I’ve been married for 5 years ...my husband has always been a lot more curt / blunt than me. I hate confrontation, I’m very sensitive and empathetic..probably overly sensitive sometimes and that’s where we clash. However despite me being quite sensitive I do think my husband sometimes crossed a line by anyone’s standards in the way he speaks to me.
He doesn’t do it all the time...and is generally quite considerate and nice the rest of the time. He does his fair share of cleaning and parenting our daughter..probably not 50/50 but more than a lot of my friends partners do. He’s hands on compared to the average guy I think.
He has this habit though of getting annoyed very easily and being overly aggressive and rude which usually seems to be a disproportionate reaction to the situation. He then speaks to me really aggressively...and yeah we all snap a little bit but he won’t back down or apologise or does one of those ‘I’m sorry but I swore at you because you did xyz’ as if it’s justified.
So tonight for example..he’s having some friends round to play this role play board game they play. He was setting things up in the kitchen and put this mat down on the kitchen island..I went to get my daughter some juice out the fridge so rested her sippy cup on the mat as it totally covered the island. He screamed at me ‘get that fucking cup off my mat it’s really expensive’ I said don’t speak to me like that he said what is he supposed to do when I disrespect his things and do stupid things. I asked for an apology, he said ‘where’s my apology’ for putting the cup down. Earlier today he shouted at me repeatedly for using the wrong door in front of the Tesco delivery man (I went to the door the man was at!) ...I’m 8 months pregnant and still had to ask him to come help me lift the crates rather than shouting at me from the living room. It was so embarrassing I made a joke about him being grumpy to the delivery guy but he didn’t look impressed.
It’s just little things but he really flys off the handle. He also speaks to his mum like this (she came to visit recently) I called him out for it in front of her as he’s awful and speaks to her like she’s stupid. She never stands up to him but tells me she doesn’t like it and always gives me a look.
He’s in total denial that it’s an issue...or the only time he has apologised slightly more genuinely is when I made him go stay in a hotel for screaming at me about something trivial and threatened to leave him.
He’s speaking to me like this in front of our daughter who was upset tonight (she’s 2) and I’m so worried he’s going to do this to her when she’s older as kids make clumsy mistakes and mess things up all the time! He just has no patience at all and also worried about the example I’m setting putting up with this.
My mums thinks I’m crazy and thinks he’s sweetness and light as he never does this around her...my friends have seen it and commented on it.
You wouldn’t know it to meet him thats why I wonder if I’m being over sensitive but i hear how wrong it is when he does it to his mum.
Don’t know what to do I feel like I can’t do much about it at 8 months pregnant with a 2 year old. It’s the fact he doesn’t even apologise properly that doesn’t give me any hope of it improving