Is there a cure for mansplaining?

[PissyMum]

I’ve been with boyfriend for about 18 months. We get on really well and have a really good laugh and amazing sex. I’m starting to be driven round the bend by his constant mansplaining though. I only really noticed him doing it about a month ago when he decided to explain the actual meaning of my favourite book that I’d lent him, which he’d never heard of until I lent it to him.

Now the scales have slipped from my eyes I can’t believe I didn’t see how often he does it earlier. I think I’d possibly dismissed it as he is a proper intellectual and a world expert in the field of science that he works in. I don’t have a degree as I dropped out of uni but I read loads, keep up with current affairs etc and can generally hold my own in conversations with most people. I thought that maybe he thought I was a bit dumber than I am or possibly because I’m over a decade younger than him that I dismissed it to begin with. Now he knows me properly he clearly still thinks I’m an idiot though. I can tell when he’s going to start a long winded explanation as even if I say “yes, I know that” it’s almost as if he hadn’t heard me and he just can’t stop himself from continuing in his lecture.

Do you think if I sat him down and really clearly explained how shit it makes me feel that he might actually stop doing it? Or am I flogging a dead horse? He’s late 40’s so I’m guessing it’s probably too late to change now.

Now I try to treat it as if they are going back over something to better understand it themselves. Bright encouraging smile, and replying "yes, that's correct. Mmhmm, yes. Yes that's right, well done" If they get confused or offended and try to tell me they were explaining it to me, I just say "Oh! Sorry. Why on earth do you think I wouldn't know that already?"

I absolutely love this @MangoBiscuit!!

Nagging isn't gendered language.. Where in 'nagging' is a gender term used? Its a word predominantly used by men about women however and generally has a dismissive and contemptuous tone implying that what is being 'nagged' about is petty and beneath their notice. Mansplaining is a thing that specifically men do, again almost always to women, often more experienced or knowledgable than they are. Other people do it too, hence 'teensplaining' or 'MILsplaining' but when we're discussing men doing it, its Mansplaining.
The fact that you don't think it's really a problem is just evidence that you really don't get what it is we are saying. It's not a funny, mildly irritating quirk, it's a deep seated and extremely common trait that many men display in all areas of life, domestic and professional. Why don't you have a look at some examples of women in high level meetings who get ignored and then have their idea re explained by a man who then gets a round of applause. It happens. It's real. It can be hugely damaging in the work place and it is massively disrespectful.

“ So no wonder some pp here are hearing a lot of mansplaining if that’s the attitude they take toward men.”

Yep here we go it’s the wimmins fault again ladies

I mean what unfuckingbelievable utter shite

I 'heard a lot of mansplaining' when my non teacher dp spent 20 mins telling me how to mark an A level essay I'd mentioned was tricky due to it being superb writing but not answering the question. When I paused for breath he leaped in and said 'you need o look at X, y, z and assign marks based on....'. This a man who, despite having a son gone through A levels has a scechy a best notion of modules, let alone mark schemes, assessment criteria, weighting or anything else. But yes, I'm sure I'm just 'hearing' mansplaining because I'm such an uptight woman. 🙄

@znaika

The thing is it doesn't get better. This is a work situation not a relationship but I have this dickhead I work with who cannot mansplain to me because I'm obviously much more senior with more experience. But what the cretinous little fucker does is get his phone out to check any facts I say hoping to catch me out. What a dick!!!! Never once caught me though, you'd think he'd learn.

Do you work with my stepson?🤔

[quote TyneTeas]Give him a laminated copy of this

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20180727-mansplaining-explained-in-one-chart[/quote]
Both questions are complicated by sexism and other kinds of bias. We’re all taught gender bias in behavior and communication from an early age, with boys and girls being criticised and praised for different behaviors in school. We all like to think we treat people fairly, but men often assume women are less competent, and white people are likely to assume darker skin equals lower intelligence.

I call bullshit, who doing the bias training.

Anyhow, it's what men do, I went pick up a piece of gym equipment, the chap spent 10 mins explaining the equipment, and a further 20 mins telling me about dieting, and showing me different exercises.

I never asked, I previously worked in a gym with men and women who competed at Olympia. so I know a little about exercise. He had a potbelly and moobs.
I nodded agreed and drove off.

I’m amazed that even on MN some men have appeared to explain that actually mansplaining isn’t real and that women nagging is just as much of a problem. I despair.

@PissyMum

I’m amazed that even on MN some men have appeared to explain that actually mansplaining isn’t real and that women nagging is just as much of a problem. I despair.

It's tediously (though sometimes inadvertently amusingly) predictable.

It's unbelievably biased thinking and you can't expect men to take you seriously believing things like that.

That's the whole point. The majority of men don't take women seriously, they don't think women can possibly be as intelligent as men, hence the prevalence of mansplaining.

Tough shit if they don't like being called out on it.

@PissyMum

I’m amazed that even on MN some men have appeared to explain that actually mansplaining isn’t real and that women nagging is just as much of a problem. I despair.

Oh they pop up everywhere, even on the threads where you think it would be beyond the pale for a bloke to pop in and stat holding forth. One of them barged into a rape victim's thread a couple of days ago, and starting mansplaining sexual assault and rape and how we'd got it all wrong.

@PissyMum

I’m amazed that even on MN some men have appeared to explain that actually mansplaining isn’t real and that women nagging is just as much of a problem. I despair.

Pricks, aren't they?

@supremelybaffled

It's unbelievably biased thinking and you can't expect men to take you seriously believing things like that.

That's the whole point. The majority of men don't take women seriously, they don't think women can possibly be as intelligent as men, hence the prevalence of mansplaining.

Tough shit if they don't like being called out on it.

If men do it as part of their natural discourse between each other that negates your post.

I'm sure some men as individuals think they are the best human on the planet. I'm not sure where that innate feeling comes from and what can be done about it.

Bu they don't do it to each other. Or not to the extent and in scenarios as ludicrous as those outlined in pp. When they literally know nothing and are talking out of their arses but assume they should be heard and listened to regardless. If my dp talks about his work as a software developer I make encouraging noises but would never presume to tell him how to build a new product or pitch it or whatever.

But they don't do it to each other.

Exactly. In the same way as they are magically able to refrain from addressing other men as 'darling', or saying 'Give us a smile, love' to a male stranger passing them on the street.

@PissyMum

I’m amazed that even on MN some men have appeared to explain that actually mansplaining isn’t real and that women nagging is just as much of a problem. I despair.

You really shouldn't be. A fair proportion of the men on here (certainly not all, bit a not insignificant percentage) are here only because they're threatened by the idea of a well-populated, mostly female space and want to be able to correct the women.

As an aside, any username that communicates a message along the lines of "man here, I mean no harm, don't fire, you scary aggressive women!" makes me want to smash up whatever screen I happen to be using.

One of them barged into a rape victim's thread a couple of days ago, and starting mansplaining sexual assault and rape and how we'd got it all wrong

@HugeAckmansWife

Bu they don't do it to each other. Or not to the extent and in scenarios as ludicrous as those outlined in pp. When they literally know nothing and are talking out of their arses but assume they should be heard and listened to regardless. If my dp talks about his work as a software developer I make encouraging noises but would never presume to tell him how to build a new product or pitch it or whatever.

I disagree, they do talk to each other either implicit or explicit, in that manner. I think it's a competition move, helpful, all kinds of reasons men do it.

What men do is signal to the other either verbally or physically to STFU if the other finds the unwanted advice to be stepping over boundaries.

If men do it as part of their natural discourse between each other that negates your post. They don't do it.

What they do often do in discussions between each other is Alpha male posturing and oneupmanship. They'll go on about their car having the latest superduper widget that their mate's car doesn't have. They won't try and explain how an internal combustion engine works to a mate who happens to be a mechanic. Unless she's female, of course.

@supremelybaffled

If men do it as part of their natural discourse between each other that negates your post. They don't do it.

What they do often do in discussions between each other is Alpha male posturing and oneupmanship. They'll go on about their car having the latest superduper widget that their mate's car doesn't have. They won't try and explain how an internal combustion engine works to a mate who happens to be a mechanic. Unless she's female, of course.

It's like a Punch and Judy show.

Oh no they don't
Oh yes, they do.

One of them barged into a rape victim's thread a couple of days ago, and starting mansplaining sexual assault and rape and how we'd got it all wrong.

I didn't see that one, but I've seen others like it.

One particularly odious creep kept telling a recently raped OP how concerned he was about her, while in the next breath saying that she and her rapist could "get past this together" if she was understanding and loving enough. I'm sure he thought he came across as incredibly caring, enlightened and gentle, but I've never seen such an obvious wolf in such shitty sheep's clothing.

@supremelybaffled

If men do it as part of their natural discourse between each other that negates your post. They don't do it.

What they do often do in discussions between each other is Alpha male posturing and oneupmanship. They'll go on about their car having the latest superduper widget that their mate's car doesn't have. They won't try and explain how an internal combustion engine works to a mate who happens to be a mechanic. Unless she's female, of course.

Exactly this.

@user367862167

“ So no wonder some pp here are hearing a lot of mansplaining if that’s the attitude they take toward men.”

Yep here we go it’s the wimmins fault again ladies

Yep. No wonder men are sexist when women are such bitches? Wow

Between this one and the “you should just listen in silence and maybe you’d learn something, because any random man on the bus has more domain knowledge than a female expert in the field”, this thread is really bringing all the boys to the yard isn’t it?

One of them barged into a rape victim's thread a couple of days ago, and starting mansplaining sexual assault and rape and how we'd got it all wrong.

@BackBackBack that fucking arsehole.
iirc, he believed that the solution to a rape victim's problem was to pretend it was consensual & stay with her rapist while getting a coil fitted so she didn't have to worry about pregnancy via stealthing.

He failed to respond to my invitation to discuss his views in person. Funny, that.

I work with a man who will ask me how to do something and then when I explain it will send me a link to a course to learn the tjing I explained, and can do. He never does the course himself of course because he finds it easier to ask me how to do thing. Its not womansplaining specifically its just that nice put down in case I thought I knew something....