t do anything weird I don’t think. Maybe a thrill of the chase type thing?

I have to see him again and I don’t know how to brazen out the fact I’ve been vulnerable and then rejected 😬

I probably would have, but I think that you get into a different mental space, especially when navigating things afterwards. I just prefer to know where I stand from the outset and I think when you’re flirting, you can still make that clear (or not talk about desperately wanting a nice girlfriend to share your life with)

Just as an update he got off with another coworker in front of me last night bullet dodged

@Aperolsprizter Thanks for coming back to update us. He really does sound like a player now! Glad to hear you're sounding more philosophical. I think you were just really unlucky to have that experience with him. There will be other better guys out there when you're ready.

@Aperolsprizter

Just as an update he got off with another coworker in front of me last night bullet dodged

Wow, what a teenage boy he is.

He's either already attached, or more likely given what you've written, he is a player & has simply chalked you up as an ego stroking notch on his bed post. He basically conned you, to prove to himself he could bd you, as he's a sad little immature feck.

Think of it as a lucky escape & a shag & move on

Oops, updates just loaded.

Definitely a saddo player. Definitely bullet dodged

He wanted sex he got sex. Or maybe he liked you and it's all a bit awkward for him now, whatever it is he's made it clear he doesn't want anything else to happen so I wouldn't waste any time worrying about it. The making you wait 2 days is rude. I'd be pissed off with that but he obviously isn't good at openly communicating what he wants. You did nothing wrong so I wouldn't let it bother you at work. Be polite and friendly with him, as you are the others and that's it.
I don't particularly think he did anything wrong either. He just didmt want to take it any further. I'm assuming you slept with him because you wanted to, he slept with you because he wanted to. Neither of you are obliged to offer more than that at this stage. Chalk it up to a bit of fun and crack on.

Nothing worse than a fuckboy who sells himself as a good guy.

@Aperolsprizter a bullet definitely dodged but hurtful all the same xx

It is not you, he is a user. Try not to give him another moment's thought although I know that is easier said than done.

I regret the years I wasted wondering what has gone on in a man's head, why they treated me so poorly and it is a waste of time.

Unfortunately there are a lot of men out there like this guy.

They like the chase, it’s part of the thrill so they will put the effort in and make you feel special, until they achieve their goal.
It’s got nothing to do with your appearance or personality- it’s a game.
You did nothing wrong - he’s going to have a very sad life.

Sorry OP. It was a shitty thing of him to do and very manipulative.

I think you may have been one of his 'plates'. Some guys call this "spinning plates" where they try to string along several women till they get what they want from them and then they drop them.

It consists of many of the things you mentioned like gifts, drinks, lifts, flirting, pretending to care. They think this is all a downpayment for the sex they later expect to get and they feel no shred of guilt over any of this.

You've not done anything wrong He got what he wanted from you so is not putting the effort into chasing you any more. I would f be surprised if he had a partner. Sorry

He enjoyed the chase and got his end result. Sorry you feel hurt by this op but sadly there are many men like this.

@Aperolsprizter

Just as an update he got off with another coworker in front of me last night bullet dodged

Yikes!

He's an arse (and you sound lovely). Chin up

Don’t let him knock your confidence

Wow! Going to bed with someone is taking it a bit further than ‘giving them the wrong impression!’ Not your fault in any way. He could have worries about the fact you are colleagues, he could have a general issue with intimacy and relationships, whatever it is he sounds like too much hard work to fathom and you sound far too good for him. Another possibility is he’s trying the tired old tactic of making himself unavailable only to appear again weeks or months later with compliments and so on.

Oh just read your update. What an immature twat! Yes, bullet dodged all right.

Ugh it sucks to be in this position because you just have to deal with it. By “holding your head up high” aka pretending you’re not completely gutted to have been wooed into being vulnerable with them. If you ask him, you’re branded as desperate or crazy.

@Aperolsprizter

Just as an update he got off with another coworker in front of me last night bullet dodged

Oh gross.

@Aperolsprizter

Just as an update he got off with another coworker in front of me last night bullet dodged

I am glad you took that approach. This sort of thing happened to me in the past. I would have been in tears and waited for my next "chance" with him. I had no conception of boundaries. You did the right thing.