Too high expectations or am I an idiot?

[ScorpioTwinkle1]

Hi Fellow Mumsnetters

I've been contemplating posting this but just feel so low.

I have been seeing someone who is 37 and still lives at home.
I am 36, live on my own and self sufficient.
Whilst I am somewhat ok that he still lives at home (maybe I've convinced myself I am), he has some emotional, mental issues I think, but I'm not sure exactly as he has not been forthcoming about this.

I have noticed the following:

1. He cannot talk about any sensitive subjects such as the future or having kids etc. He gets anxiety and then starts crying about any subject too serious. Which means the convo has to be kept light all the time or nothing about moving a relationship forward.
2. If he doesn't like something I say, he gets really arsy and shouts at me and then gives me the silent treatment for weeks until I make contact even though I haven't done anything wrong.
3. We can't go out because he only likes eating certain basic things and I like Michelin star dining

I feel so low right now because friends tell me I'm always settling for less than I deserve when I'm successful, intelligent and attractive(been told) but I feel like always such an idiot for constantly going for these types and I don't know why?

Am I expecting too much? What am I doing???

What do I do if he contacts me? I have a feeling he might do over the next few days

@ScorpioTwinkle1

What do I do if he contacts me? I have a feeling he might do over the next few days

Ignore him. Or if you like tying up loose ends for closure, just text him that you are both incompatible and not well suited so best to end it here as there can be no future. Wish him well then delete him and move on. Ignore any pleading or apologising from him as that still won't change the fact you have nothing in common and he repulses you.

Do you really want to spend the next 50 years of your life with this man? If the answer is anything but a resounding NO, I would block him and look into some counselling - to stop you going back to him out of loneliness. If you still haven't heard from someone supposed to be your bf, I would assume he really isn't that bothered if the relationship continues or not - so really, he's made that decision for you.

Run don't walk.

Shouting, silent treatment, avoiding conversations, crying, picky eater.... what a gem. You're dating a toddler.

@ScorpioTwinkle1

What do I do if he contacts me? I have a feeling he might do over the next few days

'Thanks for the time we've spent together. I'm not happy in this relationship, though, so I've decided to end it here. Good luck for the future.'

If he wants to know more, I'd try to avoid getting drawn into a discussion, but if you actively want to give him reasons, start them with 'I'. If you say to him 'You don't treat me well', he can try to defend himself. If you say 'I don't like the way you treated me', then any defense he offers can simply be met with 'Yes, but I personally didn't like it', and there's no argument against that.

'I'm ending the relationship because I don't want to date someone who eats crisps'
'But I only ate one crisp during the entire relationship!'
'Yes. I didn't like it, so I'm ending the relationship'
'But it wasn't even my crisp! It was Bob's. he offered it to me!'
'Yes. I didn't like it, so I'm ending the relationship.'

etc etc.

But do bear in mind that he's treated you poorly, and even if he hadn't you're not obliged to explain anything to him.

Oh my goodness OP, you've done brilliantly.

If he contacts you, simply say 'This just isn't working for me' and leave it at that.

You are awesome for finally recognising that you deserve more than this entitled, indulged man. In a relationship, there has to be effort and a desire to make the other person happy - there is none of that. The more you share about him, the worse he is and you're right to leave him behind.

Your mother, with the best of intentions I'm sure, has made you feel that having standards is a bad thing. Please know how very wrong she is.