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Original poster

Red Flags

107 replies

summer151 · 10/11/2021 14:20

I just want to throw this out there to see if people think this is strange behaviour.. I Have been seeing someone for the last 2 months. I just feel things are a bit off..he has made a lot of comments about my clothes. He more or less said I have no style and photos I have shown him he says things like "what the hell are u wearing there" I got my hair cut a few week ago and he said he didn't like it and to let it grow again as it doesn't suit me.. His friends sister is a stylist and he asked her would she be able to meet me to advise me what to wear., I feel he is trying to help as I have said to him I am in a rut regards my clothes. I am a single mum to 2 primary aged kids and have been for nearly 4 years and don't have the time or money to spend on myself. I feel like I am not good enough to be with him as I am so unstylish. He said I would look better with nice clothes long hair and fake tan. He showed me a picture of his newly single friend and said how good she looked. I mean she was plastered in make up fake tan, best of clothes, boobs out etc and said how lovely she was and there must be something wrong with the fella that broke up with her as she looked so lovely.. it just makes me feel I am not enough for this man and I never will be so I'm thinking about just finishing up with him

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 10/11/2021 21:13

@galacticpixels

He hasn't been hurt by them OP. He's done exactly what he's doing to you and they decided not to put up with it. You shouldn't put up with it either.
This. Plus, he wants you to look like a porn star.
BudrosBudrosGalli · 10/11/2021 21:19

Tell him you are doing a style makeover by getting a better DP.

Mind you, I'd also send him some images of stylish, good looking well-groomed men and tell him that is what you are after. But then I am revelling in my pettiness... Grin

Squeezyhug · 10/11/2021 21:29

OMG red flags galore !!
He’s not been hurt by women, they just haven’t put up with him and dumped him or he’s just telling fibs.
He a controlling arsehole who has issues with women. Even if you turned into a supermodel he would still find reason to criticise you. You will never be good enough.
Men like him get kicks from sitting back and watching you trying to step up to the mark then they find something else wrong with you. You’ll just exhaust yourself trying to please him and further damage your self esteem.
Thank goodness he’s unmasked himself only 2 months into the relationship !
Get rid of him ASAP and enjoy being single. The right man should respect you and like you for who you are.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/11/2021 21:33

Run like the wind!

FlowerArranger · 10/11/2021 21:39

Didn't texts use to have a maximum of 40 words? That's plenty!

No need for any explanations, let alone justifications.

Blindleadingtheblind · 10/11/2021 21:45

Who made him Gok Wan?

Just tell him that personally you prefer your guys with a bit more going on in the brain department and not some shallow fuckwit who thinks women have to look a certain way to be worthy. Then tell him the fuck off signs are that way >>

Job done.

turfsausage · 10/11/2021 21:50

My sister dated a guy like this, not for too long - probably 3/4 months. The funny thing was he was training to be a vicar so I would have thought he would have been above that kind of shallowness, but not at all. He tried quite hard to turn her into a kind of stepford wife looking woman, as he was obviously looking for someone suitable as a vicar's wife. :D
She realised though, just as you have, so well done.

freeatlast2021 · 10/11/2021 22:28

No need to keep this one. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

StickyStickyStickStickSong · 10/11/2021 22:30

He sounds very controlling

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/11/2021 22:44

Fuck this guy off. He's a wanker.

He's making you feel shit about yourself.

You have young kids.

Why are you bringing poison into their orbit?!

You are their anchor, their roots, their world.

Even if this wanker hasn't met them, him making you feel crap is going to affect them.

BREAK UP WITH HIM.

Imagine how much of an arrogant prick you have to be to send ANYONE (let alone someone you've known 8 weeks!) a reference picture of another person to show how they 'should' look!!! Seriously. Imagine the arrogance and audacity you would need to have to send that!

He's a cunt. A run of the mill, ten a penny, average as fuck wanker.

Oh to have the confidence of a painfully average man... ugh.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/11/2021 22:45

"I've been thinking and this relationship isn't working for me anymore so I don't want to continue seeing you. I've thought about it and am sure about my decision so please respect it so we can both move on: All the best."

Then block.

DuchessOfDisaster · 10/11/2021 22:53

@summer151

I think he has been hurt by a lot of women.. and he has told me they have broken up with him (surprise surprise) I think glamorous women who have the time and money to really look after themselves are his type but maybe he feels they don't treat him well so I think maybe he is trying something different and he can then change me. I don't know. I'm confused
Tough turnips for him. You are not his therapist. Get rid of him PDQ.
Graphista · 11/11/2021 00:03

I wouldn't worry too much about how it doesn't really matter.

You may be doing him a favour by saying it's because he has outdated, misogynistic and toxic views on womens appearance and needs to educate himself on feminism and the male gaze...

But I don't think it will make an iota of difference to him!

In your shoes I'd be tempted to say it was because his appearance was no longer appealing to you and list all his style and grooming faults! I feel sure he has some!

But basically

"This isn't working for me so I won't be dating you any more"

Is suffice

ErrmWTAF · 11/11/2021 01:57

@sandy354

Tell him the sec isn't doing it for you....you thought it might improve but it hasn't

In fact tell him about your drop dead gorgeous, recently single mate and tell him how good he is in bed. Maybe he should try being more like him......

Ooohh, you are EVIL.

Come sit over here. >pats chair< >offers wine< 😁

lemmein · 11/11/2021 02:12

Yep, agree with the PP's - this relationship will never last (if you're lucky) so it's up to you how long you draw it out. You can get rid now, or in a couple of years time when you'll barely recognise yourself. It's not if, it's when - save yourself the heartache and do it now.

'In the bin you go, arsehole!'

TheWestIsTheBest · 11/11/2021 02:42

Oh just get rid of him, he's an arsehole. I once dumped a guy for telling me I should wear a different colour of eyeshadow, you should do the same.

1forAll74 · 11/11/2021 03:05

Good Grief, A thousand people will be shouting at you soon, to ask why on earth you wan't to know, or be with, a jerk like this.There will be lots of words to describe a pitiful bloke like this, but it's not worth the bother to even think of any.

TowerOfGiraffes · 11/11/2021 03:09

Wow. Aside from being very far from a gentleman he sounds utterly tastleless 😂😂 Wants a woman with "boobs out" and "fake tan"?! Gross!!!

Bogeyes · 11/11/2021 03:14

Run for the hills

aurynne · 11/11/2021 04:02

"You know honey? You're right. I need to change my style, you don't suit me. I'll take you back to the returns section".

LaVieestBelleNestCePas · 11/11/2021 06:11

@summer151

I think he has been hurt by a lot of women.. and he has told me they have broken up with him (surprise surprise) I think glamorous women who have the time and money to really look after themselves are his type but maybe he feels they don't treat him well so I think maybe he is trying something different and he can then change me. I don't know. I'm confused
This. You may be confused because to a normal person the situation doesn’t make sense. What he’s saying is most likely true. He is attracted and has gone out with what he thinks are a certain type of woman who has certain characteristics and then they dump him. The stuff he’s not saying is that his behaviour and the fact he does not yet know how to behave in a relationship and what basic decent human interaction looks like results in his being dumped. HE is insecure. HIS insecurities he passes in to you. If he is successful in getting you to feel worse than he feels and more insecure than he does then in his mind he is ‘strong’. Problem is… that method doesn’t equip you for a happy life. Just a toxic destructive relationship that causes massive pain. Whole people… people that are emotionally whole have no need to embark or even contemplate such behaviour. Friends and lovers should ‘prop’ each other up. Appreciate the differences. Like the song by Groove Armada… “if everybody was the same”…
LaVieestBelleNestCePas · 11/11/2021 06:15

Oh abs du p him btw. Avoid a lifetime of pain. Ding hang around wanting to comfort him and help him. He needs to find and heal himself before he’s ready for any relationship. It’s not your job to do that nor is it your job to hang around waiting. As everyone else here has said… run. Don’t walk. And while you’re running have a think about why you would tolerate such behaviour. Remember when you first start dating everyone is in their best behaviour. It’s all downhill from the beginning with this one. So run.

WafflesRMine · 12/11/2021 11:47

Trying to control you or he may pimp you out. Who is to know as this isn't normal nor acceptable behaviour at all. Don't think twice. Dump the guy.

frozendaisy · 13/11/2021 02:06

@sandy354

Tell him the sec isn't doing it for you....you thought it might improve but it hasn't

In fact tell him about your drop dead gorgeous, recently single mate and tell him how good he is in bed. Maybe he should try being more like him......

Another vote for mentioning gorgeous single male friend during the dumping.

What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 13/11/2021 06:27

For reference op I've been seeing someone new 2 mths. I was exhusted and looked like crap one day when he popped over.
I referenced it and he said I'd look good in a potato sack and he flat didn't care what I wore as he liked me.
That's what you want and need, not this dude. It may have been a nice lie but that's the point your partner lifts you up not x brings you down! Xxx

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