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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel if your partner called you...

123 replies

Notonthenewrug · 21/11/2021 17:49

Repulsive?

Bit of a back story (too much to go into). I'm 34, he's 52. Got a DC 2 years and both a child from previous marriage.

Partner not been particularly helpful and supportive in the past. Continually talks over me, addicted to his phone and interupts me to pick up his phone. If I raise any issues it ALWAYS ends up with him saying I have mental health issues and need therapy. It doesn't matter what the disagreement is.

I've stopped talking to him about life in general because he's not particularly interested (can't listen and interupts). If I try and raise an issue he always shout at me.

Had an argument last week. Basically he's constantly attached to his phone (plays a lot of games) and I was fed up of him more interested in his phone than me. Same when with our toddler. Also, he made a comment about being "stuck" here. He says things like that a lot- he's stuck here and it upset me.

I then said if he's messaging other women to be honest so I can move on because whoever is on his phone is evidently more interesting than I am. He went nuts that I could ever think he would cheat (his ex cheated and he says he never would). Shouting at me I'm mental and insecure and need help. I kept asking him to stop shouting, I was very calm and did not raise my voice. He proceeded to tell me I was mental because I was shouting- however I never did.

This is awful but our 2 year old was there, so I kept asking him not to shout at me and said we can have a discussion and resolve issues without shouting, as it's conducive. He kept shouting that if I didn't apologise for saying he's chatting, then he'd leave (said it around 10 times and didn't leave).

As he was raising his voice our son was shouting, I said please stop shouting DS does not like it. I then picked him.up and he said 'ypure just like my ex using our son as a human shield". I genuinely wasn't, I picked him up because he was upset, whilst calmly telling my partner not to shout at me.

He kept saying he can't believe how mental I am and he's fed up of me being a miserable bitch (basically he makes me feel shit and because I know I can't talk to him without being shouted at, I withdraw). He started shouting that I'm repulisve and I could stand naked in front of him.and he wouldn't care because I repulse him. I said that was an awful thing to say and I feel like he doesn't care and he said he doesn't care about me and I'm repulsive. Anyway I basically left the room and cried. He then came to hug me before he went to work but I told him to leave me alone and repeated he didn't mean to say he's stuck here, he just meant he's here because he has to be...made me feel no better.

He then went to have his son the weekend at his dad's (was always the plan) and I went to my mum's (as planned).
He sent messages but I barely replied. To be honest I feel so upset. It's one thing saying I'm a bitch but saying he doesn't care and I'm repulsive was so personal and I'd never speak to him that way.

He's due home in an hour and I just don't know what to say.

OP posts:
babouchette · 21/11/2021 22:14

I genuinely do not understand how you can say you love someone who has spoken to you like this in front of your child.

Do you want to wait until your child fully comprehends these kinds of arguments? You need to leave him now. He is abusive and you are not protecting your child from the emotional damage he is doing.

Franklyfrost · 21/11/2021 22:17

Maybe he’s a catch and you’ve not his superpowers. Failing that, why would you want someone who shouts at you and insults you to find you attractive?

Pascal80 · 21/11/2021 22:31

A nasty twat, an18 year age difference, a failed marriage behind him, the wrong side of 50, a shit ''partner'' and a right boring bastard as well - What the fuck are you doing, OP? Get sorted and get yourself out of this situation - come on.

DuchessOfDisaster · 21/11/2021 22:35

Is he the doctor addicted to gaming we've read about before?

Geppili · 21/11/2021 23:04

Get rid pronto!

Natty13 · 21/11/2021 23:04

I've read all your other threads. Why keep posting when you won't take any advice? Your poor son growing up like this.

At this point you are a willing participant in your own misery.

FrostedCupcakes · 21/11/2021 23:23

This is abuse. Please leave.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/11/2021 23:25

Your post is really alarming.

Do you have anyone you can go to, now?

You can’t stay with this man.

EarthSight · 21/11/2021 23:26

So.........where's the relationship here??

Are you considering staying with him He sounds awful, and part of the reason why he's awful is this -

I'm 34, he's 52

I don't think it's far fetched to say that some men go for much younger women because they think they're easy to impress and easy to dominate. They don't like too much backchat or personality.

DuchessOfDisaster · 21/11/2021 23:39

You need therapy to work out why you think you are so worthless that you convince yourself you love "A nasty twat ... [with] a failed marriage behind him, the wrong side of 50, a shit ''partner'' and a right boring bastard as well" to paraphrase @Pascal80 above. And exposing your child to it.

With all the energy you have wasted writing on here about it over and over and over, trying to please a complete waste of space and thinking about it and bleating "but I love him" you could have made serious plans to get this twonk out of your life and moved on.

bubbleblower85 · 22/11/2021 00:08

With all due respect OP you have some serious self esteem and self worth issues if you want to be with this piece of canine excrement!!

If you don't love yourself at this moment please love your innocent son and save him from this toxic environment by leaving, he doesn't deserve (neither do you) to be in this situation.

If you make and carry on making threads about his abusive behaviour then you obviously realise this 'relationship' isn't healthy, so take the next step and ends it.

You are still so young (although no one of any age should stay in these abusive situations), you have lot more to live. Do you honestly see anything improving, can you honestly carry on like this for years to come?

What will you and your children gain and what will you lose by staying with this turd?

What will you and your children gain and lose by leaving this turd?

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 22/11/2021 00:09

He’s gaslighting you and a bully. You and your tot deserve so much better. X

Bogeyes · 22/11/2021 04:22

You deserve better. He will ruin your life...actually he is ruining your life at the mo

alienbaby · 22/11/2021 06:32

You're not seriously considering having another child with this man are you (other thread)? Please god no OP. Stop having children with this man.

TheWeeDonkey · 22/11/2021 06:53

@Notonthenewrug

The worse thing is that before he came back I made an extra effort to do my hair and make up and put on a nice dress- because I didn't want him to find me repulsive!
Bloody hell. This is not about you, it not. Can't you see that? He is a damaged man and you are his emotional punch bag. He won't change, why should he?

Stop prioritising this man and put you and your children first. If you think you are doing your children a favour by allowing them to stew in this toxic mess then let me tell you this weekend will feel like a spa break.

MondayYogurt · 22/11/2021 07:41

What do you think of these replies OP?

Newnameagainagainagain · 22/11/2021 08:49

You are being abused OP. Please take a look at the Freedom Program

SewingBees · 22/11/2021 08:51

Time to make plans to leave.

vanree361 · 23/11/2021 00:31

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vanree361 · 23/11/2021 00:31

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50ShadesOfCatholic · 23/11/2021 00:36

No you don't love him, that isn't love, it's co-dependency.

Real love is respectful and mutual.

He is a disgusting pig and if there is one thing you can do for yourself and your son it is to leave this jerk's sorry arse.

Oh why do so many women settle for utterly awful menu?!

Snugglybuggly · 23/11/2021 00:37

LTB

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